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Give and get support around quitting

DonnaMarie
Member
‎01-29-2019 07:35 PM

To people who relapse

I have been the one. The one who quit for a week, a few days, whatever, and then picked up one cigarette and fell into the relapse game. I came here and talked about the relapse and then I fell off the face of the planet.

I was reading replies to a person who relapsed and one of them said "thank you for posting!" I thought that was so profound in a weird way. The relapser screwed up their courage and posted. They didn't disappear from EX. And they were thanked for that. 

I want to add my thanks to relapsers who try again and again and again, and come here and talk about it. It is so brave to not internalize it all, to share with us, and to, believe it or not, strengthen my/our quits. By starting again, you're showing signs that you're gonna make it. You have not given up. You want to quit. You're flirting with smoking, but you'll show it to the curb before you know it. I believe in you! 

I'm 44 days in and have quit numerous times before. I know what a relapse is and how tempting the urge to smoke can be. I also know that if I take even one puff, I'm a smoker again. And to tell the truth, I'm not sure I would have the wherewithal to come here and admit the relapse and ask for help.

So, yes, thank you for posting. You are doing both yourself and me a favor by doing so. And keep quitting!

Donna

Day 44

56 Replies
Sootie
Member
‎01-29-2019 07:46 PM

Hi DonnaMarie‌

Thanks for this blog! We are always glad when a relapser comes back to talk to us and maybe quit again. Nothing is gained by quitting, relapsing and just saying....forget it. Most of us are here to help people become forever quitters.

BUT----you will find that while we say...thanks for coming back.....we will sort of poke and prod (I guess it SEEMS like that ) to help the person understand why they relapsed in the first place. Because while we judge not....and while we welcome all.....it is a FACT that the more you relapse.....the more you relapse...... and the greater the chance is that at SOME point, you won't come back. So we really do try to get people to think about through what happened to trigger the relapse and what they are going to do if it happens again. Because without conscious thought.......you will stay in the gerbil wheel of quit/relapse/quit/relapse--------------- forever.

elvan
Member
‎01-29-2019 08:09 PM
In response to Sootie

Sootie‌ and DonnaMarie‌ I came very close to being in that gerbil wheel forever.  It's not a place I would ever want to be again or that I would want to send anyone to.  You are getting stronger every day...we want to keep you on the right path.  

Ellen

DonnaMarie
Member
‎01-29-2019 08:09 PM
In response to Sootie

I hear ya on the gerbil wheel. I think I've finally jumped off the wheel this time! 

Bonnie
Member
‎01-29-2019 10:00 PM
In response to DonnaMarie

That gerbil wheel can last for most of one's life, I know that for a fact.  I used to joke that I probably have almost as many "quit" days as smoking days, but the joke wasn't funny...'tis better to stay quit than to relapse again and again.  If you KNOW N.O.P.E and DO IT, you will never smoke again.  I was one of those on the original EX site who didn't "get it" and "dropped off the face of the earth", but I've got 388 days now and I never want to have a nasty cig anywhere near my face ever again.  I hope you carry on (watch out for the third month, I lost many a quit then)

DonnaMarie
Member
‎01-30-2019 04:07 PM
In response to Bonnie

I have smoked as long as I haven't smoked. I'm treating this quit as if it's a helpless infant. It's one of the most important things in my life right now and I want it more than just about anything I've wanted in a long time. This no man's land thing is weird, but that's why I come here. Y'all are a huge support no matter how far into a quit I get!

Donna

Day 45

McCarron
Member
‎02-06-2019 02:43 AM
In response to Bonnie

what is NOPE?

sweetplt
Member
‎02-06-2019 07:48 AM
In response to McCarron

Hi McCarron 

Not One Puff Ever

Giulia
Member
‎01-29-2019 08:22 PM

Wise woman.  Wise words.  I wrote a blog a long time ago about how those that fail teach us as much as those who succeed.   If I can find it, I'll put it up.

I was thinking about an incredible supporter on here who relapsed and has never been back.  lindan_7-14-10 She was one of the early Freedom Train conductors.  Deactivated her account in fact.  She was one of my rocks on here as far as a solid quit.  She kept MY quit safe because I knew she would never succumb.  Well, she did.  After what? four years I think.  And I yelled at her mightily.  Because I couldn't believe that she had given up that incredible quit of hers.  I was utterly devastated.  I think she took my "yelling" as a negative.  I was yelling out of love, saying, please - come back to your quit. 

Anyway -   There have been others here who have been incredible supporters on this site. Whom we thought had really rock solid quits and who succumbed.  Another one was another quit train conductor.  TerrieQuit   

My point is - relapsers teach us the awful truth of this addiction and the power of it.  So we should bless them for that.  And welcome them back any time they manage to get back here.

But I may still yell at them out of love.  The yelling is not berating, it's saying "Come ON, you can DO this, stop letting the least of you win the battle against the Best of you."