I promised some more Momma stories by QSMB (QuitSmokingMessageBoard)'s JWG, and here is part 2
Momma pt 2 Momma shaves her head
Oh my lord, momma has gone and shaved her head,
If that don’t beat all .. What will that woman do next.. I am so proud of her being outta prison this long I just wish she wasn’t still on house arrest as part or her parole agreement.. The woman could drive a priest to murder and never mind a man to drink or smoke.
How I have managed to not smoke so far in beyond me. Well I guess a lot of the reason is momma says if she see’s me smoking she’s gonna shove a pack of cigarettes right down my throat and beat the living **** outta me. Don’t misunderstand this as ‘tuff love” she just knows I aint got no smokes and would have to steal one of hers to smoke it.
That’s what they do to a smoke stealer on the B block.. And trust me buddy we live B block rules around this joint too.. Thou momma don’t like me calling her crib the joint..
Anyways I still aint smoking and that’s the point,, lots a times I find going for a walk helps, I can clear my mind and breath the fresh air it is wonderful. I like too being able to smell the stills cooking moon shine so I knows to stay clear of them.. One thing you don’t wanna do in these parts is walk into a mans moon shine operation. Why even some of them fellers are quit smoking cense there was that big explosion and four of’em got blowd up.. Next day in the paper sure nuff it read “Smoking kills.”. Well That just did it for’em.. I thought
But come to find out it was cuz about 250 jugs of shine got blown up too and that was the real shame of it.. The ones that are quitting asked me for some advice , cuz I’m doing so good I told them it was easy as long as they didn’t smoke none and that just cause it was a corn cob pipe didn’t mean it was a good for’em anyways
Remember I was tellen you before about my sisters pole dancing in the front of the trailer , the parlor they call it, anyways one of the twins Peggy sue is getting married to a shiner , a shinner is one of them fellers that makes moon shine. I don’t right know witch one of it is Peggy sue 1 or Peggy sue 2 and I don’t reckon he dose either, see momma named ‘em
Both the same name, cuz they looked just alike and on a chance they got mixed up she would still be callin by there right name. we tried for a long time to call one Peggy and the othern Sue, but hell that just got to be to much and they’d just lie to witchen they was anyhow. Hell I hope they just both move out
And take that dam pole with‘em. 6 dollar cove r just to walk into your own trailer on a Friday.. Is just to much. Oh and lord god, don’t let me get started on the night momma got drunk and started strippen doing that darn pole dancin.. Something a person should never see,, and that’d be one of‘em,, but I did get her razors for her birthday. And allot of’em
And clippers too. Well now we know she has used the clippers on her head
I wonder if she knows why I bought them for her.. I anit sayin and you’d better not either..
So I have had a few close calls and come close to loosing this quit I got going on but a lot of determination and will power keeps me going. I’m sure I’ll have more trying times but I keep going one day at a time.. Kinda like doing time.. Just put the x’s on the wall each night and go to sleep..
But A kinda scary thing coming up is this big weekend we are sure to have a few big shing dings .BBQ’s lots of beer tons of people coming and going smoking and laughing just having a good old time. Momma getting drunk and show’en off her new hair do to all her boy friends, But I think just the guards are coming this weekend the bikers are a bit sore still over the last party and getting arrested
And then on Sunday we are going to the cattle sale, they sell about everything there not just cows’s they gots sheep, pigs ducks and chickens and momma say we can get a goat . Cuase they do real smart around the house eaten grass and stuff. Its kinda like a lawn mower you can eat it when it gets winter time
being there at the cattle sale always makes you wanna smoke. One it helps with the smell and two it helps with the smell. And Im not just talking about the cows and such,, You ever been in a barn with about a hundred hillbilly‘s, Not all of us got running water in these parts,, Reckon we only do cause are trailer is right above the creek. So we got water running by right near everyday. Another thing About that cattle sale you just can sell any old heifer there ,lord knows Ive tried selling my sisters a couple of times.. I even Put a add on Craig’s list .. For’em But Craig flagged it and pulled it down before I could get anybody to even reply.. Go figure even on cragis list you cant sell white trailer trash whores ,, rekon I might could just list them in the free section.. I don’t need the money.. I’m saving so much from not smoking,, Yea right,, and I got some nice land in then ever swamps in floradora for sale too, would you like to buy it? Or perhaps a bridge in New York I have one of them for sale too
But the main point of all This Is I am still not smoking,, And mamma aint back in jail…. Yet
(John passed on 12/28/13, at the age of 50, of lung cancer)