Still grateful , struggling though ....

Discussion created by Andstillirise on Jun 30, 2019
Latest reply on Jul 1, 2019 by pcolaflorida

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Day 77 and today has been worst day by far . I really feel like smoking but I won’t .

Today I went running in my favorite neighborhood I was hoping to move to . That won’t be happening . I can’t afford to live there . Even if I could swing it my home would take forever to sell because I live so far from everything....So I’m having a bit of a pity party and feeling sad and sorry for myself . Usually I get over things quickly but since I’ve quit smoking this time , the sadness lingers ....

i decided just to go home and appreciate my beautiful home , vegetable garden and my beloved dog . So what if I stay in a rear view town that doesn’t so much as have sidewalks and getting the city to pick up the garbage is a struggle every single week . I feed about 30 strays daily as people here don’t believe in having their animals fixed . It could always be much much worse .... I could be a Syrian refugee or live in a cave in Yemen or a war torn country .

Thanks for listening . And no worries I am not going to smoke .

Outcomes

12 Replies

sweetplt Jun 30, 2019 6:39 PM
Bless your heart...I feel you are just having a moment...and I feel your sadness like the Sunday Blues...and that is when Nico calls us...you are smart ... you know this, and came here and blogged...at 77 Days quit you are doing great...we always have to give vigilant...I hope this evening you snuggle up and watch a good show or movie...get some sleep and know tomorrow will be a new day and I hope a better one...

People are sick in this world not getting their animals fixed and also, just letting the strays run off...Thank you for being so kind and feeding so many kitties...

Be good to you tonight...Thoughts and cyber hubs out to you ~ Colleen 109 DOF
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Jun 30, 2019 7:39 PM
We really never learned to deal with our emotions when we smoked - hiding behind that cloud of smoke is what we did instead. So - when we are newly faced with them, they seem much amplified. It's all part of the journey we all are on.
Maybe tonight would be a good one to write down three things for which you are grateful...then write three more tomorrow and the next day. Feel JOY at the good you are able to do for those kitties!
Nancy
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gregp136 Jun 30, 2019 7:48 PM
It is hard. Without the nicotine bully holding us up, we do have feelings and emotions we did not have to deal with before. But the urge to smoke is like the rest of life. It is temporary. You have no idea what life will throw at you in the future. I can promise that there will be some good things, and other things not as good. And I also know that nicotine may numb the feelings of the good and the bad, you will handle both better without nicotine.

It takes some of us longer to learn that than others. Keep up the good work.
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Beck37 Jun 30, 2019 8:24 PM
Sometimes being alone is lonely..... This isn’t about smoking, it’s about life and life being hard and unfair. It must be so difficult to be around so many homeless dogs. It would break my heart. Thanks for doing what you do. I already know that you understand you are blessed. We all have down moments and wish things were different and that’s okay.

Its okay to have a pity party every now and then. Just stay on track as to what you are grieving. You are doing so amazing and tomorrow will be a new day. Don’t ever give up on your hopes and dreams.

We we are here for you....

Becj
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indingrl.01.06.2011 Jun 30, 2019 8:33 PM
CONGRATS 71 DAYS! Your doing good dealing in YOUR reality with life on life's terms - adjusting YOUR attitude to gratidtude while admitting YOUR insides feelings out and still STAYING in love with YOU - no matter WHAT - you are OK inside YOUR heart YOUR home and YOUR OWN PERSONAL NON SMOKER life style - WAY TO GO! gentle hug ❤
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Andstillirise Jun 30, 2019 8:41 PM
Thank you everyone. I will keep on keeping on ....the stray animal situation in my town is disgraceful. Luckily, I have a large wrap around porch so both the cats and dogs in the area sleep and relax there . I love them all but can’t let them inside the house as my dog is not animal friendly , so I feed them , leave water out 24/7 and pet them outside . It ticks me off how irresponsible so many people in the area are .
Moving away just isn’t an option and for some reason it’s really bothered and hurt me today . I feel like I’m trapped . A prisoner here....I love my home and garden , just wish the area was more progressive and not so backwards ....
Thank you for all the support and encouragement. I hope tomorrow will be a better day .
Thankful I’m not a smoker anymore !!!!
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- Beck37 @ Andstillirise on Jun 30, 2019 9:03 PM
  I totally get it. I’m stuck in California. I love my home but I’m here all alone and would love to live closer to family. Its just not possible financially for me to move as long as I still have to work. At my age no one would hire me and I can’t afford to start all over making minimum wage...
  
  It is what it is..... We just have to look at the blessings in our life and focus on that until we can make the changes that we need. Hang in there!!!!!
  
  Beck
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elvan Jun 30, 2019 10:21 PM
We are always going to have good days and bad days, just like we did when we smoked. The difference is that we are FEELING our feelings, we have to recognize that stuffing them lead to emotional stunting and, at some point in time, we have to learn to deal with them. It really does get easier, smoking NEVER HELPED...it just delayed our growth and, in some cases, stole much of our lives.

Thinking of you, sending hugs.
Ellen
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Barbscloud Jul 1, 2019 7:59 AM
Hoping your feeling better. It's normal to feel sorry for ourselves once in a while. You don't have to be a smoker to feel that way. That's wonderful of you taking care of the strays. What would they do without you being there? Big congrats on your 77 days and not smoking through a rough day.
Barb
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Christine13 Jul 1, 2019 12:55 PM
I'm sorry I didn't see your post last night. I hope you are feeling better today. I give you many Kudos for feeding the cats and dogs. It's a disgrace that so many don't have homes.
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elvan Jul 1, 2019 4:18 PM
Hope today is a much better day.
Ellen
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pcolaflorida Jul 1, 2019 10:25 PM
Happy day 79! Wow, I hope that I am posting and not smoking on day 79 (07-02). I just stopped today and I made it but it was rough. Thanks for the heads up about the emotions. I beginning to think by reading different posts it's like losing something you loved so much... Then you have to go through all those stages of sorrow! I know your day is going well today because you are a survivor and others see you and look up to you. Keep pushing and when you least expect it something will happen that allows you to move. Good luck.
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Still grateful , struggling though ....

Outcomes

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