Going Crazy

Discussion created by Gwenivere on Jan 3, 2019
Latest reply on Jan 5, 2019 by Barbscloud

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One month and on the patches and lozenges. Mind and body are going crazy. I didn’t expect Nirvana, but I sure didn’t know it could feel even harder. Anxiety is eating me alive. I just want to sleep. Existing pain levels have increased to barely bearable. I get the shakes a lot from doing daily activities. I’m supposed to go to my docs today and don’t want to. I’m so tired of feeling so bad. Day to day challenges make me want to hide somewhere. I’m so tired of hearing how good I’m doing. It doesn’t feel that way to me. I’m having cravings now. Not used to that. Coming out of the holidays that were the worst ever being alone. So many triggers. I feel outnumbered.

Outcomes

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Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Jan 3, 2019 6:53 AM
I'm so sorry you're feeling bad. You have a month of not smoking? Even though you feel bad? That's why people are telling you that you're doing well! Your strength and courage are simply beautiful in the face of challenges. Go easy on yourself and maybe talk with a professional about your shakes and anxiety. It doesn't hurt to get advice and support from them as well as us I hope you find moments of peace and acceptance in your journey. You deserve them.
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Thomas3.20.2010 Jan 3, 2019 7:01 AM
I would think that this is the perfect time to see your physician. You have to make it through to the other side of these feelings. I would question if NRTs are helping or keeping you in a constant state of withdrawal. Going smart turkey is like ripping a bandaid of a wound. It hurts like crazy for a little while but sometimes if you don't take that bandaid off the wound can fester underneath. Just my humble opinion - I could be wrong but this long drawn out withdrawal seems to being doing more harm than good at this point. You CAN do this - you ARE doing this and yes, there is another side! Feel better soon!
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- Gwenivere @ Thomas3.20.2010 on Jan 3, 2019 5:17 PM
  i happen to see my doc today. I also need to call my state quit coach. Lots of mental challenges and I miss not missing cigs. The NRT was working well til the holidays hit. I’m totally alone in this, except for counselors, so it makes it tougher without someone here to talk to.
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Barbscloud Jan 3, 2019 7:05 AM
Sorry you're having such a difficult time Gwen. Really should talk to your doctor. You've gotten so far, you don't want to lose your wonderful quit. I've read articles that some folks do have a much harder time with quitting than others. Stay strong.
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anaussiemom Jan 3, 2019 7:13 AM
If you smoked only 4 cigs a day?? Perhaps to much nicotine. I was using 21 mg for 20 cigs a day, my heart was racing I was a wreck. I had to go down to 14mg. Bought nic" gum only chew like maybe one piece a day 2 mg. IDK maybe way to much nicotine, and other chemicals in the NRTS. Just a thought. 4 cigs a day; isn't very much nicotine... If that is what you smoked. My opine.

Many blessings
Kim
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- Gwenivere @ anaussiemom on Jan 3, 2019 5:12 PM
  When I quit I cut down to 4 from 15 cigs using the lozenges. Dropped the cigs and using the 14 patch and lozenges now. What I am feeling are more like panic attacks and that has me puzzled, tho getting through the holidays and having my oxygen levels fall has the depression at an all time high. Add in the nicotine change and my body is going nuts. I’m not used to cravings. I had a good system going til just before the holidays and caught a bug again.
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  - anaussiemom @ Gwenivere on Jan 3, 2019 5:20 PM
    Im so sorry. I also have panic, it is tough. I am here.
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Jimbone Jan 3, 2019 7:45 AM
I needed to read and so happens this AM I landed on your post. You will make you feel better. How alone are you not? 113 days into my quit and getting this insane success anxiety. Why do I wrestle with guilt over living my long dream come true? My original quit date was New Year's and my body said don't be late 112 days ago. My 1st Christmas with my totally not smoking family so easy it was scary. Told them amongst all that great food that if anyone were to put a cigarette in front of me, I would eat it. Fortunately none in the room. I sang the background music to two Xmas movies. Couldn't shut me up. Then once I get back home and alone the mind starts screaming for a smoke, and I dutifully tell myself no. Monitoring my candy intake which seems elevated and today the day to refresh my honey nut cashews stash. Two weeks into 100% decaf and learned about 478 breathing yesterday. Cried grown man tears all last week, the kind you don't hear, till that all past til the next time. All good if I hafta but I won't smoke. Read I should be proud of my quit and whaddayakneaux here's a reason to be that way that won't be an Express ticket to the other place. Make new year's resolutions every other year, this my year not to. But I will resolve where my quit is concerned, to not. You can too. Be selfish in 2019. Make it all about you. Your post helped me.
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- Barbscloud @ Jimbone on Jan 3, 2019 8:03 AM
  Good for you Jimbone This was my first Christmas without smoking also. Each time we're successful with these milestones, we've learned a new behavior. Continued success on your journey.
  
  Barb
  296 DOF
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Marilyn.H.July.14.14. Jan 3, 2019 8:12 AM
I'm very sorry you're having such a difficult time I really hope you keep the appointment with your Dr, I know when you're in the middle of the cravings and moodswings the last thing you want to hear is how you are doing BUT you've gotten through a month and as difficult as it is at times it's going to get easier and easier with time, if you stop and think about how many decades you smoked then it only stands to reason that it's bound to take time to relearn life without the smokes I know that it doesn't help to hear that not right now anyway. Gentle hug coming your way. ...
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AnnetteMM Jan 3, 2019 10:51 AM
I agree with anaussiemom that patches plus lozenges is probably too much nicotine.
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- Gwenivere @ AnnetteMM on Jan 3, 2019 5:22 PM
  total on nic a day is about 18mgs as I don’t sleep with the patch. Only 2-3mg more than when I smoked. Being redundant, so many other emotional challenges hit too as well as getting a cold that sent me to the ER many times for shortness of breath. Thanks for your take on it.
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marciem Jan 3, 2019 11:04 AM
Gwenivere.... First let me say, I'm sorry for the terrible time you have been having, and very proud of you for making it through this difficult time without smoking!! Whether it feels like it or not, that is a major accomplishment and you did it very well!!

I'm going to go contrarian here, contrary to my own beliefs/feelings, and put in something a friend/co-quitter on my old board experienced.

She started her quit with NRT, patches I believe. She had a TERRIBLE TIME, and complained constantly how terrible it was. After a few/several weeks, she read Allan Carr's "Easy Way to Quit Smoking" and had an epiphany from something he said in the book, about not needing the nicotine and the only purpose of nicotine was to set you up for another craving... something like that (I have NOT read the book, but understand it is an easy quick read and available free on-line). After that 'aha" moment, she took off her patch for good, and for a long time after that told everyone who listened that the hardest part of her personal quit was while she was using NRT, that it became more bearable and a smoother, more expected journey with much less anxiety after she stopped the patches.

OK, there it is, one different person's perspective, and I know you don't want hear "cold turkey" or "Stop the NRT" but it is just possible that the NRT patches and lozenges are contributing to your feelings of anxiety and you are attributing THAT to withdrawal instead of what it is... OD on nicotine. IMO.

Take what helps and leave the rest. A read of the above mentioned book "Easy Way to Quit Smoking" would at the very least do you no harm.

Best to you!
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maryfreecig Jan 3, 2019 12:43 PM
Life cannot meet us where we would like it too. I have my wish list, but life has its own for me. Many of us, if not all, must find a way to adapt to what has turned out crappy. Is it that you do not want to adapt or don't believe you can? What will it take for you to accept where you are now?

Keep looking for answers because they are there to be found.
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- Gwenivere @ maryfreecig on Jan 3, 2019 5:28 PM
  the hardest thing is no one understands trying to do all I am faced with becoming a widow. There just aren’t any ways anyone can understand that unless it happens to them. Also that I was medically forced into this quit, no time to really prep. So I feel trapped. These weren’t my choices high adds motivation that is much needed. I do need to get the book tho. Seems to have helped so many. Thanks.
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  - anaussiemom @ Gwenivere on Jan 4, 2019 8:05 AM
    Jen Gwenivere you will love the book! It is a fun, informative, important read!! I passed mine on...otherwise I would happily send you mine. :/
    
    Also, I married Dean, who is and was a widower, of 37yr. marriage before me. he has many memories and some tough times. We have been together for 9 yrs. I keep my heart open to him and his deceased beloved. It is kinda like a triangular marriage. And that's ok. I welcome his tears still after all these years. holidays are still tough for him @ times. However we do to make new memories for us". We all have to move forward a baby step at a time.
    
    All of need and crave human contact. it is an important part of life I think. Your loneliness, seems very painful for you.
    
    The dynamics are tough, crazy, for him, I, all the extended family members.
    
    Just inbox me, if you would like to chat about anything, or being a widow... Maybe I can be of some comfort for you Idk. But, I am here. hugs
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  - AnnetteMM @ Gwenivere on Jan 4, 2019 10:40 AM
    I am also a widow. You are not alone.
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Helpme0119 Jan 3, 2019 8:15 PM
Your not going crazy! Maybe you need time to just plain old relax. I started using relaxation cd's. I also have a few hypnotism cd's that help me relax also. Relaxation is not just something you can do in a moments notice. It is a learned activity. You have to learn how to relax. Try it you won't feel so full of anxiety and pain.
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Lauralives Jan 3, 2019 7:09 PM
Gwen, I agree with many here in that NRT prolongs the agony. That does not mean it is not needed sometimes for a short period of time. Perhaps it is just too much nicotine too. I say bite the bullet and get the pain over with more quickly. It doesn't mean you won't have pain/urges etc, just that the nicotine gets out of your system and you can begin healing after 72 hours. Alan's book is great. We can suffer if we so choose, or we can say, NOPE, and NO to suffering and wanting cigarettes for the rest of our lives. The truth is, we don't want to smoke, none of us do, it is an addiction that whispers LIES to you. We are stronger than those lies honey. Let's stick together and hold each other up. Hugs, Laura
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elvan Jan 3, 2019 8:59 PM
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time...there are others here on the site who have been widowed...I am sure they can relate to that. As far as this not being something you prepared for...honey, you have to let go of that resentment. Your body made the decision, just like mine did. I understand not wanting to hear people tell you how well you are doing because I felt that in past quits. The fact is that you ARE doing well...you are just so overwhelmed with other things that you have not been able to see that. I really hope that your doctor offers you some much needed support. I read Allen Carr after I had quit and I cannot say that quitting smoking was easy for me, despite that title. I CAN tell you that there were a couple of things that I can't even remember now that really DID hit home.

You CAN do this you ARE doing it...just keep taking it one step at a time. Try not to allow yourself to fall into the lies that addiction is telling you...seriously, you do not have to listen.
Hugs,
Ellen
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karenjones Jan 3, 2019 9:41 PM
There is a tendency among detoxing smokers to blame every little twinge on quitting. I f you are feeling tired, sleep. But do see your doctor, there may be something else going on. Tonight, get some rest and drink lots of fluids.
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Gwenivere Jan 3, 2019 11:50 PM
I saw my doctor and talked to my quit coach today. It’s not too much nicotine. Concensus seems to be my anxiety disorder being woken by the worst stress it’s ever faced since I got it. I think I mistaking it’s symptoms with withdrawl. I was doing fine on NRT til the holidays hit along with getting sick again. I appreciate opinions to go cold turkey, but I would fail. I know me. Can’t take any more physical or mental stress. I’m barely getting by now. I like that patches have kept me from not smoking or wanting a cigarette. I don’t even think of it as an option. I did skim Carr’s book. I’ll get a copy and check it out. Thanks for the opinions, but I’m going to go by what the other pro's say all having been smokers themselves and know how incredibly hard this is. So let’s take too much nic off the table. I’m not even getting a packs worth. Maybe just a tad more than when I smoked. As for the NRT's, l'lol have to see how they pan out if I can calm down.
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- anaussiemom @ Gwenivere on Jan 4, 2019 8:06 AM
  Gwenivere what do you need from Ex?
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  - Gwenivere @ anaussiemom on Jan 4, 2019 10:27 PM
    Support, just like everyone else and I have gotten it , many times over. I’m just relaying what the licensed professionals say in regards to this as I want to pursue every avenue. They are all ex smokers too.
    
    oh, and I believe every quitter is a pro of thier journey.
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Barb102 Jan 4, 2019 6:24 PM
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I pray that God will surround you with his Grace and Strength. We are all here for you. Day or night we are on this site. Please let us know what we can do to help you
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Gwenivere Jan 4, 2019 10:31 PM
I do believe there is some truth about too much nicotine when I have unthinkingly used lozenges too close together. But all in all, not in a daily count. Maybe that is what I scrambled up up on the too much of it support? If so, I apologize for that.
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- karenjones @ Gwenivere on Jan 5, 2019 7:41 AM
  Early days yet Mrs. One thing that you can take to the bank is that this will not stay like this forever. I can promise you that. And if you have to stay on NRT all the rest of your life, it is a million times better than smoking cigarettes. A million times better. Lord woman! you are de-toxing from a very addictive drug. Expect to feel miserable for a while. I sounds as if you are geting good medical care. But don't suffer through the symptoms of a flu or something because you think it is cigarette withdrawal when you may have the flu or something. Be real good to yourself now, baby yourself, show yourself some tender loving kindness. You deserve it.
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  - anaussiemom @ karenjones on Jan 5, 2019 9:23 AM
    I agree karenjones I would rather be addicted to a patch forever. Then having so many chemicals and nasty cigs in my body. Tobacco free is the most important!
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Barbscloud Jan 5, 2019 9:25 AM
My Pulmonary Dr actually said that to me. He'd rather I used the nicotrol inhalers forever than smoked. He actually has a patient that's been using them for years.
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Going Crazy

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