on Nov 25, 2008Right now I could get in my car and drive to the gas station and buy a pack of my favorite smokes. Right now. That's how much I want a cigarette. Right now. Everything in my psychie is craving one. For absolutely no reason whatsoever that I can see. Except that I just ate lunch. And food is has always been a major trigger.
So, shall I go do that? Just say the hell with it? I want one and I want it NOW. NOW. I'm tired of fighting the Demon. And I don't care what you all think of me and my failure. Because I just want what I want. NOW.
End of nightmare. Because I won't let it become a reality. Because I WILL say NO, no matter what. Because I HAVE and I CAN continue to.
So SCREW YOU DEMON!
For you newbies - a little inner monologue from an ex smoker of 2 years 8 mos - this is how you keep a quit.
AAAARRRRRGH.
Community
But that's how easy it is to lose a quit. And that's why quit maintenance is so important. Preserve it in amber like the gem it is.
I DO understand what you are telling the newbie - - - and it can slam ANY of us !!! When we least expect it !!!! SAY NO - and protect that quit...at ALL costs !!!!
My blood pressure went normal when I quit smoking....you SURE took care of THAT now, didn't ya !!!!!!!
LOL
I'm sorry I scared the you know what outta y'all, but I'll tell ya, I just had to put this feeling down here, because it's the bloody truth and let's not kid ourselves about it and pretend that it doesn't happen to us long termers 'cause we're afraid of discouraging new comers. Being free of addiction is something you have to fight for. It doesn't come easy all the time. That's why it's called an addiction. And that's why we keep yelling and screaming about Protecting your Quit.
What kind of addict are you?
(Excerpts taken from "Addiction Info")
The term addiction (derived from the Latin root addicere, meaning “to adore or surrender oneself to a masterâ€)
BEST KNOWN MODELS OF ADDICTION
MORAL MODEL: This model, dating to the 1850s, defines an addicted client as weak in character.
SELF-MEDICATION MODEL: This view, originating in the 1960s among psychoanalysts, assumes that people self-medicate to cope with life problems. A person in emotional pain will selfmedicate to find relief, and this can eventually lead to addiction.
MEDICAL/DISEASE MODEL: First proposed in 1810 by Dr. Benjamin Rush (White, 2005), addiction was identified as a disease, rather than a mental disorder or moral failure. Disease is defined as a severely harmful, potentially fatal condition that manifests itself in an irreversible loss of control over use of psychoactive substances. Although the disease may go into remission, there is no known cure, and since the disease is progressive and often fatal, complete abstinence is the treatment goal.
SPIRITUALITY MODEL: This model assumes that addictive disorders stem from a lack of spirituality, that is, of being disconnected from a “Higher Power,†the source of light, truth, love, and wellness. “Every addiction is, in the final analysis, a disease of the spirit,†notes Doweiko
IMPULSE-CONTROL DISORDER: A relatively new definition of addiction, this view assumes that either neurobiological or genetic deficiencies make a person unable to control and regulate impulsive behavior(s). Under certain conditions, such individuals will put themselves at risk...
REWARD DEFICIENCY AND NEUROPHYSIOLOGICAL ADAPTION: This model assumes that chemical imbalance is manifested as one or more behavioral disorders called the “reward deficiency syndrome." This disorder, and others like it, are linked by a common biological substrate, a “hard-wired system in the brain (consisting of cells and signaling molecules) that provides pleasure in the process of rewarding certain behaviorsâ€
GENETIC MODEL: Research over the past 20 years has identified a genetic predisposition in some individuals to alcohol, tobacco, and other substances of abuse.
BIOMEDICAL MODEL: The 1990s gave rise to another disease theory of addiction that draws from both the biological and behavioral sciences. “Using drugs repeatedly over time changes brain structure and function in fundamental and long-lasting ways that can persist long after the individual stops using them.†Once the addiction impacts the brain, the client is driven behaviorally to support the demands made by the brain to prevent becoming ill from withdrawal.
SOCIAL LEARNING MODEL: Social reinforcement causes individuals to model the drug use behaviors of their parents, older siblings, and peers.
ERRONEOUS THOUGHT PATTERNS: This model assumes that illogical thinking underlies addiction. To help addicted clients, counselors must challenge erroneous thinking, correct flawed thinking, and teach them how to reason correctly.
BIOPSYCHOSOCIAL MODEL: Developed in the 1980s, this view holds that addiction vulnerability is affected by the complex interaction between one’s physical status (functioning of the body), psychological state (how one views and perceives the world), and social dynamics (how and with whom one interacts).
Thanks for the info on the Models of Addiction, too. It's nice to have some reference material here. I'll be visiting back, but for now, nigh-night time for JohnC! Enjoy your Turkey all and thanks for every post you make here! Many blessings!
and this is us...
There will never be a time that I will feel safe enough to take off my POWER RANGER suit, and forget that I was once an addict! I will fight this demon off for the rest of my life! I wont think for one moment that it has left me alone. That would mean failure for me!!
Pixielilly
In answer to your questions: How often do I think about smoking? Hard to say, really. Every day is different. But "thinking about" and "craving" are two different birds. Obviously when I'm on here I'm thinking about cigarettes 'cause I'm talking about them. But I assume you mean "craving" one. And again, every day is different. Some days not at all, some days a lot. And don't ask me what makes one day harder or easier than another for I haven't a clue. May have to do with the fragility of my emotional being on any given day.
Weight gain? Yes. But I'm not convinced it's due to quitting. Before I moved down south I was outside 5 - 8 hrs. a day in my gardens. Digging, hauling rocks - a lot of physical labor. Plus sawing wood for our fireplace, shoveling snow and pick axing the ice off the driveway for hours in the winter. Here I have no gardens to speak of, spend very little time outside in comparison and as much time as I was burning calories before, I am sitting on my butt in front of this stupid machine. I have the feeling that once we move out of here to a place where I can once again be out fighting with the earth, the weight will come off. Right now I range 10 - 15 pounds heavier than I was. And I have to really fight to keep from getting even heavier. An hour of exercise a day barely keeps me where I am. It may also have to do with metabolism changes and age - middle age spread, EGAD! Depression? Yes. But again, I don't think that's due to quitting. Just to my current state of spiritual development.
All this is to say I don't believe these are any excuses for starting up smoking again. Not weight gain, not depression. It's too easy to make believe smoking will solve those conditions. And as far as thinking about smoking, I smoked for over 35 years. I believe it's quite natural to think about smoking as often as I do. Ask me in 32 years if I'm still thinking about it. HA! That would make it a fair question.
You do not want too much. I too want to feel happy and lose weight and be smoke free. The latter I am. And THAT is one out of three. The other two I just keep working on. And I sure ain't gonna give up the one. For some reason I think we all expect that life should be a piece of cake. Our bodies should be thin and beautiful, it should be simple to be self disciplined, we should be happy, and the livin' should be easy. Maybe those monks who have been in contemplative worship for a lifetime have figured it out. The majority of us just have to keep workin' it!
So don't let those smoke-filled thoughts get the better of you. Ya hear??!!!