What advice do you have for couples when one person is ready to quit but the other one isn't? I have asked him to start smoking outside when I quit and he has agreed to that.
How wonderful that he has agreed to smoke outside! He is a keeper! I would also ask him to keep his cigarettes, lighter and astray(s) out of your sight.
There are lots of folks here who had spouses who still smoked when they quit. I hope they will check in! I also know of several times where the smoking spouse quit after the other was successful. I hope for that for you!
No matter what - you CAN quit!
I definitely want to be an example for him
Another thing that will probably affect you big time is the smell on him. Could be a turn off. Depending on how it affects you he might need to wash well after smoking. Then there is the whole kissing thing....
When I quit in 2017 it was after my husband suggested he quit. You can read through my blogs for the full story, but he didn't quit, I did though. Our friend/house mate also smokes. So I was an ex smoker living with two smokers. We had already established no smoking in the house when the three of us moved in 4 yrs ago so that wasn't an issue. My husband still smoked in the truck, but less and less and after a few months he stopped smoking in the truck too. He was respectful and would step away if we were together somewhere outside. He finally quit 8 months after I did, so I was a true inspiration to him, so hopefully yours will follow as well. I did pick the habit back up a few months ago, but quit again almost 3 weeks ago and am now working on getting my housemate to quit too. I knew going into it, removing ash trays, keeping their packs out of my sight was not going to happen, so I just accepted it. I used to keep my pack next to my roommates and so I put a pack of breath mints by his pack and used those as one of my distractions during my early days. Doing it again this go around and so far so good.
My husband never smoked and hated my smoking. I know it must be hard to quit when I spouse smokes, but many have done it on this site...good luck on this matter~ Colleen 96 DOF
I didn't live with another smoker; I was the offender. The fact that he agreed to smoke outside is major. I only smoked outside myself for the last 4 years. I do have visitors that smoke and they smoke outside. It really doesn't bother me. A burning cigarette still smells good, but the smell on someone else does become nasty when you've quit. You'll have to deal with that I guess. But you've already got a plan in place--that's great!
My spouse and i both smoke, but he was the one who would suggest quitting from time to time. Suddenly i did and he told me much later than it freaked him out. He was afraid that i would make him quit too. Of course, we know that nagging will not induce anyone to quit. He did keep smoking in the house right next to me at my insistence. It really did not bother me! It was MY Decision and MY Journey, not his. He was impressed at how easy it seemed and said he would quit before Christmas...a few weeks off. He got the book of Allan Carr's from the library. I read it while he worked. He quit when he finished it, just 2 weeks after i quit. I am happy to say my daughter quit a few days ago too.
We both go outside with our smoking friends at poker, and i have friends to the house and allow them to smoke indoors to their amazement. We quit smoking, not our friends, and i really do not want to be a hypocrite. Hopefully they will quit some day as well, seeing there really is nothing to truly lose. Cigarettes never did do anything for us and i don't miss them one bit .
120 days a happy non-smoker!
Big congrats on 120 days. I agree with you. I'm the one that quit, not anyone else. I don't permit anyone to smoke in my house though, because I quit when I moved into this house 5 years ago. I was tired of how my old house was--the smell, yellow walls, etc.
Thank you all for your experiences. It does help.
Set the example, Show your spouse that quitting smoking is not just a dream but a reality. If you can do it, he will believe that he can also do it. Once believing, he will try. Can any of us not admit that we wanted to quit for many years, we just feared that we could not.
Knowledge is Power. There is Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself!
I'm not sure if you've quit or not, but I followed the advice from others on this site and had a conversation with my partner before I quit. I specifically asked if he would be willing to have the house smoke free. I told him it would actually be healthier for all of us. I also asked if he would hide ashtrays and cigs from my view. He did agree to my surprise. I let him in on the countdown to my quit so he would mentally prepare too. 2 days until I quit......tomorrow is the day, etc..
My primary caution would be that you think about and prepare for what you will do when your partner does smoke. Just knowing that he was going outside to smoke would trigger a craving for me in the beginning. Add something in your quit plan to deal with that. What will you do when your partner smokes? Take a walk? Chew gum? Blow bubbles? Just be prepared and plan for this.
One suggestion I found really helpful was to place a dab of Vicks under your nose when you smell the smoke. It actually works pretty well.
Remember it is YOUR quit. You have to own it and protect it. Quitting with a smoking partner is doable. There are different challenges you face, but don't let your fear of that stop you. And stay close to this site. It will be your guiding light. Trust me on that.
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