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Give and get support around quitting

Mamainbloom
Member

How were you able to quit of your spouse still smokes?

I  vape. I have been vaping for about 3 years now since switching from cigarettes. I enjoy vaping but I know how harmful it is for me and it gives me the worst anxiety about cancer and health problems. Everyone in my family smokes and I currently have an uncle dying from stage 4 lung cancer from years of smoking. Call me selfish but it still hasn’t been enough to kick the habit. I was able to stop smoking many times during my pregnancies so I know I can do it.  But I literally have no self control when it is around. My husband juul’s and I have begged him to stop for me. But he’s not ready to and with it being around I can’t stop. My question is how were you able to quit with the temptation being everywhere. I wish I had the will power and I’ll go a day or two without it but the moment it’s there and I feel anxious or stressed all my will power is out the window. Desperate to be smoke free forever. I wanna live for a longtime to see my children grow up.

5 Replies
elvan
Member

I don't know why no one seems to have responded to this...welcome to EX.  You need to accept that nicotine addiction is not a habit, it is an addiction and it is very serious and very powerful.  I think it would be great if your husband would not use his Juul in your presence and would not leave it laying around but you have to understand that your quit is going to have to be your priority...NUMBER ONE.  Make plans for your quit...My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX  Read everything you can about nicotine addiction and accept that quitting is not an event, it is a one day at a time journey.  Read blogs, I suggest a couple written by JonesCarpeDiem‌ that I think you will find helpful, /blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months and https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/thread/6040-my-welcome-to-new-members-12-years-of-watching   Identify your triggers and plan for what you will do instead of smoking or vaping when those triggers occur, I guarantee you that they will occur.  Stay close to this site...education, support, and your own commitment to your quit will get you through anything.  I smoked for 47 years and had many unsuccessful quits before this one thanks to the support from EX.  I have not smoked in over five years and I never regret quitting, I will always regret starting.

Welcome...read blogs every morning and every evening and any time you have in between, we all want you to succeed at this.

Ellen

It's not about willpower.

It's about making a choice to do this for yourself and accepting it.

Once you get off the nicotine the draw will lessen.

The hand to mouth and the memories connected to your smoking routine take time.

This is your life.

This is your choice.

Beck37
Member

So sorry haven’t reached out sooner but some how your post was buried....

Welcome to Ex. I was with my dad when he died of lung cancer and it still took me 20 years to quit. Quitting is a personal journey.  If you truly want to quit then you will have to ignore what’s going on around you. We can’t change others but can change how they affect us. You need to dig down deep inside of yourself and find that willpower as for me it is really the only tool you need in order to be successful. Temptation is always going to be around you just need to change the way you think of it. Start thinking of it merely as an object. Think of your dad and how he looked before he passed..... 

 What are your reasons for wanting to quit? Have you written them down? What are the positives of vaping?  Whether you have support at home or not your quit is all about you. You are an addict. Everyone on this site is an addict. Our stories are different but we all have our addiction in common. We are here to tell you that although it is hard it is so do-able and you will survive. 

Stay out of your head and just do it.  Make yourself proud....

Beck

Giulia
Member

Welcome.  This process of quitting isn't just about willpower.  I call it self discipline, myself, but it's about understanding our addiction to nicotine.  This isn't just a habit.  When you are educated about the affects of nicotine on your brain, you begin to have a whole new understanding of your connection and relationship to the NEED for it.  

It's a NEED that can be overcome, but we don't know HOW until we're educated.  So just read on here.  Read everything you can.  Take what works, let go of what doesn't and especially pay attention to that which irritates you emotionally.  Because that's likely the thing you need to learn the most.  What's pushing your buttons is an indication of the area in which you need to grow.  

Mine isn't an answer to you question about a smoking spouse, per se, but it may lead you in a direction that's helpful. 

"My question is how were you able to quit with the temptation being everywhere."  When your commitment, your resolve, is 100% "no matter what," the temptation lessens greatly.  It's in the waffling of our decision that drives us crazy.  You just have to agree with the choice you've made to quit.  The temptation will always be around us.  But in the beginning of our quits we need to limit that temptation as much as possible.  Which means, not hanging around smokers, getting rid of all smoking paraphernalia and asking our spouses and friends and family to go outside to smoke or smoke in another area.  

Don't be dismayed.  You can do this.  Stick around and stay open minded to the process.  

Thovis
Member

My wife still smokes and it doesn't bother me.  Last time I attempted to quit, we quit together.  That's way too much.  I felt like I was on top of my quit, but she was struggling so much that it was exhausting me.  I would have to talk her off of the ledge multiple times per day.  I ended up going to the store and buying a pack to end the misery.  This time I did it on my own and it's been fairly smooth.  I'm only 5 weeks in, but I already know I will never touch another one.  I figured out the secret......   

First and probably the most important thing any of us can tell you.  "Quitting has nothing to do with will power".  Will power means I am just delaying my usage or intake, it's not quitting.  Nobody has the will power to completely stop. This may sound way too simple, but all you have to do is quit.  Make it your decision.  When it's your decision, people smoking around you doesn't make it harder.  In fact, it kind of helps me.  It looks bad, smells bad, and kills you.  I'm above it. 

Roughly 25 years ago, my dad quit smoking.  He just laid them down and didn't have any issues.  I asked him how he was able to do it and commented that he must have incredible will power.  He said, "will power has nothing to do with it.  I just decided I was going to quit, so I did."  I thought he was just a better, smarter person than me until recently.  I just decided to quit, so I did.