Dear Man

Discussion created by Thomas3.20.2010 on Aug 15, 2019
Latest reply on Aug 17, 2019 by indingrl.01.06.2011

The ability to remain calm and focused in stressful situations is central to making positive decisions.

Goldie Hawn - American Actress

I have been taking a class in Dialectic Behavioral Therapy. DBT is a cognitive behavioral therapy based on balancing how much I accept my problems vs. changing the problem. It's important to reduce avoidance and try other ways of coping. Here is an appropriate example:

D - describe the facts of the case

      I have a very strong craving for a Sickerette

      I am uncomfortable and triggered by a confrontation with my boss over dbt class

      I am flooded with compelling emotion to go to whatever lengths to get and smoke a Sickerette

E - express your feelings

      I am very angry, irritated, fearful about my boss and my job

      I feel as though I need a Sickerette so that I don't yell at my boss, walk out on my job, or otherwise, get fired

A  - assert 

      Ask my boss for what I feel that I need for my job or say no to a request that I find unreasonable

      Tell myself that the short term relief of a Sickerette will only lead to long term misery

      Let my addiction know that I acknowledge it and there is a difference between need and want  - I don't need a                  Sickerette - I need to not smoke even more

R - reinforce

      Tell my boss what I like about my job and how dbt class would make me even more effective in my opinion

      Acknowledge to myself that the craving makes me uncomfortable and limits my ability to focus at this time  

M - mindful

      Stay present and active listening to boss' response while keeping my request in the fore-front

      Be in the room - do a body scan if necessary to remind me where I am and what I am doing now

A - appear confident

     Control my body language to be effective and competent not angry or defensive - smile, make eye contact, keep              open hands, good tone of voice, express certainty

N - negotiate

      Be willing to give to get with my boss. "I will need to go to dbt class during working hours because I am learning

      skills that will make my absences overall fewer," "I will have fewer absences because my breathing will improve and 

      I will have fewer panic attacks"

      I know I can make it through this without a Sickerette and will feel victorious even if my boss doesn't agree with me 

      about dbt class   

Maybe somebody else could benefit from this skill. Here I am using it simultaneously with my boss and with my addictive self. It is used to improve interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships, i.e., with myself.