I am new and I will succeed

Discussion created by reen2u on Jul 16, 2019
Latest reply on Dec 23, 2019 by YoungAtHeart

Hello.  I am Maureen. In 53 yrs old and a mother to beautiful 20 year old twin girls. 

The night I got pregnant with them I had quit smoking after 19 years. 

I didn't want it to be 20 years that I had smoked.  I kept it up for 6 wonderful years.  I started smoking again in 2004. I've quit for weeks at a time,  but always went back. 

This has to be the final attempt. I got diagnosed with melanoma on my scalp last July. I had 2 surveys and they found it no where else. You would of thought all I went through would of made me quit. But it didn't. In December of last year I was hospitalized with what I thought was pnemonia. After 4 days they told me they found nodules on my left lung. After going back up to Dana Farber and having a petscan it was confirmed. I have stage 4, because it metastasized,  melanoma in left lung.  You think that would of made me quit smoking. Nope! I've used cigarettes to get through alot of painful and difficult times in my life. My girls can't understand why I still smoke. Neither can I really but they don't know the addiction. The breaking even when I had one 20 minutes ago. I've got the patch,  i've got the gum. When I did it in 1998 I did the gum for a few days then went cold turkey. Im going to try to do the same again. To me the vape I have keeps the smoking sensation going. The patch will keep the nicotine going. I pray I can have the strength to do it for the rest of my life. Which I want to be a lot longer. 

I look forward to reading posts. I had a quit partner back then. Now it's just me. I have to do this for me.