Help, I started smoking again yesterday, I am so stressed out. I was smoke free since Feb 6 2019. I feel awful, terrible and disgusted with myself!
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Help, I started smoking again yesterday, I am so stressed out. I was smoke free since Feb 6 2019. I feel awful, terrible and disgusted with myself!
Don't feel bad about yourself. This is an addiction and not easy to overcome. Most of us have attempted numerous times along the way. Get right back on track--don't wait too long to pick a new quit day. You quit for three months, so that's actually something to be proud of. You would have been in No Man's Land, which can be a difficult time and the need to stay vigilant is key. Did you do all the preparation? Go back and revisit all of that the information, the triggers, etc. Staying close to the Ex really helps. Reaching out when the urge happens makes a big difference.
Barb
Thank you, I will try to get back on track
On Wed, May 22, 2019, 9:41 AM Barbscloud <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
Start over, I don' t see much activity for you here. Quitting is the easy part, staying quit takes work. Reflect on what caused the relapse and commit to NOPE no matter what. It is important to Stay connected Please come for support before you smoke or when you are having difficulty. We can better help you then and you will not have to start over again.
Thank you Jackie 125 15 for taking the time to write me.
On Wed, May 22, 2019, 10:01 AM JACKIE1-25-15 <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
Don’t feel bad...although I know it is hard not to beat yourself up...it won’t help you...what will help you ? Getting back in the Journey...~ Colleen 170 DOF
Thank you Colleen for taking the time to write me. I will get back on
track! If you pray please say a prayer for me I've got to find a place to
live as soon as possible and I must not smoke over this or anything, no
matter what!
On Wed, May 22, 2019, 10:22 AM sweetplt <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
You got it...sending 14Djsquitwon a prayer out right now...for you to quit again and to find a place to live...please come here and vent ... we are here for YOU...
Praying that Djs needs be supplied without having to smoke, in the name of Jesus, Amen.. .
Why?
I mean REALLY, Why?
Stopping again is great, but if you don't know why, really why you started again, how will you avoid it again?
And when you find the answer to why, digg deeper. There are always more complicated and more painful reasons buried deeper.
To me the word is What! Why" can go on in redundant ways for me. So I say to Kim What makes/made me do it.
My experiences.
Hugs.
Good point. Therapist always says the same!
Well, the way to start feeling wonderful again, is to get that quit back. I gave up several quits at the three month mark. It's a dangerous period. Once I finally figured that out, I stopped relapsing at that period. And once I figured out that I can't just have "one," I found freedom.
If you started smoking again yesterday, you have the power to stop smoking again today. And the sooner you right the ship back on course, the better. It's real easy to just put off the next quit date until next week, and then some other "life happening" thing appears, and then it's the week after and then you find yourself five years down the road and you've smoked another 10,000 cigarettes and .....
Check out some of the material in Relapse Prevention or put in @relapse_trap and see what pops up. You have to stay very "pro-active" the first year of your quit. Come on now, you can get this back.
Thank you very much, you are so right
I would recommend you HONESTLY answer the question: How did smoking make your stress any better for longer than it took to smoke that first cigarette? I will answer for you - it only makes your sensors stop jonesing for a fix for a few minutes, and then they started right back in on you for their next, and the next and............
Beating yourself up has no purpose. Making a plan for what you will do NEXT time you quit and are stressed DOES. Will you go for a brisk walk, come here and ask for help, or call a friend? Make that plan before you quit - and I hope you will do it soon!
Nancy
Oh yeah, I am struggling with the will to live. I know the issue goes a lot
deeper. I think I don't want to talk anymore right now. Thanks
On Wed, May 22, 2019, 2:09 PM Youngatheart.7.4.12 <
CONGRATS ON DAY ONE! Yahoooooooooo WAY TO GO!
Thanks for kindness!
...Who is Mark Correct?
Please get some assistance if needed. We'll be here waiting when your ready for your quit.
Barb
Do you mean Mark, our site Moderator ?
Well I just mean that I see Mark Correct on the messages, don't know what
for
On Wed, May 22, 2019, 3:19 PM sweetplt <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
Might be that you started this post, as a question, and it is asking you to Mark Correct...that you received an answer from your question ...
Perfect, I'm glad I asked. Thanks
On Wed, May 22, 2019, 3:31 PM sweetplt <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
I quit many times too. One time for ten years. Then a really big major stressor got the best of me. That was 7 years ago. Now I’m doing my quit for life. You can too if you do what everyone here has done. It really works. I figured out that I was letting the smokes control me. I then knew I had the willpower deep inside me to say nope. Not anymore! I still get triggers as you did and I find something to occupy my time to think and focus on something else. Remember your mind can only focus on one thing at a time. And your worth it! Tanuaj
Thank you so much for writing I really appreciate this website even though I hardly know how to use it properly. I am old school and computer stuff doesn't come easy for me, soooo Mani options! Well anyway I appreciate everyone who is supportive and kind and an ex-smoker! Sometimes all the community support feels kind of overwhelming cuz I don't know who to talk to next. But it is just awesome and wonderful. Thank you very much Sincerely, Cindy
Cindy, to elaborate on Sweetplt's answer - "Mark Correct" is simply an option when you put out a blog/conversation as a question and get a response that you feel answers your question the best. For example if someone asked "How does nicotine affect the brain?" and there were a whole bunch of people who responded, you could select the one that you felt was the most appropriate, or was the most thorough or accurate. (Mark happens to be our Company Manager - so that could be a little confusing.)
I don't know if you do any meditation, or have any techniques to relieve stress, but slow deep breaths can help a lot. We tend to get so caught up emotionally in stuff that it's hard to take the necessary step back, to view it from a different perspective. Humor can help give us a different perspective to.
Try breathing along with this, maybe it will help....
Don't you worry about who to talk to next. We're all on the same team and you can respond "at large" to us.
Please know that you are not alone and that losing a quit is certainly not worth beating yourself up. I hate that you feel you are struggling with the will to live and I really hope that you can get some effective help. Quitting is a one day at a time journey and there are always going to be good days and bad days whether we are quit or not. PLEASE take care of yourself and reach out, don't kick yourself while you are down.
Ellen
Thanks
How are you doing NOW? Better, I hope. Try to figure out what went wrong so you can be prepared. I lost more than one quit because it was my response to anger. Once I identified my triggers and also my expectations from smoking...it became easier to quit and STAY that way. I know smoking did nothing FOR me but it sure did do a lot of damage TO me. It stuffed my feelings down and I really did have to learn to deal with them without smoking...you can do this and you are NOT alone.
Ellen
I used to do that too Ellen. So instead of getting angry and smoking to calm me down. I told that person exactly what I felt. Boy did it feel good. Just thought I’d share. I hope it will help others too.
Sent from my iPhone
Hi Ellen thank you so much. I have been around so many smokers the last
month because I moved into a sober living environment...lol well that is
what happened I have been around so many smokers. I'm not blaming them I
got stressed out with living with so many young ladies and I'm a old lady.
They are having men come spend the night right and left. I am the 7th lady
in this house. And I am sharing a room with a lady that watches the most
horrible TV. I don't usually care for TV much anyway but I agreed to room
with her knowing that she has to have the TV on in order to sleep. So I
have woken up at 6:30 a.m. a few times to Jerry Springer which is my least
favorite show on TV. I love this person and care for her very much. I know
that she is hurting. I really thought the earplugs would work and they
really do help. I was homeless and a non-smoker or two and a half months.
Now that it is getting hot weather I desperately needed a safe place to
live. I am also alcoholic trying to stay sober. I did stay sober the two
and a half months I was homeless and I was sleeping in my car in the
Walmart parking lot. Not fun for an old lady with degenerative disc
disease. I have terrible back pain into my legs. So I am now a nonsmoker
again. Thank you for your encouragement it always means a lot to me!!
So do YOU get to watch any of your TV choices? I hope so! There should be equal time in the viewing, right?! Your channel, my channel. Share and share alike! But if she needs the TV to fall asleep and she's asleep - turn it off or change the channel, no?
You're fighting two addictions at the same time. I admire that. It means you have double the strength most of us do.
And you're not OLD. Well, your body may be old (like mine is) but age is really a matter of our mindset. I figure I'm old, yes, in many of my "takes" on life, but I also know that that "oldness" contains the wisdom of my experience on this planet. My perceptions come from YEARS of living and experiencing, thinking about, changing that thinking, remaining open minded, morphing into the 'becoming' spirit that I am. Until I move on to the next stage of whatever reality there is after death.
You're only OLD if you think you are. So don't think that. Accept the truth of aging physically, but retain the youth of your mind. THAT's what make life worth living.
(So easy to give good advice, so hard to take it for ourselves.)
Very nice to hear from you. Yep, I tried turning the TV down and then she
woke up. She told me that if I turn it down it wakes her up. What's kind of
strange is that someone called me once on the phone and I'm talking then
she wakes up fussing about it, so I just don't understand. But I don't have
to. She's probably full of baloney. I do like your idea of me trying to
share TV time at least I could choose some of what is coming across the
television. But the real truth is I don't care to watch it, I don't like
various commercials repeatedly infiltrating my mind either.. I guess I
don't want to take issue with it because this roomy of mine is very
sensitive and kind of scary as well. I don't see myself living here for
very long, but it is still better than my car! I'm looking to find a place
for myself that will be my safe haven, and I will be able to have my little
dog Panda. My dear son has been taking care of Panda for me for the last
seven or eight months until I can get on my feet. I think things are going
to work out for me the way they're supposed to... God is so good and he has
brought me this far and I know that he will not leave me. Hey thanks for
letting me share. It is very therapeutic, isn't it? Love, Cindy
Sorry to hear about your situation and hope you're able to find your own place soon. It must be awful being separate from your dog, Panda. I think at times we give the same "advice" without knowing the challenges someone is experiencing their life. Thanks for sharing your story. You need to be commended for even trying to quit smoking right now. If you need assistance, please reach out. We're here to support you.
Barb
Old Barb you are being a real sweetheart darling! What I mean to say is
thank you very much. I'm just trying to do what I think God wants me to do.
And I do believe, I don't always feel it, but I do believe that God will
give us strength and help to do anything he asks us to do. He may not give
us strength to do what he didn't ask us to do. So I'm in a safe zone to do
this thing. I guess I just broke down when I spent too much time around my
smoking "sober" people. Then I just kind of freaked out from overload. (I
took my eyes off Jesus and I began to sink) Thanks again my dear love!! I
hope I will get better at navigating this website. I have learned so much
about the computer stuff, but there is so much more to learn!!
On Sat, Jun 1, 2019, 8:16 AM Barbscloud <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
I have got to remember to check my text before I send it!! LOL I did not
mean to say old Barb - I meant to say, Oh Barb!
On Sat, Jun 1, 2019, 9:13 AM Barbscloud <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
I didn't even notice it, but I am old!
Well I was taught in CNA school that you are not technically old until you are over 85. Are you over 85?
I am not over 85 but I consider myself to be old at 69, guess it all depends upon how you feel. I, too, have degenerative disc disease and the pain is horrendous, it has left me with a scoliosis that curves my spine and rotates it inward so my ribcage is not supported. I have chronic pain from RA and I have COPD that required the surgical removal of the upper lobes of both of my lungs. Sleeping in a car would absolutely not happen...no matter what the weather. Watching Jerry Springer might make my head explode, I really hope that you get into some sort of better housing situation soon and that you can be reunited with Panda. I have never found any earplugs that do much more than hurt my ears.
You can do this, you certainly have a lot on your plate but you CAN do it! We are all here whenever you want to vent.
Ellen
Hello Ellen, thank you so much for writing to me. I sure enjoyed reading
your letter. I am doing very well today. I had a wonderful time with
friends. I wrote a long letter to Nancy. It seems so nice to have friends
even though I don't get to see y'all. I just wanted to tell you that I care
very much about you. I will be praying for God's blessings especially
healing for your body. The pain is very difficult to endure, as you said in
so many words. My heart goes out to you. Someday we won't be struggling in
this crazy old world. I will think of you Ellen and I will pray. God has
answered my prayers so much lately. Maybe it is because I started praying!
There is definitely a purpose for all this craziness in the world. I'm
going to sign off for now and try to get some rest. It's been a great day.
May God's peace and joy rest upon you tonight as you sleep and I pray that
you will wake up refreshed. and I pray that you will have much better days
as God helps you with your pain.It is a wonderful world when we cast our
cares upon the Lord. And when we know that God cares and that he has a
purpose for all things. Good night Ellen and thanks again for writing!
Sincerely, Cindy
No, I'm not 85. I going to go with your guidelines for determining old age.
Barb
LOL right! Hey my mom just got old she is now 85, but she will not let you
call her old!! She is such a funny sweetie pie!
On Sun, Jun 2, 2019, 9:04 AM Barbscloud <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
Yup, sharing is definitely therapeutic. I hope an opportunity opens up for you to have a better living situation. At least you know your Panda is being taken care of.
Hello Giulia, what a pretty name. Thank you for writing to me. I know that
things are going to work out as they are supposed to. I have learned
wonderful things through these trials. And I feel that I am a better person
having gone through these struggles. I wrote a pretty long letter to Nancy
and Ellen. I feel like I have wonderful new friends even though I don't get
to see you all. Thank you for being kind and caring. That is a delightful
way to live and treat other people. We are all in this world together, and
we are here to help each other. It saddens me when I see and hear people
hurting each other. But God is good and we will not struggle forever. Good
things are happening and I hope that you are blessed extra special! Thanks
again for taking the time to write to me! Sincerely, Cindy
Have you tried the silicone ear plugs that conform to your outer ear? I use them when I swim and they keep water out, and I have trouble hearing people speak if I forget to take them out. Might be worth a try.
Jerry Springer might cause me to commit TV- acide! I think you might suggest a compromise in regards to what is on. If you have to leave it on, I think each person should get to choose half of the programming.
I hope your living situation improves. Where you are sounds just ghastly.
Sending a gentle hug your way (((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))).
Nancy
Hi Nancy it sure was nice to hear from you today. I did have a very good
day today. I went to church for their Hope for humanity day and a good
friend went with me and then after that we went to Dan Nicholas Park. It
was the first time I ever have gone to that park. It was wonderful, big
lake with ducks and geese and paddle boats and lots of families and
children picnic tables and shelters and all kinds of fun. I am not going to
worry about the living situation I just know something good is going to
happen soon. I really miss my little dog but I will get her back soon no
doubt,but until then I know that she is in very good hands. I am full of
Hope peace and tranquility. I have learned how to draw from God's love and
strength through prayer and meditation. Meditating on the word of God for
the most part. I just don't have it on my own. But I sure do have it when I
ask him! He is so awesome. I will tell you a secret. Lol! I think I'm going
to buy a small house. I found one right around the corner two bedroom one
bath, and I like it very much. It's a hundred and twenty years old LOL. So
I think I will feel at home hahaha no really I'm only 59. I believe God
will give me a lot of good years. I think when my dad died a part of me
died too. But now I am learning a new life in Christ. From time to time I
can hit some pretty low lows but for the most part I've never been happier
especially since I quit smoking and doing those self-destructive things,
depending on the wrong people. now my mind is clear and God has been
gracious to me and given me wisdom about handling this life. It can get
tedious. I hope and pray that you will be blessed and that you will have
the best that God has to offer. I believe I will sign off for now, you have
a good night, thanks again for being compassionate and kind. I really enjoy
it when people do that. I think God does too
On Sat, Jun 1, 2019, 9:48 PM Youngatheart.7.4.12 <
It's the trials that teach us strength and greater understanding. Not fun, but they do, I think, make us better people. If we want to be. Otherwise they just make us mean and resentful. And that's no fun! lol (Mmmm, thanks for thinking my name is pretty - made me feel good.)
Wondering how your night went last night and how you are this morning. Jerry Springer CAN'T be on TV on the weekends, is he?
Hello how are you I'm doing great no I don't know if he's on the weekends I
haven't really paid attention. I am looking for a place even as we speak!
On Sun, Jun 2, 2019, 10:09 AM Youngatheart.7.4.12 <
Hope that works out for you. I can't be easy living with strangers.
My heart goes out to you, Cindy. You sound really strong, I have to admit that I laughed out loud when I read your response about God answering your prayers lately..."maybe it's because I started praying." I would not get through a day without prayer...I will keep you in my prayers too. I really HOPE that you were able to get some sleep last night, I also hope Jerry Springer was off for the weekend. I honestly cannot imagine listening to that when I am trying to sleep...all of that chaos entering the subconscious mind...it might be better than having it enter the CONSCIOUS mind now that I think about it.
You really have a good attitude, Cindy, that will take you far. Keep us posted on the hunt for a place.
Ellen
Well, the way to start feeling wonderful again, is to get that quit back. I gave up several quits at the three month mark. It's a dangerous period. Once I finally figured that out, I stopped relapsing at that period. And once I figured out that I can't just have "one," I found freedom.
If you started smoking again yesterday, you have the power to stop smoking again today. And the sooner you right the ship back on course, the better. It's real easy to just put off the next quit date until next week, and then some other "life happening" thing appears, and then it's the week after and then you find yourself five years down the road and you've smoked another 10,000 cigarettes and .....
Check out some of the material in Relapse Prevention or put in @relapse_trap and see what pops up. You have to stay very "pro-active" the first year of your quit. Come on now, you can get this back.