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Closet smoker - new here!

Question asked by Auschl77 on Mar 12, 2019
Latest reply on Mar 15, 2019 by Auschl77

Hello!  I am new on this site and having a little bit of a tough time navigating it.  There's so many people on here!  Under groups it looks like many have not been active for years.  How do I join a recent, active group?  Like most of you, I've quit many, many, many times.  It's almost a weekly thing for me.  I am to the point that I am so PISSED and fed up with myself, something has to give.  I HATE smoking.  It is by far the #1 thing that just kills my self esteem.  I have a 9 year old daughter who is on to my closet smoking.  Why do I go outside for so long taking out the trash?  I'm out there a lot longer than it takes to throw a trash bag in the trash!  I know she smells it.  I also have an 11 year old son who has confronted me, and I just lie.  Ugh... sucks.  My biggest regret in my entire life is the first cigarette I picked up.  I have a few good friends and a sister who knows I smoke (one friend and a sister who will smoke with me!), but other than that I hide it 100%.  I have found myself not going places I've been invited to with my nonsmoking friends b/c I just want to stay home and smoke.  I have quit before, up to 3 years one time.  It's stress, boredom, a learned behavior over many years.  Why in my head do I see myself different but I can't stick to my decision to get there?  


Looking forward to meeting some folks in the same boat.  Please let me know you're out there!!!