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Give and get support around quitting

argylesox
Member

Want to quit

I joined this site today to see if I can get any additional help and inspiration.  I tried to quit last July and made it 28 days before it started to not work out and have been back smoking since.  I was using the patches which were very itchy and disturbed my sleep.  I have a very stressful job and my coping skills at work we’re not the best.  My initial slip was while at work.  

My parents decided to quit when I did.  We initially discussed quitting together.  Everyone smoked when I was growing up and I naturally acquired the habit.  When I eventually pursued my education, cigarettes went hand in hand with my studies, so I think I began to associate them with working and concentration.  

My parents, despite being very heavy smokers, were able to successfully quit on the first try.  My mother acts very condescending towards me about this.  She almost acts as if she never touched a cigarette in her life.  This is very annoying to me, because although I know that I started smoking despite her telling me not to, she fails to acknowledge her role in normalizing the habit.  Thus, I don’t really have my parents as support for when I quit. 

I am also in the process of getting a divorce.  My husband moved out.  I think he played a role in why my last quit failed because he used to stress me out.  He would even say things like “I don’t think you can really do it.”  I was refusing to acknowledge at the time that my marriage was failing.  With him gone, I was very upset in the beginning but I have to acknowledge I am starting to feel better.  


I don’t really know right now what my exact quit date will be but I am starting to think about it more and more.  I don’t want to be a smoker for life, and I feel like I only do it because I feel like I have to.  I need the money I am spending on cigarettes as well.  

Have any of you managed to quit during a stressful time, like a divorce? 

What skills do you recommend for a high stress job when quitting since this is what set me back the last time? (P.s. there is nowhere to take a walk where I work, I go into my car to smoke, and the reason I took these breaks during my lunch time was to have a moment to myself... there are no parks nearby, no malls, only shopping centers with relatively dangerous parking lots). I am also sometimes required to use my vehicle during the work day.

thanks for any advice you can give

32 Replies
5Jacks
Member

Welcome to EX! You’ve come to the right place for inspiration, advice, and education. I know that some of the “elders” here will reply soon with some very wise advice.

I’m sorry that your parents aren’t more understanding, but this will be your journey alone. We all have to come to the decision to quit alone whether or not we have anyone’s support. 

As for quitting during a stressful time, I honestly think that has to be a non-factor in deciding on a quit date. There’s always something to be stressed about, and some people (given the exact same set of circumstances) get more “stressed out” than others. The thing to realize is that smoking doesn’t actually do anything to relieve stress. It doesn’t change the stressful situation and it doesn’t really make you feel better about anything. Smoking does NOT help you cope with life. Smoking only helps you avoid life.

I can tell you for sure that no one on this site will ever tell you, “I don’t think you can really do it.”

I’m so glad you arrived on the scene here. Read everything you can on this site. Make a detailed plan of what specific things you can do to keep a quit so that you’re better prepared for whatever date you choose as your next DAY WON.

Mary

32 DOF (days of freedom)

SuzyQ411
Member

Welcome to the EX argylesox‌ (love your user name!!). As Mary said above, you will be hearing from some of the elders in the group who have way more experience in acquiring a long-term quit. I, like Mary above, am a newbie; I am  43 days quit.

She gave you some excellent advice!! One thing I would add is something that really helped me during this quit is Alan Carr's book "Easy Way to Stop Smoking." You can find a free pdf version online or order it from Amazon. One thing I really liked about the book is that he encouraged the reader to not quit smoking until he/she was done reading the book. So that took some of the pressure off of feeling like I had to quit RIGHT NOW!

Although Alan Carr supports the "cold turkey" approach, I have known it to work with others who choose to use nicotine replacement treatment to include patches, gum, mints or to take specific medications to ease the process.

I wish you well in your quit and will be looking for your posts ~ Suzy

sweetplt
Member

HI and Welcome to Ex’s argylesox 

I am so happy you found our site.  I am so sorry for all you have on your plate, but like you we all quit under stressful situations.  Life can be stress and we are addicts.  We choose to smoke during those stressful times and convinced ourselves it helped us out.  It takes time to come to that point, however, every time you light a cigarette it isn’t what is going on, but feeding the addiction.  Many of us had a bunch of quits before we got it right.  This time I will offer what worked for me.  I came to Ex’s and read at My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX there I made a quit date, made a quit that would fit me and planned for that quit date like not other.  Next, I got together every healthy thing I could do in place of smoking.  I came to the support group and read blogs and became knowledgeable on the quit and addiction.  The night before I quit I rid all smoking paraphernalia.  Then I quit and came here everyday and got help and offered support to others in this journey...This journey takes hard work, but it is doable.  You can do this and we are here for you...Start planning...Colleen 443 DOF

YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome to the community!

When you do the reading I will recommend, you will learn that smoking does not reduce stress, it actually CAUSES it! 

 

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This easy and entertaining read provided a world of good information about nicotine addiction, most of which I was not aware.  I credit it in large part with my success at quitting.   You can search for it online or at your local library.


 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

 

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch.Take the patch off at night if it gives you vivid dreams and get busy in the morning after you apply a fresh one as the nicotine builds up in your system. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract.   I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them..  For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum.  For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for four reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion,  3) it maintains the addiction to nicotine, and 4) they are proving to be unsafe.

 

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
 

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Walk around the parking area or the building/floor at work for your break.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...


The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.


Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!


 Nancy

I was @ 100 days into my quit when I suddenly got laid off. This was during the recession of 2010. Everybody around me were smoking like fiends and left their sickerettes out in plain sight. That was a huge challenge! But I had becomeanEX to rely on and made it through because I came here, listened and applied my new found skills to my day! Stick with it! We gotcha!

Cousin-Itt
Member

  argylesox You have so much great advice above Learn as much as you can. I just want to add that one of the biggest myths we believe is how smoking relieves stress. Smoking / Nicotine actually increases anxiety and stress.  You can go on line and find all sorts of information on how to relieve stress at work. From eating healthy / exercise / getting enough sleep etc.... to things you can do at work to relieve stress.  What helped me the most in the first 6 months is I carried a reminder of why I quit. I carried my hospital bracelet in my pocket and when ever I got a crave all I had to do is just touch it as a reminder. Now I'm not suggesting a hospital visit. But I am suggesting writing down the main reason you are quitting and carry it with you and read it when you get a crave to reinforce your strength.  

  You, me all of us are a lot stronger, tougher than we give ourselves credit for

You proved you can quit by going 28 days learn from it and start again Just so you know a large majority don't quit on their first try. I'm sure you can do it.  

The best to you

Barbscloud
Member

Welcome to the Ex.  You've already gotten great advice on the tools to begin your journey.   Many us have not had support at home;  that's what we're here for.  As already said, there's going to be stress in our lives whether we smoke or not.  So read everything you can on this site to educate yourself about this addiction.   Knowledge, preparation and support from the Ex made is possible for me this time.

Pick a date and begin your journey to becoming and ex-smoker .

Barb

SuzyQ411
Member

argylesox‌ Drop us a post and let us know how you are doing~ we are here to support one another~

MartyO
Member

Welcome! You've come to the right place!  

Dive in!