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Give and get support around quitting

TriGirl
Member

Handling Aggravation

My husband watches TV endlessly. It drives me CRAZY!!!! Here I am sailing away onto Day 5 and I get up to enjoy my coffee and breakfast in peace and quiet-- and he's already down here with the programs!!! Our house is teeny, so there is just NOWHERE to go except outside or back to the bedroom if I want quiet. I don't WANT to go back to my room and I haven't tried sitting outside because that was my place to smoke!!!

We've had SO many fights about this. But he is sick with pneumonia right now. (BTW- he is also quitting but he's doing it cold turkey and hasn't logged in here yet. I'm hoping the pneumonia keeps him away from it.) But the doctor told him that some people experience flu-like symptoms when quitting cold turkey. Is that true???

I had prepared for EVERYTHING except handling Aggravation!! I suppose in addition to kicking nicotine, part of quitting NEEDS to be developing better stress responses. I'm gonna need a book on that next. I promise I'm not running out to buy a pack, but I am going to chance the backyard with my coffee and NOT create a scene. He is sick, after all. But, what do you all DO to handle stress and aggravation differently. If I ever have a weak moment, THIS is what I predict will cause it!!!! Grrrrr...now my coffee is cold.....

18 Replies
Barbscloud
Member

Significant others  certainly can be source of aggravation, stress, anger, etc. and these emotions are real triggers for most of us.   Fortunate for me, my house is big enough that we can get away from each other.  I smoked outside also, so I understand that not feeling like a refuge for you right now.   When I'd take the dog out after I quit (she liked to lay in the yard), I'd take my cell phone and play video games. The obvious answer to relieve stress is go for a walk, but I doubt you need more exercise.     Deep breathing, is an excellent way to relieve stress.  And, I would also come to the Ex to vent that I needed help.  That time on the Ex helped me to calm down.  Learning to cope with our stress with out smoking is part of this journey because we've always believed smoking relieved our stress.   This will pass and you're doing so well with your positive attitude.  I heard this phrase once  "somebody hurts me,  so I beat myself up"   How stupid is that!

Barb

Video Link : 2370 

AnnetteMM
Member

I read a very wise thing once about relationship problems.

So here it is:

You have exactly 3 choices right now.

1. Stay aggravated

2. Stop being aggravated

3. Leave

The one choice you don't have is to change his behavior.

So!  How can you stop being aggravated?

Beck37
Member

Love this... so right!

YoungAtHeart
Member

How about putting that coffee in a travel type mug and go for a quick walk?  Look at the sky!  Hear the birds!  Say hello and smile when you see another person!  Or - go outside but in a place different from where you smoked.  Can you drag a chair under a tree?  Or take a stool to a different spot.  Your association with smoking is probably not with outside - but a particular place with a particular view - change that up and you should be fine.

I also recommend counting backwards from 1,000  - or counting the red/blue/white things you see in a room.  Try the slow/deep breaths.  I think you will be amazed at how well that works.

Maybe when you calm down you can reach a compromise with hubby about the TV....or can you maybe plug in headphones so you don't have to listen, too?

You are doing so well - and relearning how to DEAL with life instead of hiding from it behind that cloud of smoke.  It IS a learning experience - and you might be surprised how much you will grow with it!

Hang in there!

Nancy

TriGirl
Member

Headphones are a brilliant idea!!!

Giulia
Member

I think all above me have given great ideas.  Being outside AWAY from the annoyance will definitely help, but you have to change your view (internally and externally).  Maybe drink tea or hot chocolate or cider instead.  Make the area where you sit different in some way.  Put up a wind chime or humming bird feeder to look at.  Decorate with plants?   Do you have a laptop you could take out with you and maybe plug in some ear phones and listen to a 30 minute meditation - there are many good ones on the internet.  Another idea, get a copy of The Artist's Way.   I found it very helpful for working through the internal Grrrrrrrrs.  

And yes, I've heard people here complain of flu-like symptoms as a side-effect of quitting (not sure it's just cold-turkey, however, I believe it also can happen during the weaning off nicotine process from NRTs also.)  You can google a lot of info about that.

And you're right.  One does need to develop better stress responses during quitting.  But that's one of the great things we learn during the process.  It's part of our homework.  Hang in.

sweetplt
Member

You received some great advice above me...I will tell you this journey quit, is so much more than just quitting smoking...it is dealing with good and bad without the smokes...it takes tears, facing truths and most of all Letting Go...

You need to focus on your quit this early on.... and getting away from the stress with your coffee and soul searching may be the best...outside .... away from the noise...If your husband always watched tv before you married him...it will most likely not change...you can change how you handle his behavior, but you can’t change him...Hang in there...Gotcha in my Thoughts ~ Colleen 187 DOF 

maryfreecig
Member

     Nope cancels all excuses. Only time and willingness to change my thinking has made aggravation easier to deal with. I blew a few gaskets along my smober path, but no smoking was embedded in my psyche --cemented there almost from the start. On occasion, if I was beside myself, I'd say something like no smoking today, maybe someday, but not today. I also cut a deal with myself that I could smoke (seems contrary to NOPE) that I could smoke once I was 100% beyond the addiction. Actually, I meant that I could choose to smoke once I was free. 

    Halt--hungry, angry, lonely, tired. 

TriGirl
Member

I just got what smober is! Haha!