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Give and get support around quitting

ltbrown022
Member

51 Days. Still Sad. Is this normal?

Hi Everyone,

I quit smoking 51 days ago and I haven't had one puff since. While I am extremely proud of myself, I am still having a very hard time. I have read a lot on here and have found it a great comfort, but I haven't joined or posted yet. I figured I would give it a shot, so here we go. Any words of wisdom or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

The biggest issue I have faced so far is the sadness/depression/anxiety. The urge to actually smoke a cigarette has dissipated, however I feel emotionally such a wreck that I keep thinking if I had a cigarette, maybe I would feel better. I know this is a journey, but with each day all I wish is that I will feel normal again. I just want to feel even keeled again.

The first month of no smoking was filled with overwhelming sadness. I was just crying at the drop of a hat. The littlest thing would set me off and I simply could not control the tears. This past month has brought about more of a blah and yuck feeling. More controlled sadness, but still sadness none the less. I wouldn't have considered myself a depressed person in the past, but now, since quitting, I would.

There is one other major issue going on in my life that occurred exactly at the same time as I quit. Absolutely not on purpose, but still these two major life changes happened to coincide. My best friend AND boss started spending a lot of time and paying a lot of attention to someone else. Someone else younger she can mentor and teach. Something she has a passion for and did with me so many years ago. While I have fully grown and moved on, I have spent so much time being her little pet and student that I have now become super jealous of this new person "taking my place." While I have spoked with my friend about this, and she has promised we will always be best friends, I still can't help but feeling jealous and anxious and uncomfortable with this change. Also, we all work together, hence the friend and boss thing, so distance is not possible. It's constantly in my face forcing me to deal with it. I do know this is something that would bother me regardless of my current smoke free emotional state, however I really can't tell if it would be as intense otherwise. I would like to think it wouldn't be, or else I am truly becoming a crazy person. 

So my question for all of you is I guess, is all of this something related to quitting smoking or something more? Is this something I need to seek help for? Will this go away with time? What are other's time frames on feeling more balanced emotionally after quitting?

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29 Replies
indingrl
Member

CONGRATS on 51 non smoker days and the saddness - it was SUGGESTED I write a goodbye letter to MY lover and best friend NICOTINE- it sounds silly - it worked - it is  like getting divorced- that's how it was explained to ME- gentle hug.

0 Kudos
Alicatsam
Member

At first, I thought you were talking about a clinical depression like I have, but this sounds like a reaction to a specific situation. There is no way to tell how much of your emotions are tied to quitting unless you have faced a similar situation before you quit. It sounds like the kind of thing I would just ride out until the intensity of the feelings dissipate. But if you have been really depressed for 51 days or so, I'd seriously consider talking to a therapist, especially if the feelings get worse.

I have never heard of nicotine cheering anyone up. It might give you a small distraction for a few minutes, but in my experience, if something is bothering me, I am still worrying over it while I'm smoking, so it does not help at all.

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Tabbiekat
Member

Congrats on 51 days. I loved indingrl's suggestion for writing a goodbye letter. I personally did not write a letter, but I did have good "self talk" goodbye conversation and allowed myself to also grieve the loss of Nic  For me, yes the sadness was real. I initially quit 2 yrs ago October and did so with the aid of Chantix for a couple months, then a month or so later after stopping Chantix the sadness/anxiety/ anger hit hard and I started taking Prozac. It helped me a lot, so please don't hesitate to reach out to your doctor regarding this.

As far as your best friend/boss..been in similar situations, feel free to message me if you want more information, but in general, yes that too is a loss, but your not being replaced, you are just being released to find your own "pet" to pass on the teaching you have received. As your best friend she will be the one that will catch you if you fall backwards, but she is truly doing you a favor by letting you go, it just takes time to realize the full impact of that.

Hold tight to your quit

Tabbie

8 DOF

DonnaMarie
Member

Hi there,

Glad to see you posted.

Your sadness is real. You've given up something that was a part of your life for probably a long time, many times a day. And now, it's gone. You're resetting your everything in life - your body, your mind, your everything - and that's a big deal.

It does pass, though, as do the other difficult parts of quitting. If you find that you're having an extremely difficult time, you can reach out to a counselor or your doctor.

Keep up the quit!

Donna

Day 150

ltbrown022
Member

I appreciate you all so much! Thank you for taking the time to respond. It really is amazing how much your words help. I am trying to be strong. One day at a time. I know I can overcome all of this and this awful sadness. This is all so so so hard. Much harder than I expected it to be. 

Just a a little background if anyone is interested. I’m a 31 year old woman. I’ve smoked just a little under a pack a day for the past 10 years. I’ve never attempted to quit before. This is my first time trying. I used Nicorette for the first month. Now nothing. I had been thinking about quitting for a while and then my dad had a heart attack. He is ok now. He’s doing great thank god. He was not a smoker, but the whole ordeal really scared me. My mom and sister begged me to quit many times while we were at the hospital during those awful days. I said I would. And I did. 

Thank you so much again everyone and please keep commenting. It is helping me tremendously.

Andstillirise
Member

I’m 33 days out and wrote here about being very sad and feeling lost . 

As others have said , you’ve been smoking for a decade . Smoking was like your friend who was with you during good times , bad times and lots of life events . It’s totally normal to be sad . And anxious . 

I struggle with anxiety , especially at night . It gets better . It just will take time . 

As for iour friend I don’t have any suggestions just that I’m sorry . That hurts . 

Youre doing so great ! Keep it up !!!!!

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Gma_Bernie
Member

Hi, Bernie here. Yes, the sadness is absolutely normal. I'm coming up on 18 months and though I no longer feel like smoking, I don't feel good for much else either. It's like the smoking ravaged my body and nerves so badly, I can't do the things I used to. So it's s process of finding things you CAN do. Forming a whole new you. Which isn't easy to do. But stay in there! You WILL love not being a smoker. And then you will have more energy to deal with other concerns.

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Barbara145
Member

So glad you reached out.  It is necessary for a successful quit. When we smoke we do not grow emotionally.  I think that is part of why you are having such an issue with the losing a friend deal.  It takes a long time to get over quitting smoking and "grow up."  If we don't smoke it is happening slowly but surely. Take very good care of yourself.  Congratulations on quitting smoking.  I believe you are right where you are suppose to be.  When I quit 5 1/2 years ago, I felt loss for a long time.  At one year I went to see an addiction specialist.  She said to me, "It has only been one year."  That was an eye opener for me.  I smoked for a really long time.  Getting over it is a process. I am almost always grateful and happy.  I know my life and well being are greatly enhanced by quitting smoking.   I have No desire to smoke.  Let yourself feel the sadness and every other emotion that you have stuffed.  You are just having growing pains.  You really are doing a great job.

IrishRose
Member

Our brains are so very powerful.  I do not know how long you smoked for, but the longer it was, the more creative you must become with combating the dependency of the addiction.  You are now like a butterfly, you are free.  With that said, take a hard look at yourself and your prior life.  Is there anything that you always wanted to do, get into, but did not do?  Now is the time to do it!  This is a time for you to blossom, to think outside the box of your confides that you felt safe when you smoked cancer sticks.  

So glad you came here and blogged about your feelings.  That is the beginning of your healing process.  I hope you remain here now and share things with us.  Your sharing could be someone else's lifeline too.  

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Big ((((((hug)))))) for you!   

Irish Rose