lenna

Life hurts me>>>I hurt myself back

Discussion created by lenna on Jul 7, 2008
Latest reply on Jul 9, 2008 by louise2
I got a little note today, and realized I have slammed into a huge relapse.
My trap is always the same, my reaction to the things that I have little or no
control over. My reaction is always anger, the result of that anger is to turn
it inward on myself, and lets not forget the isolating...I deleted every email
notification from becomeanEx in my inbox for the last few weeks.
Ya, that's really going to help right!
So when life hurts, I hurt myself even more. Smoking is, without a doubt, hurting
me. Its the quick and easy fix to dissapear for 5 minutes from the crap that
hits the fan. But I know its just a short term fix with long term damage.
I know about the difference between anger as a result of agenda violation (things
that are not the way I want them to be) and anger as a result of injustice...and
I feel like I have plenty of both right now.
My friends are tired of hearing about my divorce (which is bitter and ugly and just got uglier) ... people expect you to just "let it go"; "get over it" ... of course most listen to my venting, but it's not their problem, they are just being polite.
My job, thank God I landed a good one after being out of the work force for almost 5 years, is very stressfull, and just got a great promotion, but that involves a learning curve and, you guessed it, more stress.
But the job is the very best thing in my life right now, without it I would be in very dire straits, so I am gratefull, very gratefull, but the workplace is loaded with anger time bombs.
It is clear to me that, even though I have done some work on anger in the past, I still have lots more to do. Funny how that well springs forth as soon as one tries to rid oneself of a nasty addition.
I feel better for venting...or is it called sharing here?
thanks all, I'm glad I opened the one email I did today, it was a little blessing.

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