When I first started design school, this was the motto: Fail fast, fail early. The point of thinking like that was to train to explore designs early in the process and what would work and what would not work. The end goal, to make sure we had enough time to complete a design in the given amount of time for each project.
Well, it’s all that goes through my mind tonight as I have failed fast and failed early on quitting the ecig this week.
But I have learned a lot.
One, I am strong until I get an irresistible craving that makes rational go out the window as I trot over to buy another ecig
Two, it does not resolve anything. Nothing at all when I puff on the ecig again.
Three, I did not read enough about quitting and have proceeded to do a ton of research this week on what’s going on with me on this site as well as articles.
Four, I can do this. I have to commit. I have to listen to what is being taught to me here.
Five, I have not ever had so much support in my life towards something I have wanted so desperately to quit yet I still doubted myself in those moments.
Six, I am inspired by everyone who quit this week and made it past the first week. I am proud of them. And want to be a quitter too.
Seven, I am not going to beat myself up. I am going to resume with the quit.
Eight, there is a part of me that did not want to quit and I fought that part of me all week. I am aware of that part of me now. More aware then ever
Nine, I could have spent the money I spent on ecigs to get a massage, buy a nice outfit, get a manicure, or any other self loving thing I could have thought of in that moment before I bought it instead of, it.
Ten, there is no going back. I wanted to quit. I prepared to quit. I mentally prepared to quit. I know now I need better quit strategies and an arsenal of things. Possibly even a list. A personal list of why I do not want to smoke the ecig anymore.
I quit cigarettes. It seems like I managed to do that when I did not think I could. So, I can do this.
Whats my nest strategy to not relapse? I read the relapse stories. It’s me to a tee.
Will a list help me? A physical list? A supply bag of mints, the toothpicks, and possibly an emergency bag of supplies to get me through those moments?
Will it get better after I make it through one week? One month? One year?
Is it delusional that i just want to go for it again, bright and early tmrw and keep pounding away at my quit even after failing so many times this week?
Is ot possible that I am learning every time a little more about what is not working for me? Or am I just dragging this out? Wait, I think I am postponing it every time I crave and buy an ecig.
Feeling a bit down about it. Yet, optimistic at the same time. After all, there have been many many MANY times I have failed fast and failed early before in other aspects of life where I have come out ahead for all i learned in my fails. I’d like to believe this will be one of those glorious moments.