The Stress Demon won't Win

[Ralph1955]

  When I say the last two months have been difficult and stressful it's more than that.  The decline of my parents health weighs so heavy on my shoulders.  Dad is in stage 4 dementia and mom never bounced back from a bout with blood clots in her lungs.  Watching them is like watching an ice cube melting away.  Dad is in his own world and at the point where my sister and I cannot reason with him.  He's combative and extremely difficult to deal with and we have to keep our anger under control because this isn't him it's the dementia.  Mom sits around and says she's ready to die and never smiles or laughs any longer.  Our hearts are breaking.

 I went to the doctor for a check up and he was a bit shocked that my blood pressure, which has always been 125/65 is now 175/95 and I may have to go on meds.  My nerves have caused break outs on my arms which look similar to ringworm but it's not; it's a condition that is brought on by nerves.  I'm still working full time and running my business, and in between that tending to my parents.  Now I know what the meaning of the statement, "Stop the world I want to get off" means.  We're tired.

  Thanks for letting me vent and Yes, I'm still a Non Smoker even with all this going on.

Thanks Friends

[Barbscloud]

Ralph, good to vent.  Trying to help our parents when they're declining is certainly a challenge.  Even finding the proper care they need is difficult.  When I was going through that part of my life, I was still a smoker and  working full time, so I know how difficult it could be having quit during that time.   I commend you for your continued commitment to remain smoke free.  Be careful--a friend of mine just had a mild heart attach due to high blood pressure.  She is also under a great deal of stress taking care of her sister with MS who was recently hospitalized.  

[sweetplt]

Hi and I am so sorry about your folks...seems we are all at that age that parents are declining.  My dad too has alzheimer's.  He and mom are in a nursing/residence facility.  It is a wonderful place and they are so good with parents and patients.  Of course, my parents have 4 daughters to tend to many of there needs and grandchildren etc., versus so many that have no one.  I have dealt with this already with my husband's parents, so with mine it was to be expected and a bit easier.  We have to put things in perspective that aging is a part of life and along with death.  It is hard, but like quitting, doable.  

I am concerned about your Bp...I have high Bp, but had with smoking.  It seems many start having it when they quit smoking.  I feel it is because we are processing stress so much differently...I started meditation 4 years ago...and I exercise three times a week.  I found both to help tremendously.  I think you need to find that stress releaser and it no longer is smoking.  I am glad you posted because I think you will help many who are experiencing the same.

Keeping you in my thoughts...and try to take some time out today for YOU...~ Colleen

[YoungAtHeart]

I am so sorry for what your life has dealt you right now.  With it all, though, you somehow need to find some time for Ralph.  Even five minutes with your eyes closed and slow/deep breathing will help.  Be sure to get proper nutrition, and perhaps you might take 15 minutes at work lunchtime to get outside and walk.  It's more important than ever to work on getting that stress under control.  There is a chair yoga sequence on YouTube by Adrienne that only takes about 10 minutes.

You need to take care of you so you can take care of everyone else.   SO proud of you for not using all this as an excuse to smoke.  You KNOW it would just make matters worse - right?!!!

Wishing you some peace.

Nancy

P.S.   Come here anytime to vent.  It sometimes helps just to write it down.  Our door is always open.

[karenjones]

Boy Ralph, you have lots on your plate right now.  You need to look after number 1, which is YOU.  Each and every one of us will walk the road that your parents are walking now.  The best you can do is, do not worry, worrying does nothing except compromise your immune system. Of course be kind to your parents, but you are not God...   The wonderful thing is that YOU ARE NOT SMOKING because of this.  Take some time off of work... some things are more important.  Do not compromise your  mental or physical health over something which is not under your control.  Breathe deeply and slowly. 

[beazel]

So sorry for all you are dealing with now.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[elvan]

Ralph,

I am so sorry for all that you are going through AND for all that your family is going through.  My husband has early signs of dementia and I can tell you that being with him 24/7 might possibly be the most challenging thing I have ever dealt with and I have dealt with some serious challenges.  Watching someone you fell in love with fall into the pit of dementia is incredibly sad.  Watching your parents has to be so hard.  DO know that you are not alone and that your father still exists somewhere inside of that horrible facade of dementia and your mother is also there, she just might not find things so amusing these days.  It sounds like she is suffering from some pretty severe depression, I can understand that.  Your analogy of watching an ice cube melt is so accurate, this does not happen QUICKLY, by any means and it leaves a trail of destruction behind.  PLEASE, take care of yourself.  Try to practice meditation, try to find ways to relax, and DO get some regular exercise.  I have always had low blood pressure and still do, after quitting.  My oldest sister has high blood pressure which gradually increased after she quit smoking, she is on medication and that has taken time to adjust to.  My husband has high blood pressure and had a massive heart attack followed by bypass surgery last year, he recently had a stent put in for another blockage.  They have pointed out that there is nothing more on a SURGICAL level, that they can do.  He has been advised that he HAS to exercise.  He has severe pain in one hip from a hip replacement that is over 30 years old and in need of revision, he needs cataract surgery, he watches me stress out trying to juggle our finances alone.  I know that his mind left the building, so to speak.  He used to be a vibrant and intelligent person who could engage anyone in conversation, I have not seen that person in a very long time.  I DO catch glimpses of him when he talks to our children.  He wants so much to be part of their lives.  

My heart goes out to you and I seriously hope that you can find a way to take care of yourself and to reach out for support as you did today.

(((((Ralph)))))

Ellen

[Ralph1955]

Thank you all for the positive posts and strength.  BP is down and the dr thinks when he took it, just before I had issues with my parents aide so that could have elevated it.  It's now 118/60

 Today I AM taking a me day or should I say a Me weekend.  Going camping with friends and coming home on Monday. I'll have a nice relaxing time and looking forward to it Big Time.

Love ya all

Ralph