Smoking in the house

[BobKatt22]

I just had a PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) done 80% or higher is good. In 2018 I had one done and my result was 83%, I quit smoking in March of 2019. For financial reasons in April Of 2019 I Rented a room from a childhood friend. (She smokes) she told me that she would either smoke in the basement or her room ( she never lived up to that end of the bargain) in September of 2018 I had another PFT done and my score was 79%. The dr. Said that with age our body starts to wear down so a small decrease is normal and 78% was close to average for my age so not to worry about it. I just had another one done last week and my percentage went down to 69% the Dr. said in only 5 months my percentage should have not gone down 10% more. He told me to limit my exposure to second hand smoke. I told my roommate and she told me “what do you expect me to do? Not smoke in my own house?”  I said that my health was at stake here. She told me she “would try not to smoke around me but if she is smoking in the living room and I walk in the room that I can just go into my room “  I told her that I could still smell the smoke in my room and she told me that “ it’s my house and I’m going to smoke in my F’in house if I want to “ I told her that my health was at stake and I needed to find another place to live.... my question is it is her house ..... do I have the right to tell her that she can’t smoke in her own house?   

[BobKatt22]

*in September of 2019 I had another PFT done*..... not 2018

[zoer · Accepted solution]

Having lived with roommates in my house, I can say yes she can do whatever she wants in 'her' house. BUT she is not much of a friend if she can't make that small sacrifice for you and your health. It would not kill her to go smoke outside. You are right that her just smoking in a different room does not protect you from the smoke since it lingers in the air. You need to do what's best for your health, and it sounds like moving is the right choice. 

[BobKatt22]

You are right, it is her house and it’s no place for me to tell her what she can or can’t do in her house as long as it’s not illegal.... but I have to do something to protect my lungs or I might as well go back to smoking ‍♀ ‍♀

[YoungAtHeart]

I am so sorry your housemate is being so pigheaded about this - but if she won't go outside to smoke, you have no choice but to move. You have the test results to prove it is harming you.   You are inhaling that smoke no matter where she smokes if she is doing it inside.

Not fair, though!

[BobKatt22]

Thank you Youngatheart. I have to do what I have to do I guess

[Maki]

It's so sad smokers will do anything to protect their cigarettes ... even at the cost losing a good friend or possibly losing  their own life .  

I know if it was me and this was the situation ( and if I was still a smoker  ) .... you sharing with me the facts with me , the same ones you have shared here , I would definitely not smoke around you .   I would be smoking outside if I was a good friend .

If you were just an ordinary renter however, Imwould likely say what she said and find a new renter ... one who smoked . 

Your friendship and your life would be worth more to me than the right to smoke in my own house but unfortunately addiction doesn't always see it that way ..... especially not in the eyes of a full fledged addict .  Your friends every decision and rational right now is based upon her right to smoke in her house .  Addiction causes such irrational and stupendous thinking .

She sees her right to smoke and her home more valued than ones life or friendship right now But really that's  stinkin thinkin addiction screaming "save me , not him " 

I hope your friend realizes her denial soon before it's too late . You sharing the truth with her likely helped . Every cough right now she will likely ask herself and wonder if she has copd and was she being unreasonable with your request .  You are a good friend asking her not to smoke in the house for the both of you . 

 I say look after you though .... you come first ... if she isn't willing to change the things she can for the two of you to maintain your friendship then you must change what you can and need for your health first and foremost .  Look for a new healthy place of residence , but if it were me if she is truly a good friend , I would keep in touch , meet in non smoking places but  BE SURE you have a solid quit first. We all know addiction will do anything to get us hooked again and will use anyone to tempt us to get us hooked again .

                Be      quit      safety     wise . 

Maki 

[BobKatt22]

Thank you Maki. I needed to hear that! We grew up in the same neighborhood together as kids. But she is a stubborn woman and sees my request as infringing on her rights as a smoker, especially with the rights of smokers have been taken away by the government over the years, and her house is her domain and I understand that. But I have to protect my health. My Dr. said that I went from mild COPD in 2018 to moderate COPD in 2020

[YoungAtHeart]

Doesn't she realize it is awful for HER to be breathing that smoke twice and the chemicals are leaching from all the fabrics to boot when she smokes in the house?  Guess not!  Perhaps when she calms down she will realize what a good addition to the household you are and give in, but I doubt it.  

If she doesn't change her mind, you need to get out of there - the sooner the better - PERIOD.  You don't want your environment to cause your illness to be exacerbated further.  You have clear proof that it already is.

It's good you found this out, though.  Glad your doc is keeping an eye on it.

Nancy

[BobKatt22]

Thank you Nancy, not to mention that she will lose my rent money every month