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Give and get support around quitting

Gwenivere
Member

I want a cigarette!!!

I have been jonesing for a cigarette for days now.  I’m at over 7 months.  All the frilly talk of it serving no purpose don’t matter.  I want to inhale that smoke and feel calm like I used to.   I’ve read all the info and much is lost in me anyway.  Yes, I was addicted tho I didn’t know it as such til I stopped using.  I wasn’t covering up any deep seated emotions.  We coexisted just fine.  I wasn’t a chain smoker and could easily go hours without one.  In the last week or so many problems have popped up that I know a cigarette won’t fix.  I never expected them to.  My mind was just clearer and I could relax and step back for a little bit.  I factor in a new med I am on that is causing terrible side effects, my old dog needing possible surgery, the loss of my husband for help and being so alone.  Truly.  No close family or friends. All I have are doctors, counselors and web sites to reach out to.  No significant human contact. 

So i post here.  You are all wonderful and supportive people, but I don’t need the standard advice.  I have no intention of smoking.  I just can’t get out of under the memory of how, in a way, they did fix things.  It was my normal.  I don’t like this one for how fixated I am on it that I wasn’t on cigs.  I’m using NRTs and do have a fixation as they don’t deliver in a way I can count on so I get too little or too much.  

Just needed to vent.  So much of this is wanting my life back as it was before fighting my husbands cancer and the life I loved.  Some days it’s just too overwhelming to be alone.

53 Replies
indingrl
Member

Thanks for venting blog - gentle hug❤

JACKIE1-25-15
Member

 I’m using NRTs and do have a fixation as they don’t deliver in a way I can count on so I get too little or too much

Please take what you can use with no frills or standard advise just the honest truth which I hope you are willing to receive. I did not know that you were still using NRT's.  As long as you continue to put nicotine in your system you will continue to want a cigarette.  It may be time for you to bite the bullet and let the NRT go.   I am glad you will not smoke no matter what is happening in your life.  The journey continues I hope that it gets better for you. Wishing you the best recovery.

Gwenivere
Member

Thanks, Jackie.  This I do know.  I don’t want to blow this and have to pick my battles.  I have to get physically functional again before I take on the next, tho the dog might not be optional.  All I know right now is my thyroid med has so messed up my life I’m surprised I’m still sane. And that I doubt every day.  I’m not looking for praise, but I’m glad I have at least not increased the NRT's.  It’s amazing how this other condition is almost as bad as quitting.  I’d actually be doing better with cigs trying to be dealing with one war.

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mercury87436
Member

You keep saying life was better when you smoked, but that isn't true. It's just not or you wouldn't have quit in the first place. No frills: Pick yourself up by your bootstraps. You're either committed to your quit or you aren't. No more excuses.

lqsi12
Member

You’re just digging in your heels if you’re still using NRT’s after this length of time. Sorry I’m so brutally honest

 Also go back and read this blog of your own writing, from April this year. Along with the replies

Have gained nothing positive

I’ve copied this from the American Cancer Society website on quitting smoking and NRT use 

Long-term nicotine replacement therapy dependence

Nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) has the potential for long-term dependence. Nicotine is addictive, and people can transfer their dependence from tobacco to the NRT.

Use NRT only as long as you need it, as prescribed by your health care provider. Talk to your provider if you’re having trouble stopping NRT.

Maybe it’s time you have a serious discussion with yourself if you really want to quit your addiction

Barbara145
Member

I don't think NRT's are your problem.  I don't think Mayo Clinic would object either.  Your self isolation is a big part of your troubles.  Sending you love and prayers.  Find something to enjoy today

Barbscloud
Member

I agree with Barbara.   I know using NRT so long isn't the ideal, but I still believe it's better than the alternative.  Like most people, you expected to feel better physically and emotionally when you quit smoking.  Unfortunately, you don't. 

Hugs,

Barb

Gwenivere
Member

I forgot to mention I have spoken to my doctor and her take is use them as you want.  It’s the smoke that has to be gone.  She was a super heavy smoker to get thru med school so she really gets it.  She thought she could just drop it when going into practice.  Surprise!

mercury87436
Member

It sounds like you're looking for an excuse to smoke again. As my dad says, "If you're looking for an excuse to smoke, you'll find one."

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