A Very Serious Question

[Thomas3.20.2010]

I had a setback this week and am studying how to achieve the missing part. My year end review said that I have all of the skills to do an exceptional job but that I lack self confidence to match my abilities. So question: How do I improve my self confidence so that it stays this side of hubris but also makes the true me shine through? 

How do you do it?

I get a second chance in March and really need this promotion!

[RachelMB]

10 Things You Can Do to Boost Self-Confidence 

Thomas,

This article has some great tips on things to do.  I believe in you and know you can do this!

Rachel

[YoungAtHeart]

Figure out at what point in your life someone made you feel incompetent.....because feeling that way is not the natural order of things.  Whoever did that/whenever that occurred, it was probably incorrect, but it started you in on doubting yourself. 

Understand that it was only THEIR point of view - and that it was probably incorrect.  You might not have been at your best - or maybe you made a bad decision ------ but that did not mean you were incompetent.

We here know how wise you are - now show everybody ELSE!

Can you volunteer to lead a group?  Can you lead by example?  Be self-assured (even if you might be wrong)!

[maryfreecig]

   Don't be anybody but you. Win, lose or draw. 

   Lack of confidence sounds like code from your reviewer. Job stuff boils down to very specific behavior/tasks. Get that list of behaviors that your boss or reviewer doesn't want you to do or would like you to do--and if those criticisms or suggestions seem reasonable, alter those habits the best you can.  

   Definitely reflect without fear.

   Just my opinions, Thomas.   

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Part of it was out of my control. Certain medications make me shake uncontrollably which can be interpreted as fear a.k.a. lack of confidence. Part of it is definitely withing my control. I ask too many questions. They're good questions but they also come off as uncertainty i.e. lack of confidence. Part of it is not knowing how to be assertive without being aggressive or how to be confident without being stuck up. I guess I tend to stay back rather than act show off and again it's taken as lack of confident. I'm a leader but I'm not a smart a$$. Any ideas are welcome!

[anaussiemom]

2 things can play the part.  Smile and  Thank You

Saying Thank you, helps you to feel cheery who knew?  

[Barbara145]

Sorry about your disappointment, Thomas.  Contemplate who you think you are.  We are who God created us to be.  Work on thinking positive thoughts and be your authentic self.  That is what we see here at ex.  I, like all the people here think you are pretty wonderful.

[MarilynH]

There's some wonderful comments above me for you to read and reflect on Thomas, I haven't got to add other than be your awesome self because you are a great guy you have been a rock here on for so many of us, huge hug coming your way sweet friend and Fellow Exer and most definetly EXtended family......

[Mandolinrain]

Oh Thomas this breaks my heart to read this. Barbara145 makes a beautiful point...".We are who God created us to be". You Thomas, are such a blessing to this site and are wonderfully made.

The best advice I can give to you is to just be you. I do understand low self esteem. Others may not always 'see that' in me, but it's there, sometimes more obvious to me than I care to admit.

I will share with you something that really helped me and that is I need to put more effort into pleasing God rather than people. Maybe this job is not exactly where God wants you to be. Maybe it is a stepping stone for where He will eventually have you. Have faith my friend. I will be praying God leads you exactly where He wants you to be and gives you peace over it.

Hugs love and prayers to you Thomas.

[elvan]

I cannot imagine anyone being better at ANY job than YOU are...honestly, Thomas, you help so many people on here...remember that, I am sure that you are helpful to anyone who calls in for help and I am sure that you are understanding and kind.  Those ARE assets and your bosses need to understand that.  I expect that you might feel overwhelmed sometimes because you don't feel well but you are an amazing person and any employer would be very, very lucky to have you.  Concentrate on what you do well and try to pinpoint what it is they are talking about.  Fake it til you make it...you CAN do this.  You have all of the tools...treat yourself like you would treat one of us.

You are the BEST!

Ellen