Take 20...

[NicMensinga]

Hi everyone.. Just wanted to share my smoking story. I started 25 odd years ago at the age of 16. Both my parents smoked. In the house, car etc so it was just part of life I thought. I first wanted to quit when I was about 28. It was hard when I was in my 20's as I drank alcohol/partied quite regularly and it just came with the territory. I think my first stint of quitting was at the age of about 32. That lasted for 2 or so years.. Every time I had major stress or trauma, I would start again. Or too many drinks & I would suddenly be having 'just one'. Soon I was back on the smokes daily. 

I have lost count of how many times I have tried to quit. Cold turkey, patches, hypnosis...

I recently lost the love of my life in a tragic motorbike accident. He was only 39.. It was also I crime as a driver had run him down. Before the accident I was only smoking here and there with a drink as my partner was good at the social smoking thing. He would just hide them when we had finished a few drinks. After he passed, I started up again daily. It's been 8 months now & I have had a week or two here and there where I have worn a nicotine patch and not smoked. I desperately want to stop as it's only making me feel more anxious and depressed. I am constantly told by friends, therapists etc to keep smoking but I am so over it controlling me yet again.

So I had my last smoke this morning and have put a patch on again. Feeling much better already and have had more energy today!!

Has anyone here quit whilst going through major trauma? I figure there's always going to be stress in our lives and if I can do it now, I can do it anytime. 

Thanks for listening

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to our community!

 I am so sorry for your loss and the grief you are experiencing.  You have my deepest sympathy.

 I think now might be a perfect time to quit after a huge part of your life has been changed by forces beyond your control.  A quit is something you CAN control.  It might be helpful in giving you something over which you do have a measure of control.  The reason we smoked when we were stressed or emotional was to hide from it all behind that cloud.  Learning to deal with your grief now might be a good beginning on the journey to healing from it.

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it online or at your local library. If you do nothing else to get ready for your quit, please do give this a read.

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

 Nancy

[NicMensinga]

Thanks so much Nancy. I have read the book & it still helps me remember to think of the little nicotine monster controlling my thoughts. I have had such terrible anxiety and depression since losing my partner and all the stress that comes after it. Dramas with money/family etc.. it's still ongoing. Some days I don't care about smoking as it does seem to numb the intense feelings. But then I have days when I am so sick of it controlling me and the exhaustion it brings that I know I must change.. thanks again

[Barbscloud]

Welcome to the Ex.  Congratulations on your decision to quit and your first day smoke free.   I'm so sorry for your tragic loss.   Loosing a spouses turns your whole world upside down.  This is a great time to do something for yourself like giving up smoking.   Focusing on something healthy now is beneficial for you.  If you need assistance, reach out.  We're here for you and want you to succeed.

Barb

[NicMensinga]

Thank you Barb

[Chuck-2-20-2011]

Glad you're here! Many here have quit more than once before it finally stuck, myself included. The difference for me this time was understanding my addiction and using that knowledge to generate as comfortable of a quit as I could. I'd like to say I remained smoke free after a loss but unfortunately I didn't. I restarted from my longest quit (which was only a year) after the death of my partner.

 It took several years after that to get on track but eventually I found the desire and belief that I could quit if I truly wanted to change my future. How hard or easy a quit is depends a lot on our perspective when we do quit. We can believe that the quit is a monumental horror or that it's the positive thing that it actually is.

 As you already know after two years of past freedom, the feelings are incredible! I've found that at times we tend to ignore the positive aspects of what we're doing and embrace the negative but even then over time we change that perspective. Sorry for rambling. I really just wanted to say welcome to the site.

I look forward to hearing of your continued success!!

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck

[NicMensinga]

Thanks Chuck! I am sorry for your loss too... I know how good it feels to not have nicotine control me & I want to be there again. I want a happy & healthy future, not one where I feel bad about myself and smell disgusting!!

[AnnetteMM]

I quit a couple years after I lost my husband to cancer.

It is doable.

Listen to your own heart.

[NicMensinga]

Thanks Annette. I am sorry for your loss.. Thanks for the comment

[sweetplt]

Hi and Welcome to Ex’s and I am so sorry about your tragic loss...that is awful...please accept my condolences on your loss.  

You are one of the first people who spoke about smoking causing you to be depressed and anxious...This is my 3rd and last quit...but when I picked up smoking after the 2nd quit I smoked a few times a week and found the next day I would be anxious, depressed and crabby...I really didn’t like me the day after smoking anymore...and was so tired of it...Thank you for sharing this feeling because I never saw anyone else on this site say the same.  Anyways, I think it is great that you are quitting...do yourself a favor and read at My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX to learn more about the quit ... stay close to here for support...we are all in this journey together...be well...Gotcha in my thoughts ~ Colleen 153 DOF