Hi Kids!!! This is Michael, (Mavihoja) and I just feel like reaching out. I probably should put this in BLOG format, but I just really need to get out there and share my plight right now. First, I have been trying to use the Become An Ex site, group, methodology, whatever it is that I have become so reliant upon to finalize my having become a forever NON-SMOKER...EX ADDICT, what ever that is. There is something so deep within me that tells me frequently how important this is right at this point in my life. It truly has become life or death patterns in my thinking, acting, believing, etc..
So, here it is. I have not smoked a cigarette for 23 days. My starting line happened at 8:15 A.M. on Thursday morning, a little over 3 weeks ago. I am smoke free, but not nicotine free which makes me feel like I am a liar, cheating the path that so many of you have figured out. Being smoke free is one thing, being smoke free and nicotine free is another, obviously much better, and final. So, the position I am in mentally and emotionally is still in the almost good enough psychological head position. This is exactly one of the things that have plagued me for a long, long, time. It feels like no matter what I do, there is always a way for me to fell "not quite good enough". and that, my dear friends is what makes me CRAZY!
I am well aware that this syndrome isn't new to any of us. But, the absolutely worst thing I could do now is to fold and decide to give into the monster's little voice.
Really, it doesn't matter that my wife still smokes (much less than she did). It doesn't matter that one can grab one of her cigarettes and sneak out to the garage and light it up. It doesn't matter that one can go to the nearest convenience store and buy a pack, light up the first one, suck in the FIRST PUFF. What matters is recreating one's lifestyle mentality to the point where one become impervious to all of these options. I have become a NON-SMOKER, and there isn't a person, place, or thing that can take that away from me RIGHT NOW. How about that for self talk???
I always say, " I love you guys" and blessings to you all, because you have helped me save my life. God is always active in this transition, and I know it. So, thank you God, my dearest of life saving confidants, and anything that leads me or keeps me on this path to FREEDOM from SLAVERY and the death producing results from smoking cigarettes.
Blessings, and I love you all for loving me enough to care.
(Mavihoja) can I just drop the Mavihoja now, and be who I am, which is Michael Douglas Beatty, of Fountain Hills, Arizona? If you want to know the story of how I was to become Mavihoja, I will be glad to entertain you with it!