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The Anger is debilitating
I have tried to quit before and it was so hard. All I did was get angry. I had this rage that was controlling me and I didn't care who's feelings I hurt or relationships I was wrecking. I just wanted a cigarette. I don't like feeling controlled but I am, by the cigarettes. I have already had lung issues. I had pneumonia last year and still didn't quit. I wish I could be stronger. I hate being angry. I hate smelling like smoke. I hate that my teeth are getting destroyed by smoking, literally breaking. I'm so lost and out of depth trying to figure out how to quit.
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Good morning. You have come to the right place. I could never quit smoking until I found this site. I smoked for 52 years and quit 6 years ago. All kinds of emotions come up when we first quit. We are not use to dealing with our feelings. We smoked instead of learning healthy coping skills. Stick close to this site. If I could do it. you can too.
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Welcome to EX. As you have experienced anger is an emotion that can come on the forefront when you quit smoking. Anger can also be a trigger to cause you to smoke. I suggest that you start at the beginning @My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX to better determine how to go about your quit this time. Quitting is so doable with the support here it can be a forever quit. There are ways around getting through the emotional rollercoaster that comes with quitting. If you stay and learn different techniques such as breathing, meditation, and mindfulness for you to better address the escalated emotions. Education is the key to a successful quit. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2013/08/11/foundation-for-a-successful-qui...
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Welcome to the Ex. Emotions play a big role in our withdrawal from nicotine. Understanding nicotine addiction and preparation are the key to success. Please check out he My Quit Plan as suggested. Planning in advance on how to channel that anger is part of your preparation. It will pass, but you need to work through it to the other side. This community is here to support on your journey. When you have those rough moments, just reach out. We're here for you.
Barb
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hi, sarahbabii00 ... WELCOME! The anger, even rage, that you describe is unfortunately a normal part of the quitting process of many many of us. It is TEMPORARY though.... eventually your moods even out and you become a calmer person than you were as a smoker even.
Here is a letter you might copy and modify to your own situation. I have seen this several places, I copied it today from this site:
Sample Letter
Dear______,
You need to know that when a smoker quits, the body and the mind will try almost anything to trick the user into taking another puff. I may rationalize that "now is not a good time". I may question the worth of my existence. I may talk about feeling a sense of emptiness and loss. My body may develop aches and pains. I may not be able to sleep. I may act like the pain I am experiencing is all your fault.
- Be there when I need a hug, but don't be hurt when I push you away.
- If I tell you to leave me alone, give me space, but don't go too far...I need to know you are near no matter what the nicotine says.
- Don't try to argue with me when I start to rationalize...silence is a more powerful message.
- Avoid the topic of cigarettes (because I'm trying to get them off my mind), unless I bring it up first.
- Do the best you can to act as if everything is normal. The more "normal" you act, the faster I will get there.
- Consciously avoid putting me into situations where I will be in the presence of smokers. This may mean avoiding favorite restaurants or bars, or hanging out with certain friends for awhile.
- Consciously avoid letting me get into stressful situations...if something stressful can be put off for a couple of weeks, please try to do so. If not, please try to cushion me.Help me avoid "trigger" situations...places or activities where I usually light up. (For example, don't plan long road trips for the next couple of weeks if I usually smoke in the car).
- Just keep telling me it will get better, that the emptiness and pain will fade, that you love me, and that this effort is worth it.Tell me I am strong.
- Tell me you are proud of me. But also, tell me you will be there no matter what I say or do.
Thank you in advance for being strong enough to love me, and help me through this.
Love, Me
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HI and Welcome to Ex’s...sarahbabii00
You don’t have to be angry...you can choose this quit and turn the anger into working hard for your quit...if it is a big issue, I would consult my Doctor...we all sorta go through the anger stage...but it is temporary ... it is when the child in us matures and knows we can’t just have one...Please make a plan by going to My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX , read the blogs here and become knowledgeable about quitting and the effects of smoking...also know this takes hard work. You have been putting chemicals in your body along time and it takes time for the body to heal...we are here to help and all in this journey together. I suggest you encourage others along this journey, because it helps us to get out of ourselves. You can do this...”one step at a time”...now get working...and you will be amazed...~ Colleen 268 DOF
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Welcome to our community!
Please take some time to understand what happens to your emotions when you quit. The sensors in your brain are throwing temper tantrums, demanding their fix of nicotine is the why. Read on to better deal with them. Please do print out and give that letter to your loved ones; knowing what to expect from you and how they can help, not hinder, would be very useful for you. This addiction has been liked to that of heroin and cocaine - and the better everyone understands what you are going through, the better! It IS a big deal to quit!
The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it online or at your local library. If you do nothing else to get ready for your quit, please do give this a read.
You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.
After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract. I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another. You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them.. For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum. For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for four reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, 3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire and 4) you can become addicted to that and it has not yet been proven safe .
It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced. Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
You need to distract yourself through any craves. You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game. Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time. You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits. Get busy! Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?" Then DO it. You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.
Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!
Nancy
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Thanks everyone for the support! I finally feel like I might be able to get through this.
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Nicotine dependency shows its ugly face when we quit--for a good number of us, anyway. Smoking (feeding the addiction) is easy or so it seems. One of the most effective ways to quit is to realize that you only have to quit one day at a time.One day at a time is often over looked because it is so simple (not easy). The addict mind says, I can't do this forever...
But when you quit, and stick with it, the strain of letting go of the dependency is slowly replaced with strength, wisdom, contentment about quitting--but it all happens one day at a time. The minute you try to reform yourself, right now, forever, gotta do this because...you give yourself over to will and might rather than personal self discipline. It's and addiction, alright, but self discipline is one of the tools you can use to get yourself beyond the addiction.
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Lots of great advice and people here to support you. Do it because you want to quit. You want to live better and longer. You don’t want more complications from smoking. Don’t dread 1uitting. Welcome it. Do it for you because you don’t want to be a smoker anymore. You that anger to propel you forward Use it to make you stronger anainst the nico monster. Do it for you. How I wish I had quit sooner. Do it for you!!
