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Give and get support around quitting

malicostal
Member

Hoping to quit smoking

I have tried to stop smoking for 10 years now. This is the first time I have ever tried a program like this but I feel out of options. Here is a little of my story this far. When I first got married 10 years ago it was with the understanding that I would quit smoking which I wanted to. However my husband has the outlook of cold Turkey and dont look back. Well I failed. I kept going back to trying but kept failing. I couldnt let my husband know because he would divorce me and I dont have friends that I can talk to. Its hard to reach out to family and them to actually pick up a phone. So for 10 years now I've been going at trying to quit pretty much by myself cold turkey with the threat of divorce always over my head when I once again fail. On top of the threat of divorce I found out about 4 years ago that my mother had colorectal cancer and that it was the genetic form. Smoking increases chances to go up significantly. So on top of the concerns for the impact of my inability to quit on my marriage there is now added my health. Around this time I also graduated from college. Yay, a good point, however I am a teacher. I am a role model for children. This role does turn off once school is out. It is constant as long as you are in the public eye. Being a role model, a teacher can lose consideration for a teaching position  because they do smoke.  So needless to say I have several reasons why I want to quit smoking but can't. I feel like that I've been trying to quit cold turkey so long that I must not have enough will-power or I'm just plain stupid or that I'm inferior even knowing what all I have on the line and i can't seem to stop. I'm just tired of feeling alone with no one there when i try to stop. Starting to feel hopeless.

5 Replies
ShawnP
Member

Good morning. Before I joined this site, I tried many many times to quit. I would always fall on my face. I couldn't even get through 2 hrs of quitting. I had drs that told me i should quit for my health but, i rebelled. I don't like people telling me what to do. If i am going to do anything, it has to be my decision totally. I didn't look for this site, it sort of fell in my lap but, i also know that things happen for a reason and little did i know that it has changed my whole life. I educated myself on this site and finally admitted to myself that i had an addiction and i couldn't stop on my own. I am 7 yrs quit to this day. You have come to the right place and so many here that will support you. You can kick this addiction once and for all. Here is a link to an old blog of mine that has helpful links./blogs/ShawnP-blog/2017/01/28/welcome-to-our-community 

AnnetteMM
Member

I'm gonna guess your husband already knows you're smoking and haven't quit yet, so if he hasn't divorced you in 10 years you're good to go. You need to want to quit for yourself anyway. What makes you think you can't? Just because you haven't done it yet doesn't mean you can't. 

Have you read any of the stuff on this site? Have you formulated a plan for yourself? Have you tried other methods?

You have everything you need inside you to succeed. It's not strength or willpower, but willingness to make a commitment and never give yourself permission to smoke again.

YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome to our community!

You will learn here that hope has not one thing to do with quitting smoking - nor does luck play a part.  This is an addiction, and it takes education, planning, preparation, support and commitment.  We can supply all but the last - but you must make up your mind that you are not going to smoke another cigarette NO MATTER WHAT.  It will become easier for you to do this once you have become educated on the nature of this addiction.    You will get rid of all cigarettes and ashtrays on your quit day and work at this to break free.  Read on to better understand what is involved!

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it online or at your local library. If you do nothing else to get ready for your quit, please do give this a read.


 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract.   I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them..  For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum.  For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for four reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion,  3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire and 4) you can become addicted to that and it has not yet been proven safe .
 

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
 

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!


 Nancy

elvan
Member

You have gotten great advice here...I can tell you that I quit unsuccessfully so many times in the past that I seriously lost track.  I have NO idea how many times I quit.  I WANTED to quit, I HATED smoking, I hated the smell, I hated that it made me feel like I was a failure...I was encouraged to run for PTA president when my youngest was in middle school and I said I can't...the principal asked me WHY and I told him, I SMOKE, the PTA president should NOT be a smoker.  He stopped asking me.  My life revolved around being able to find places to smoke...I KNEW better, my breathing was getting more and more labored.  I finally quit over 5 1/2 years ago, I got so sick that I really did not expect to survive and my doctor wasn't sure either.  I knew that I could not smoke again, that I could not start to feel better and then start to smoke again...that was my usual pattern.  I found this site and I dove in...I came here for the first time in May of 2013 and I lost that quit at 3 weeks, I tried again in October of 2013, same lost quit at 3 weeks.  Both times, anger was my downfall.  I did not give myself permission to feel anger or sadness or anything uncomfortable...those feelings were stuffed into cigarettes.  This is an addiction the cold turkey thing does not work for everyone but there are options, there is Chantix, Wellbutrin, nicotine replacement...there is no shame in needing help.  MY quit was cold turkey because breathing took priority over smoking...the choice was made FOR me.  I have never regretted quitting but I will always regret starting.  I have COPD and my life is ruled by my difficulty breathing.  I HATE it but all I can do is to try to take the best possible care of myself, eat well, exercise, and make my quit ALWAYS a priority. EX has kept me clean and SMOBER because I read everything that was recommended, I listened to advice, and I stayed very close to the site.

Stay close to the site, read blogs, comment, try to educate your husband on the addiction and not the cold turkey thing...I cannot believe that your husband would divorce you if he found out you were smoking, how could he NOT know?  

You are not alone in this journey. Welcome to EX.

Ellen

Giulia
Member

How're you doing?  Haven't seen you in a while.  It can be really helpful to check into the site on a daily basis.  Reading blogs can be really encouraging.  And we need all the positive reinforcement we can get!  As long as you keep trying, you haven't given up hope.  So keep trying!

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