Should I start all over again?

[Texadonia]

I'm a newbie here, trying to get through Day 14 after 50 years of smoking. Yesterday, I ran across a half-inch long cigarette butt on my front deck. It was mine, the remnant of the last cigarette I smoked before I left for a quit smoking retreat in Florida. It was tucked in a plant saucer that I sometimes used as an ashtray. 

There was no hesitation. I ran in the house to grab the one lighter I had kept on hand for lighting candles. Then I ran outside and fired up the butt. I took three quick hits before my rational self took over and destroyed the butt. 

My question to the community is this: Did I just relapse? Do I have the "right" to say today that I've been quit for 14 days or do I have to start all over again? 

Thanks

[cfbays]

It’s very unfortunate but you have to start over. The good thing is by being honest with yourself you are actually helping yourself to stay quit this next time. Get up, dust yourself off and learn form this. You got this. If you can go 14 days you can go 28 days and so on. Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t give up. Hang around this site. There are a lot of people here hat can give you a lot of good advice and support. I’m a newbie with only 10 days quite under my belt but I have overcome drug addiction now for over 21 years and I do know it takes real effort on our part not to pick up. You got this; start over and kick this addiction in the butt! - cfbays

[Texadonia]

Thanks, cf. I really appreciate your input. I still think I'll call this a slip, since I didn't relapse or buy a pack and start smoking all over again. This site has some great information, as do you. I'm glad I came in and appreciate the advice!

Melinda

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I'd call it a slip too but, you gave yourself permission. Starting again is what keeps us accountable 

[Barbscloud]

Technically, I call it a slip if you got right back on track.  Most of us have tried to quit multiple times.   It's your choice, but  would agree to starting over with a new date.  It is about being honest with yourself more so than with us.  Don't beat yourself up; learn from the mistake and move forward knowing you won't do that again.   The fact that you came here to share your experience shows that you really want this.  Reevaluate your quit plan and move forward.   Reach out for help BEFORE you smoke.  That's what we're here for.

Barb

[Texadonia]

Hey Barb. I really appreciate your input. I still think I'll call this a slip, since I didn't relapse or buy a pack and start smoking all over again. Also, I quit with a group of people at a smoking cessation retreat two weeks ago, and I want to continue to have our quit date in common. Yes, that's a little dishonest, I know, but I am cutting myself some slack because this has been so hard, even though I've done everything and read everything to prepare myself. 

This site has some great information, as do you. I'm glad I came in and appreciate the welcome!

Melinda

[Barbscloud]

I'm far from being perfect.  I truly believe you should do what's right for you.  If staying on track with your group is going to make it possible for your forever quit, then that's what you should do.  Big questions is-are your going to share this with them?  I think the decision lies there.

Hugs

Barb

[Texadonia]

Thanks for your honesty and encouragement, Barb. I told the facilitator about my "relapse". She said I should consider it a slip and keep it to myself. I don't like being dishonest, but I would hate to bring the group down when everyone has stayed on track since we all started, except me and those three puffs.

The biggest question for me really is this: Now that I know how easily I can be sucked into a puff or two or three, what else must I do to stay sober? Get rid of any lighters, yes. I know that now.  Beyond that, I swear, I'm doing everything right. I've got the vitamins, cinnamon sticks, teas, and herbal supplements. I've got the desire. 

[YoungAtHeart]

How about the plans to do something ELSE when that thought hits?  Might you make a list of distracting activities that might work?  Have you thought about changing up your routines so the associations and triggers are reduced?  Might you get a crossword book, or a jigsaw or some adult coloring books and markers to help with the down times? 

Nancy

[Texadonia]

Thanks, Nancy. Great idea. I have thought of most everything, read everything, done the retreat, changed routines, and started new projects. I'm also heading out to Jazzercise classes every day, often doing two back-to-back, and keeping cinnamon sticks everywhere. Yesterday I ordered some herbal supplements that have helped members in my group (Macuna is the primary one, plus Magnesium). So, I think I'm still on track, but man, those three puffs really spooked me. 

And here's what's really interesting about them. I quit two weeks ago, right? And I had been prepared that my sleep would likely be disturbed for a while, so sure enough, I was not surprised to find myself waking up almost once an hour every night. However, the very night BEFORE those three puffs, my sleep had finally returned to normal! But the night of the puffs and last night, too . . . I'm sleeping poorly again. So I really could tell that those receptors had reawakened. In that respect, the three puffs were useful. Experience is the best teacher, right? I knew intellectually what they could do, but I didn't get it physically. Now I know. Hell of a way to learn, I admit. Won't go there again!!!