millon03

DAY ZERO

Discussion created by millon03 on Jan 21, 2019
Latest reply on Jan 22, 2019 by anaussiemom

My name is Melissa. I am at day zero meaning tomorrow is my set quit date. I have been on Chantix since 01/14 and I just want to get on with it. I have been smoking since the summer of my 12th year and though I have been addicted to other things, which I have been able to leave behind, this is the addiction of my life.  I have tried to quit by every means possible and know now I was not willing to commit to any of those attempts.  The longest I have ever stopped using cigarettes was for 4 1/2 months.  I still remember how incredible I felt! I am now 54 years old and have smoked for 41 years and 9 months. When I was a much younger woman I watched as they took my grandmother off of the ventilators and the life leave her.  Yet I continued to smoke. I have toured a respiratory hospital and seen the wards filled with victims of cigarettes and smelled them, yet I continued to smoke. I have watched people smoke through a hole in their neck, yet I continued to smoke. People who don't smoke look at me sideways as I smoke and people who know me roll their eyes when I tell them I am going to try again, because they have heard this from me countless times. I wake up in the middle of the night because I can't breath and try to remember to inhale through my nose because the oxygen is more effective than through my mouth, until the fear and tension leave my chest. I think often of dying early, in one of those hospitals with tubes running through my nose and mouth, breathing for me. I am now thoroughly scared shitless.

 

These are my reasons and motivations. I know I can't do this alone but I do feel alone.  I live with smokers and there is nothing I can do about that. I have to do what I have to do for me. Thanks for reading and for being here. I think I am ready, I pray sincerely that I am this time!

 

Peace...

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