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Give and get support around quitting

Gwenivere
Member

Personally discovering addiction definition

Using patches, I expected a reaction dropping from 14 to 7.  A 50% drop would obviously make a difference.  What I didn’t expect was the huge occurrences of cold sweats, extremely annoying dizziness and tremors at times.  

I see the true addiction of this now.  I had been keeping the nicotine level at what I smoked and experienced withdrawal from the different delivery system.   Now I feel the real thing.  I’ve been at this lowered dose for 2 weeks now.  Everything is hard.  I can’t seem to get my bearings when I have to do things.  I shampooed my hair after I already had thinking it was conditioner.  I sit here and just zone out.  I still don’t want a cigarette, but I want my ability to focus back.  The simplest things are like puzzles I have to figure out that I did for years. 

I read that having an anxiety disorder makes this very different to manage.  It has become a problem.  I’ve been so tired I can barely get out of bed.  I’ve gained about 5 pounds and have changed nothing in my diet.  I guess that 200 calories a day smoking did is catching up since December.  

It was suggested to go back to 14mg. patches, but then I’d have to face this again or live with them forever.  It’s certainly better than smoking, but not really fighting the addiction.  This is certainly eye opening.  The depression is bad too.  

I’ve always had admiration for the strength for you all here that have racked up years of getting truly free.  It has grown immensely now that I’m really facing the nicotine monster.  Also for the newbies facing this fight.  I see why the relapse rate is high in No Mans Land cause I’m in the thick of it now.  Glad all of you are here.

32 Replies
anaussiemom
Member

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Barbscloud
Member

Hang in there.  Your strength will get you through this too.

Barb

indingrl
Member

CONGRATS AND GOOD JOB TAKING CARE OF YOU AND STAYING ON YOUR OWN PLAN TO STAY NICOTINE FREE!!! Yahooooooo

Barbara145
Member

Good morning.  Good to see you.  Many people who have an "anxiety disorder" when smoking find that quitting smoking helps anxiety immensely including myself.  You seem better to me.  You are doing this.  Have a blessed day.

sweetplt
Member

Sending (((((Hugs))))) out to you...I feel so bad what you are going through...God Bless...sending a few prayers out to you today...~ Colleen

millon03
Member

Gwenivere‌, "This too shall pass", you got this girl, you are doing this quit, kicking and screaming or calmly and serenely, just get it done. This great struggle you are going through will make your success that much sweeter! Stay motivated and focused on what you are doing and why you are doing it and you will find your peace of mind and success!

Peace to you on this beautiful Sunday morning!

M. 26 DOF

DonnaMarie
Member

Clarity will return. 

You sound like  you want to quit completely. I would not return to 14 if it were me, but am suggesting to you that you do what's right for you. My rationalization would be that I'll have to drop it back to 7 eventually and that I might as well fight through it now. Get it over with. 

Withdrawal is real. I got goofy as hell and would apologize to my husband when I talked what I considered to be gibberish. You mentioned shampooing your hair. I can remember that it would feel like every hair was on overdrive in terms of sensitivity and was hollering at me for washing it. What you're going through is almost to be expected. For me, the first 10 days were my mental nutcase days. I'm crazy as it is, so a lot of people couldn't tell about my added layer of quit crazy

Congrats for thinking out loud and my best to you with whatever you decide. 

Donna

Day 63

AnnetteMM
Member

I can't really give advice because I didn't use the patch, but it does seem to me (based on things I've read) that you're now in a pretty much constant state of withdrawal. It's not going to end until you stop feeding it, which means ending all nicotine.

Gwenivere
Member

Yeah, Annette, I do think of that every morning when I open that patch and later reach for lozenges.  When I was on 14mg patches and 5/6 lozenges a day it was equal to my smoke rate as I took the patch off for bed, thus cutting 5mg. out.  It’s been the 50% drop that is eye opening with the 7’s.  I also see I am using the lozenges as rewards as I did cigs.  Nicotine free sounds great, but I take into account my vulnerability as so many stressors are hitting right now and I definitely don’t want to go back to cigs, doesn’t even appeal, which is odd but I’m glad.  I’m not trying to present excuses.  I just know what I can emotionally handle and I’m on a precarious ledge.  

I know many will say there is nothing that can justify hanging on to nicotine.  I have found there is if it means surrendering to immensely dark thoughts that are dangerous.  So this is definitely a time I must be very careful.  Not having any real life support aside from doctors who can’t agree on the challenges, I’m pretty lost.  So I read and talk here just to get it out among others who have all kinds of experiences to draw from and relate to.  

So for the time being I live with this.  Don’t want to be making any permanent  decisions I can’t take back.