When does it get better? No man’s land is kicking my butt.

[ChandrikaC]

Hi everyone,

I am sorry that this post is not going to be very positive, but I need help BAD. I’m at 9 weeks, 3 days. The first 30 days were honestly a breeze compared to what the last 30 days or so have been. I haven’t had a cig, not even a puff. I’m very proud of myself and I want to quit, but I keep having thoughts that will not escape my head. I want to smoke so bad some times and I try to take my mind off of it, but then I get frustrated thinking “so I’ve distracted myself. Big deal. I still want one.” 
I don’t like the place I’m in right now bc I feel super angry. I know I did this to myself, but I keep thinking it isn’t fair that I have no self control. I make the mistake of comparing myself to some of my friends who can have one cig here and there. Meanwhile if I have even one, I’ll be back to a pack a day in No time. I do not want to be a smoker. And I don’t want to be angry or Where I’m at. I don’t know what has happened, but I want to know it will get better. I started crying the other night bc I wanted one so bad. It makes me feel weak and like a slave to my addiction. 

what is clear is that this is a very addictive, powerful, manipulative drug. I am clearly over the physical addiction, but that piece of crap keeps trying to bring me back. I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this feeling, so if anyone could share some tips or advice on proper coping mechanisms, I would really appreciate it. 
I’m sorry to be a downer. I want this quit to be for life and I’m scared the cigarettes may win. 

also, does anyone know how to up the ex community texts? They decreased in frequency and I’m someone who likes a constant reminder. 

Thank you. Happy holidays and STAY SMOKE FREE!! 

[YoungAtHeart]

As a rule of thumb, you should find it getting easier at 120 days - but it should get easier a bit at a time sooner than that.  Just as everyone is different, so is every quit journey.  I actually had probably my most difficult day around day 108.  You should begin noticing the craves diminishing as you change up you routines to lessen the associations and triggers. 

Don't ever compare your quit to anyone else's!  We all are unique in the challenges we face on this journey.

I can tell you that it DID get easier.  If it didn't, not many of us would have been successful.

It appears that the frequency of your text messages is set within the app where you signed up to get them.  If you have difficulty with that, you can get help from our administrator, Mark..

Please know that as an addict there will never be such as thing as "just one" cigarette......not ever.  My guess is that those who have never been addicted can get away with that - but that's not US!

Hang in there - it WILL get better I promise.  And know that nobody, ever, said "I wish I had quit later!"

Nancy

[MarilynH]

It does get easier and easier with time under your belt and it definitely gets better and better without the crutch of cigarettes BUT it does take time to relearn life without the smokes BUT boy oh boy it's so worth it to be Free, deep breaths and know that you will get through the roller coaster ups and downs and into that good place in your quit where you realize how much better life is, I think It was around my 90th day when I began to be comfortable in my own skin again you will succeed in your quit one precious Smokefree Day at a time or hour minute or even a second as long as you keep moving forward stacking up those precious Days Of Freedom then each evening you can say YAY for another Day WON ..... chandrika.christie

[beazel]

So glad you posted, don't feel like a downer - you are doing great - over 9 WEEKS - fantastic!!!!!

Try deep breathing, it can be calming. Try any distraction you can think of until you can find what works for you.

(when I got to the point of tears, I would grab my cat - he would wrap his paws around my neck and I would put my head to his body and listen to him purr - that became my favorite therapy) -we danced ALOT the first 2 years!

Your quit is very young so don't let these feeling discourage you. The only way over it is through it.

You want this quit to be for life, so be willing to do any heavy lifting necessary to get there.

You won't be angry forever....the tears will stop......you may feel like you are weak but the reality is you are using all your strength right now....and it's working - you have not smoked. You are doing it - Be proud!!

KTQ

[JACKIE1-25-15]

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/newbie-quitters/blog/2019/01/27/one-of-the-greatest-tools-... , Key in the word self talk in the search engine.  Magnifying glass.  You have to change the narrative in your head. 

[ChandrikaC]

I’m definitely going to start using those mantras. I can see how changing the narrative will help.

[Barbara145]

When we smoke we constantly stuff our real feelings.  We start to feel angry, we don't like it and we smoke a cigarette and stuff it.  I think this is at least part of what you are experiencing.  All those stuffed feelings for all of those years. You are doing great.  Yes it gets better.  Yes it gets really good.  It takes time.  Just give it time.

[ChandrikaC]

That makes so much sense. Thank you!

[ChandrikaC]

I never once thought about it that way and that is DEFINITELY it. I’m pretty introspective and know that I tend to avoid problems instead of dealing with them head on. I try so hard to change, but it’s who I’ve been. And smoking definitely allowed me to do that for so long. 
Thank you for helping me realize where this anger is “coming from.”  It’s always been there- I’m just forced to acknowledge it now instead of smoke away.  And well, I don’t do that anymore

[green1611]

Fantastic achievement !

NML is subjective, no thump rule as such. May vary 100+ days. 

However it should not matter now, as you are up and experiencing smoke free days for nine weeks. Psychologically days will be counted, 72, 73 ..79 etc. It's normal. It could be good idea to remind yourself that you are smoke free..keep saying to yourself. It lessens NML days.

As you entered NML, you will come out it, and early signs are you stop counting of days...!

all the best !