6 Months and I'm Just Now Craving Badly. Danger!

Discussion created by Throwbvibe on Aug 8, 2019
Latest reply on Aug 21, 2019 by elvan

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I'm a newbie. I quit on Feb 5 cold Turkey after 19 years of smoking an average of half a pack a day. This was honestly a pretty pain free quit. I think being in a different city with family helped. I also started on a low dosage antidepressant for my anxiety/ depression issues. Its helped. What also helped my quit was this bout of hypochondria I had right around my quit. I've worked through that in the past few months.

My surroundings haven't changed but these past 2 weeks i've had serious craves! I'm also getting very depressed about the idea of never smoking. The thought of everything i used to enjoy feels boring and meaningless without it. I used to love playing poker; having a drink with friends; playing pool etc. When I return to my hometown I cant picture doing any of those things without smoking. The thought of it depresses me and makes me anxious . I've began to rationalize a few cigs pr returning to Hookahs which I smoked when I quit cigs fot a few years. The scary part is I'm even rationalizing just becoming a life long smoker - "we gotta die somehow!" Yeah I'm at that level of denial.

Please help. This feels like torture. I'm 6 months in and I now feel like its day 2!

Outcomes

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AnnetteMM Aug 9, 2019 11:38 AM
Hello and welcome! You may be new to us, but you are no Newbie! In fact, at 6 months nicotine free you are officially in No Man's Land, and everything you're feeling is absolutely normal. READ:No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)
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- Throwbvibe @ AnnetteMM on Aug 9, 2019 1:42 PM
  Thank you. Can no mans land kick in later? I'm beyond 130 days.
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  - AnnetteMM @ Throwbvibe on Aug 10, 2019 11:05 AM
    It's a state of mind and those days are just a guideline. If the description resonates with you, you're there.
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Barbara145 Aug 9, 2019 12:39 PM
Don't do it! I did that several years ago. I was thinking I wanted my old self back. I began smoking again and smoked for about 11 more years. I now have severe emphysema. Quit while you are ahead. I promise you it will pass. The new you ends up being a much better version of yourself. Hang in there. You have done a beautiful job.
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- Throwbvibe @ Barbara145 on Aug 9, 2019 1:45 PM
  I'm so sorry to hear that. That's a fear of mine - having a few then smoking for years. I quit in 2012 and resorted to smoking hookahs socially maybr 2x a week. Although not ideal, at least I was off cigs. I had just one in 2015 after a rough night and ended up at half a pack for 4 years.
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Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Aug 9, 2019 1:21 PM
I made a poster for my son that says "Don't believe everything you think". Sometimes his depression speaks LOUDLY and he forgets that our brains don't always say things that are true. So when you start rationalizing smoking, say out loud "I don't do that anymore!" Be as proud of your quit now as you were at the beginning!
Take good care of yourself as well. We tend to weaken when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (H.A.L.T.). Have you rewarded yourself in anyway since you've quit? You need to!! Even if it's just going out to dinner, buying a book you really want to read, or even taking a trip someplace fun!! You deserve good things and it's up to you to get them
Keep breathing as you remember that you are an ex-smoker and can live without them. I, for one, am impressed with the way you took to your quit!! Good job!!!
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Throwbvibe Aug 9, 2019 1:51 PM
I think I replied privately to some posts by mistake.
Thank u for the comments. It took a while for this thread to approve and post but I didn't smoke. I'm still mentally struggling. I just didn't expect to be here at 6 mos. It's quit discouraging as I can't imagine feeling like this forever. I'll remain hopeful it'll pass. Someone mentioned treating myself. I think I'll try that. I've done a few things but it's been while.
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indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 9, 2019 2:35 PM
Welcome thanks for shating - CONGRATS YOUR NEW NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE and YOU are NOT ALONE - MY victim child ADDICT thinking has to GO - YOU MY BELOVED RECOVERING from NICOTINE family member get to UNLEARN YOUR old FEELING thinking and learn to choose - YOUR OWN NEW mindset - ideas - NEW mindset to use - SUGGESTIONS offered from others and YOUR OWN CHOICES - to live ONE day at a time - to CHOOSE of YOUR own free will - what works best for YOU to COPE with YOUR insides issues - how not to let your feelings run YOU - to use YOUR DRUG NICOTINE - YOUR old life of using those death sticks to COPE - as a excuse and as a solution to an over load of FFFEEELLLINGS or YOUR reactions on how to handle YOUR - life on lifes terms that hits YOU smack in the face - suddenly - life HAPPENS to EVERYONE - with a tragedy or joy filled news or a lousy day or a frustration YOUR feeling cuz YOU didn't get YOUR way or your car won't start or there is news of a death in the family - I was 3 months clean from NICOTINE- I was blessed with a cold turkey quit too and at 3 months clean I got news MY brother in love was killed by drunk driver - the drunks 2nd or 3rd DUI - MY sister asked ME to speak at funeral and it was 1st time traveling out of state without using death sticks to drive - I came here told them - told on my hurricane tornado storms of MY immature emotions HITTING HARD and I am ready to run to NICOTINE to cope with MY life and then I prayed the Serenity Prayer and then - I remembered - I am a NON SMOKER TODAY and I came here and asked for HELP and they taught ME how to drive out of state without using my DRUG NICOTINE - they told ME to blog when I could and I did and that's how it is done for MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE - I blog and I ask blog and I blog to tell on MY stinking vicitim child thinking and get a NEW MINDSET that works for ME to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER ME - no matter what and for ME in MY Lord Jesus name amen - please I am talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - gentle hug
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- Throwbvibe @ indingrl.01.06.2011 on Aug 9, 2019 3:11 PM
  Thank you very much. That's exactly what it feels like - my feelings running my addiction. And the fear of life without the false coping cancer sticks. Also romanticizing my smoking days and thinking i miss that "conforted" feeling i had when lighting up. The distraction from my problems while feeding and relieving my craves and getting that fleeting hit of feel good dopamine. Thats the thing, especially when u suffer from anxiety or depression already. I associate relief with cigs.
  
  Talking and sharing does help. Every bit does. Prayer is something I need to return to as well.
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  - marciem @ Throwbvibe on Aug 9, 2019 3:54 PM
    Yes, what you seek is comfort, and your old way was to smoke and turn on the dopramine. Exercise can give you that, and deep breathing can be soothing. (I can't exercise much [thanks to my past smoking] but deep breathing is my go-to stress reliever, even now). There is oodles of information out there to help you find comforters that won't kill you. And guess what? That happy comfy smoker that used to be in you has left the building, and a smoke now wouldn't comfort you, it would demean you and make you sad and angry at yourself and taste purely AWFUL.
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  - Gwenivere @ Throwbvibe on Aug 9, 2019 4:06 PM
    I could have written this myself. You decribed so accurately how I feel at 9 months. My anxiety and depression have also increased. Some are other stressors, but a lot is the finality of it all. I’m sorry you are feeling so bad, but you aren’t alone. I thought by now I’d have some positive post, but I don’t. I liked smoking and giving up messed me up physically as well. I’m not romanticizing them, had them good times and bad, just were a part of me. If I hadn’t had to quit I wouldn’t have. Just glad there are places like this I can express that and not be judged. Just look at the support that has poured out to you. Amazing people.
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    - Throwbvibe @ Gwenivere on Aug 9, 2019 6:52 PM
      Thank you for that reply. I think not really struggling the first 5 mos of my quit makes this more jarring. I feel kind of ill equipped. Very thankful I found this site. I'd even called a 1800 help line last week for an intervention. Lol so pathetic.
      
      I hope these feelings get better, for the both of us!
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      - Jdeering @ Throwbvibe on Aug 9, 2019 9:00 PM
        I don't think threat is pathetic, I believe you did what you needed to do to keep your quit, kudos for doing what it takes!
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marciem Aug 9, 2019 3:13 PM
Hi there!! You were blessed to have had an easy time in your early quit. Just remember... quitting smoking is NOT an event, it is a process... a lifelong process. It sounds like you're having your hard time now instead of earlier, but these are not physical craves, they are mental games your addict-brain is playing with you. Why it is happening at six months I couldn't say, other than that we are all different. I can say that it is temporary and you won't always feel this way or have these thoughts. You may be doing what we call "romancing the cigarette", remembering it better than it really was (like that old toxic relationship than ended ... there were good times, and at moments you wonder why it broke up, and maybe you should call? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

You CAN have fun without smoking. You will be able to have more fun without smoking. You won't have to step out of a bar or restaurant or pool hall or house or public place to smoke. I don't know about hookah places, IMO hookah is smoking and will reintroduce you to your addictive substance of choice, so stay away from those.

The feelings and thoughts that you're having are NOT calls to action. Feelings and thoughts won't kill you. Smoking will. So distract your mind, tell them "NOPE I don't do that anymore", and move on. Don't dwell on them, that's just asking for trouble. It will definitely subside and get better. Promise ! (I can promise because I have been there, and if it didn't get better I'd be back to smoking by now )

Best to you going forward!
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- Throwbvibe @ marciem on Aug 9, 2019 3:49 PM
  That was very helpful and comforting, thank you!
  
  Yeah I dont think hookah is an option either. I know plenty of "nonsmokers" who hookah socially but they weren't addicted to cigs like I am. I know it'll just be a placeholder for a full relapse anyway.
  
  Having fun without cigs? Sounds so foreign! I think I may need new hobbies for a while when I return to my hometown? My local bar allowed indoor smoking as did the pool hall. Too many memories linked to cigs.
  
  I also have 2 friends who are smokers and our time involved smoking infused activities. I cant see being around them while experiencing these feelings.
  
  What's funny about smoking is that it gave me this comforted, confident feeling when I lit up. I can't describe it. I know it was probably just the feeling of relieving addiction that Alan Carr describes but i'll be damned if it didn't feel very real. When I had a pressing problem and lit up, i felt like it'll be ok - i can figure it out. When i was lonely and lit up, i felt not so alone. When I was nervous and lit up, I felt like I was breathing out relief. It seemed to make a drink taste better and a conversation seem more interesting. That's what I fear never feeling or having in my life.
  
  I know i'm romanticizing the addiction. I'm just struggling to reframe and stop even though I know the truth. What a convoluted and insidious thing it is, addiction.
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  - marciem @ Throwbvibe on Aug 9, 2019 6:14 PM
    You know, at six months, you should be able to venture to smoking areas... as long as you have a PLAN and an escape. Plan what you will do instead of smoke, while you enjoy your friends. Lollipops, twizzlers, straws, worry beads if you start feeling anxious. Practice ahead of time if need be. While there, if your feelings become overwhelming, plan your escape. Enlist your friends to help you not smoke. If they are real friends, they will be proud of you and not try to undermine your quit. But don't be afraid to say "Night all" if you feel like your only option is to smoke or explode.
    
    There really is life and fun without smoking. Work on your mindset and believe! . But do have a plan, that always helps.
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    - Throwbvibe @ marciem on Aug 9, 2019 7:08 PM
      I think that because i've been out of town, around all non smokers my entire quit, AND didn't xperience any terrible craves the first 5.5 months, i'm now at a newbie level of mental vulnerability. The idea of being in the places where I smoked with my smoker friends just gave me a bit of a panicky jolt! Lol But I completely agree that hiding just reinforces the fear and addiction.
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Jdeering Aug 9, 2019 4:52 PM
1. Great job coming here instead of caving.
2. Perhaps your craving it's that you feel you are missing out on something, you are not, the smokers around you envy that you are not smoking (Allen Carr)
3. Keep your quit, if you smoke, you'll just become angry with yourself!
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- Throwbvibe @ Jdeering on Aug 9, 2019 7:07 PM
  Thank you. I still have my pdf of allen carr from my old quit. I should read it again for a refresher.
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sweetplt Aug 9, 2019 5:10 PM
No more to add...you have received a lot of great information...I hope you didn’t smoke...Happy Friday ~ Colleen 249 DOF
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elvan Aug 9, 2019 6:40 PM
You are sadly, romancing the cigarette and it doesn't deserve it. I understand since I have been there and have lost quits thinking I could have "just one." You are listening to your addiction and it is thrilled at the thought of having you back. Life doesn't stop because we don't smoke, things are not less fun because we don't smoke...continuing to smoke can make life stop much sooner than it should and let me tell you that it is no fun having a smoking related illness like COPD. You should be coming here every day, twice a day when you can...reading blogs, looking for support and giving support to others. This journey is an amazing journey as long as you allow it to be and you keep your quit in today when you need to. Don't allow your memories to destroy your quit, it's entirely possible that some of your friends may have quit and those who haven't, don't GET to smoke, they HAVE to smoke. I have been smoke free for over 5 1/2 years and my only regret is that I did not quit sooner. Now, my life is impacted by my shortness of breath, my overwhelming fatigue, my embarrassment over doing this to myself.

Stay close, LISTEN to people here and not your addiction.
Ellen
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- Throwbvibe @ elvan on Aug 9, 2019 7:01 PM
  You're right, I am. I'm trying to self talk out of romanticizing. Its difficult. I do know that I can't just have one. I'll be back at half a pack, prolly for years to come. I told myself I'd quit before I turned 40. I really don't want to break that pledge and regret it. I'm sorry you're dealing with health issues and appreciate all the support the members seem to offer here. I'll definitely utilize it. I'm glad I found it !
  
  How did you avoid the pitfalls during your final quit?
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  - elvan @ Throwbvibe on Aug 9, 2019 7:20 PM
    I avoided the pitfalls by coming here every morning and every evening and by reading blogs and seeing what worked for others. I knew I could not keep smoking unless I wanted to expect my family to watch me die. I may still die of a smoking related illness but I am no longer contributing to it. I will do everything I can to take care of myself and to live my life to its fullest by NOT smoking.
    
    I know you can do this. On my ten month anniversary of my quit, my house burned down and my husband and I lost everything, including our three beloved cats, I cry every single time I think of that day. I was at work when the fire started, I came home when I was called, I stood outside as the windows exploded out of the house and the flames broke through the roof. I NEVER considered smoking, I KNEW it would not change anything, I knew it had never done anything for me. I had known that for a while. You CAN do this and you can show others HOW it is done.
    Best,
    Ellen
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    - Throwbvibe @ elvan on Aug 9, 2019 8:14 PM
      Amazing, you're inspiring. So sorry about your fur babies! I lost my 17 year old Maltese 4 months into my quit. I haven't cried so much in a long time. I keep his urn close by. I didn't consider smoking and i'm so glad it was before these cravings.
      
      I will certainly heed your advice and really use this resource. I need it!!
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Barbscloud Aug 10, 2019 9:23 AM
Glad you came here to express your feelings. It really does help. While your going through this stage, stay close and use the support that's here. Sorry for the loss of your dog. I also lost a dog into my quit. I didn't know if I'd would be able to keep my quit when that happened, but I did and so did you. That takes a real commitment. So there''s no reason to go back now.
Barb
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Throwbvibe Aug 21, 2019 8:45 PM
Just checking to say i'm still craving but i'm still QUIT! It isnt easy but trying to stay positive. Thank you guys!
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- elvan @ Throwbvibe on Aug 21, 2019 9:03 PM
  CONGRATULATIONS you are doing great. I know that it is not always easy to stay positive but I try to remember that it takes much more energy to be negative. Celebrate your success, we all want you to succeed and we are all here for you.
  Ellen
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sweetplt Aug 21, 2019 8:47 PM
So happy you are still Quit....keep busy and keep that quit...it will get better Throwbvibe
~ Colleen 261 DOF
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6 Months and I'm Just Now Craving Badly. Danger!

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