My goodness, Evon, you certainly do have some special challenges to deal with, don't you? I would be up crying all night if I were to gain a lot of weight, and would probably go back to smoking if I went beyond an emotionally acceptable image of myself in the mirror, as well. In fact, the last time I embarked on this mission - 3 years ago - I had not smoked for 41 days. But when I could no longer force my largest pair of jeans beyond my thighs, I freaked out, stomped on and kicked my too small wardrobe about, then ran to the nearest store and and started back up.
I hope that nobody has, or will, minimize your thoughts and feelings, or given you any harsh advice, such as "shit or get off the pot." May I ask how long ago you started the Chantix program? I noticed that my waistline bloated up almost immediately, and jowels formed along my jawline. I too cannot do any strenuous exercizing, jogging or power walking, because I have COPD. But I do walk early every morning for at least one hour - at a steady and comfortable pace - and I have noticed that my waistline is beginning to return to me, as well as developing firmer thighs and calves. Scales make me too neurotic, so I never weigh myself; just go by how my clothing fits. And I also do not deprive myself of any of the foods I enjoy. If I want dessert, I merely have it for dinner, instead of a more conventional meal. That seems to eliminate binge eating, and makes carrot sticks and other healthful foods more pleasurable.
You are not a failure, and I wish I could somehow convince you not to be disgusted with yourself. Our thoughts and feelings really do lie to us when we are depressed, and I hope with all my heart that you can convince yourself to not give in and listen to them. I wish you the best of luck .
Joyce
