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Closet smoker - new here!

Question asked by Auschl77 on Mar 12, 2019
Latest reply on Mar 15, 2019 by Auschl77

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Hello! I am new on this site and having a little bit of a tough time navigating it. There's so many people on here! Under groups it looks like many have not been active for years. How do I join a recent, active group? Like most of you, I've quit many, many, many times. It's almost a weekly thing for me. I am to the point that I am so PISSED and fed up with myself, something has to give. I HATE smoking. It is by far the #1 thing that just kills my self esteem. I have a 9 year old daughter who is on to my closet smoking. Why do I go outside for so long taking out the trash? I'm out there a lot longer than it takes to throw a trash bag in the trash! I know she smells it. I also have an 11 year old son who has confronted me, and I just lie. Ugh... sucks. My biggest regret in my entire life is the first cigarette I picked up. I have a few good friends and a sister who knows I smoke (one friend and a sister who will smoke with me!), but other than that I hide it 100%. I have found myself not going places I've been invited to with my nonsmoking friends b/c I just want to stay home and smoke. I have quit before, up to 3 years one time. It's stress, boredom, a learned behavior over many years. Why in my head do I see myself different but I can't stick to my decision to get there?

Looking forward to meeting some folks in the same boat. Please let me know you're out there!!!

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anaussiemom Mar 12, 2019 2:42 PM
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This is a good place to start and learn. You are in good hands, here at EX. Does not matter where you post at this time until you get the hang of it. Great place to start!! Kudos for your courage, and reaching out, First wonderful step Auschl77

There will be lots of links and info from many all at once perhaps. Digest it in your own pace. Knowledge is important as well as good support. There are lots of new non smokers, and lots of Senior quitters. Who are more than happy to help you navigate as well as Mark Ex.

Joining a new site, can be overwhelming, but that will pass in just a few days I promise.

Hugs Kim
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VAPEASDEADLY Mar 12, 2019 3:05 PM
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Welcome, I am a retread several times from nic . the closet crap was my thing as well for the last several iterations of nicotine. I came clean with family. had a lot fear and anxiety (surrounding something i had no control of, that is, "how they'd react." a, if they busted me, or B. if i came clean. ) I am a 60 year and felt like that 14 yr old kid picking up marlboro for the 1st time. Like you I beat myself about it. still act like a wounded child. Shame, guilt, remorse, i think can be triggers as well.
FWIW, I've, been off cigs..

Asking "WHY can't i" question ? Man, o' man that is the million dollar question. the retread crap is the addiction itself.
I am 32 year sober from booze. People at the time said don't even try quit. I quit cigs in 90 was off for 10 years, and then during a divorce i did the addict move and jumped thinking little A&C cigarillo wasn't that big a deal, Right? off and on again since 2002, 5+days off vaping 24mg/day habir.

Nicotine for me in ANY form is the same, NRT's (containing nicotine), Vapes, Cigarillos played the gambit. Most recently 4 yrs of Vaping.

Do the plan, think about all you mentioned.

I too want to see my self as an "EX", don't sit and stew about "what has been" too much.. right now. Just stay in the QUIT.
I think in the past part of my closet stuff was always just something I thought it only impacted me. Truth be told, it impacts everyone around us, we're just to stuck in the nicotine brain to see it.

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maryfreecig Mar 12, 2019 4:35 PM
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Your best bet (I think) is to remain in the Ex community--conversations, blogs. There are several who smoked in the closet here. I had an episode for a year or two when I was younger and ashamed, too proud to admit I'd gone back to smoking.

Ex is about quitting! And the community is here to help. Keep blogging, learning and making a plan to quit.

Here are a few links to Exer blogs that you might find eye opening.
One of the greatest tools you can use by Jackie
To people who relapse by DonnaMarie

One day at a time, yes you can.
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indingrl.01.06.2011 Mar 12, 2019 4:38 PM
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Welcome and thank you for sharing your NICOTINE addiction story and GOOD JOB loving YOURSELF!
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- Auschl77 @ indingrl.01.06.2011 on Mar 15, 2019 1:26 PM
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  Thank you!! I really appreciate all of your positive feedback and support!!! :-) You are not the only one who says come clean with the kids. I don't know... maybe later or if they ask again? I hate that they will have that memory of me. And I expect them not to do it so if I'm doing it why can't they? I grew up in a house with two parents who smoked, so that's where I get that from. It's hard for a kid to listen and respect what you are saying when the adult themselves is doing it!
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elvan Mar 12, 2019 9:27 PM
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Welcome to EX. Education about this addiction, support from people who know what you are experiencing, and your own commitment are the biggest things to help you with your recovery. Quitting is not an event, it is a journey and we have all been where you are. I cannot possibly tell you how many times I quit in the past, I lost track. I smoked for longer than you have been alive, 47 years, and I did a lot of damage to my lungs...irreparable damage. I remember my kids being 9 and 11 and I remember all of the times I missed with them that I so wish I could get back. They are adults now. I have been quit for over five years thanks to this site and the people on it who gave me the support I needed. I suggest you make a plan, My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX Read blogs, you don't have to be part of a group, you CAN join any group you want but most of us just blog and comment on blogs and seek support from each other. Please read this blog by Youngatheart.7.4.12 For Our New Years' Quitters (and community members, too) and this one by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 What To Expect In The First Four Months Read the book "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking" by Allen Carr, you can probably get it from your local library. You are an addict, my friend, just like the rest of us. I suggest you come clean with your kids, they already know and if they understand that this is an addiction and that recovery is one day at a time, they might very well be able to help you. Don't try to hide your smoking because it's really not possible, nonsmokers can smell smokers and the behavior that we all used to keep our addiction going is not something any of us are proud of. I hated smoking, I hated it so much but I struggled to quit and failed over and over and over again. Addiction is powerful but we are MORE powerful. We will all do anything we can to help you along the way. Navigating the site might be easier if you read a blog by Giulia EX to EX INSTRUCTIONS You can easily click into some seriously helpful blogs at Best of EX

We are here, you are not alone...stay close to the site. I came here every morning and every evening when I started...I still come daily if I can.

Ellen
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lqsi12 Mar 15, 2019 12:08 PM
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Hey Ausch177, I can understand your decision, pain, even the children's recall cause at one time my daughter when she got older asked what I had doing, and she knew. ( I retrospect I should have been honest at the time ) Your definitely in the right place for support education and experience, I don't believe its necessary to join a group. So many with knowledge and experience here, many with long term too. You can read about each person quits and their length of time on their profile. I have found that the navigation is much easier on a computer, but it possible on a decent smart phone. What I found is it's important to become involve and spend time here and learn.
We ARE glad you came ! and look forward to joining us with your quit...... WE WILL SUPPORT U !
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- Mark @ lqsi12 on Mar 15, 2019 12:15 PM
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  lqsi12 wrote:
  
  Hey Ausch177, I can understand your decision, pain, even the children's recall cause at one time my daughter when she got older asked what I had doing, and she knew. ( I retrospect I should have been honest at the time ) Your definitely in the right place for support education and experience, I don't believe its necessary to join a group. So many with knowledge and experience here, many with long term too. You can read about each person quits and their length of time on their profile. I have found that the navigation is much easier on a computer, but it possible on a decent smart phone. What I found is it's important to become involve and spend time here and learn.
  We ARE glad you came ! and look forward to joining us with your quit...... WE WILL SUPPORT U !
  I've highlighted a couple things that made me smile. You've only been here a short while but you've grasped some key things! Thanks for passing that on!
  
  Mark
  EX Community Manager
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  - lqsi12 @ Mark on Mar 15, 2019 12:25 PM
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    Thanks ! at one time at least 8 years ago I belonged to a site in UK that was very similar to this, but alas the man that operated it was older, tried to sell it but no one was interested, so it was shut down. That helped me quit, and stay quit, but when I returned to it one day it was gone, to bad, for I believe had it been still operating I would have stayed a non smoker due to all the nice supporters on there.
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Beck37 Mar 15, 2019 12:23 PM
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You call yourself a “closet” smoker but apparently you’ve come out of the closet as there are a heck of a lot of people that are on to you.

Being successful is all about your attitude. You have truly got to want to quit. A quit is a quit. Life is stressful, boring etc but apparently doable without lighting up as there are literally billions of people all around us that do it every day. Stay out of your head. If you arent thinking about it you won’t want to do it.

Do it for your kids, make them proud. You are amazing!

Beck
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Closet smoker - new here!

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