Quitting is like a strange new world

[Freedomcat]

Today is day 1 of my quit. 16 hours, 59 minutes to be exact (according to my app). 

This morning I felt fine. Some cravings. Mostly hung in and read blogs, prayed,  coloured, listened to music, enjoyed my morning coffee and breakfast, etc. I thought...this isnt so bad!

Ha! At around 12:30pm, I started feeling wonky. Someone described it well in a blogpost. Like being in a kaleidoscope. I feel dizzy. My visual perception is off, and easily overwhelmed. My head feels full of cotton balls and fog and lead. Not very hungry and a little nauseous. Haven't had my usual morning bowel movement yet. 

Emotionally I feel excited then disappointed, over and over again. Excited about going for a smoke...something to look forward to and then immediately remembering that I choose to quit today,  and disappointment. I'm trying not to dwell there. I have been breathing, shifting my focus instead of arguing with the thoughts or let the loss overwhelm me. Instead, I have been 'playing the tape to the end'....replaying what it was actually like to smoke. And looking into the future if I smoke again. And praying. 

That was a few hours ago. I then spoke with a  friend who said..."it gets worse," "you need to change your habits," and "and if you smoke, you can always try again." 

Argh!!!! So words really threw me for a loop. 

Since then I feel like I've been running,trying to avoid the panic I started to feel. I got realy really scared that I was going to fuck up. I was going to do it wrong and would find myself smoking again. So I stopped. Cried a little. Felt the panic a little. With my partner. Then realized I made a list of anxiety coping skills that I use...so I looked at them and decided to go with feeling the support of my comfy chair, finding the safe feeling in my body and deep breathing. Getting out.of my head

..stop trying to fight those darn thought pe reframe them or whatever, but allow them to be and redirect to my senses and my body. 

People here say that we gotta stay on top of the addict voice...but when I try to do that, I get so exhausted, and really stuck up in my head, and way more panicky and confused and like I'm spinning. I think my higher voice lives in my body, not in my head. Going into the support of my body helped. And burning sage and cedar. 

I dont want to smoke. And I don't think there's one right way. The more I read on here sometimes the more scared I get that I'm getting it wrong and my mind spins with all the words and advice. But the encouragement feels good and the connection. And to write out my thoughts. 

I struggle with OCD...where my thoughts can become very obsessive and intrusive...so my thoughts are a tricky place to dwell. 

I'm  now at 19 hours, 11 minutes 2 seconds

Please tell me it does get better. I know it might get worse the next couple days...but I need to hear it will get better and that I'm doing good. Thank you!

[TW517]

It really does get better, I promise!  Oh how well I remember hearing that a lot on here early in my quit.  And I kept wanting to scream, "BUT WHEN?!!!!"  You are nearly one full day.  Or as we like to say here, Day Won!!!

You are doing everything right.  You are trying to do anything else at all besides smoking to cope and you are winning.  Keep up the good work!  Glad you came here write it all down.  

[YoungAtHeart]

Just like everyone is different, so is every quit.  We share our experiences because that's what we know.  You are doing it extremely well for YOU - and that is what matters.  Your method might not work for someone else, but it works for YOU - and that is what matters!

You got through this first day the best that you could.  Be very proud that today has become Day WON!

Each day you learn a bit more of what works and what doesn't, so in that way, it gets easier each day.  The first week is the most uncomfortable, the second week just a bit less so, and each week thereafter gets a bit easier, still.  This is a journey, not an event.  It may be like a roller coaster ride with ups and downs and twists and turns.

You might increase your exercise and fiber in your diet.  Quitting smoking does impact (no pun intended) your digestive system.  Nicotine did help it to work --- so there is an adjustment in your system to life without it.

Congrats on Day Won.  You got through it!  Good for you!!

Now - do it again tomorrow - sometimes it will be an hour (or a minute) at a time.  Just get through it the best you can.  All of us who were successful got through it - and, trust me - we are NOT better than you!

Nancy

[marciem]

Congratulations on your terrific decision to quit smoking, Freedomcat‌!!  This is by far the best decision and life-choice that you can ever make!!

Now, your friend says "It gets worse".  It does, in the first week.  Day 4 is memorable to me as being the very most difficult day of my journey.  

BUT, as said above, it also gets better.  Not real quick, and sometimes you don't even notice the "betterment" until you look back and can say "Yah, that was way worse than today!!  Yay me!"

Fighting and arguing with your inner addict is really an exercise in frustration.  It will exhaust you.  Just decide "I don't smoke anymore" (just for today, or this hour, or this minute... small bites will get this elephant eaten!)  , take the daily Pledge if that's your style, then all arguments are over and you can breathe deep and not get yourself worn out with the battle.  Remember too ... each crave will go away, whether you smoke or not.  YES, they will.  You might play at timing them for a while... feels like forever but is only minutes.  

The corollary to that is... the only way craves will go away permanently is if you DO NOT SMOKE.  Smoking may allay a particular crave, but it also sets you up for the next one 20 minutes or so later.  It doesn't get rid of them.  NOT smoking gets rid of them.

Best wishes on your journey... stay close, read read read as much as you can about this addiction and cessation, keep busy, do plenty of deep breathing and ice water and juices for blood sugar... and keep the faith that it WILL get better!

[Freedomcat]

Thank you so much Marciem. Today I'm not smoking

[elvan]

Congratulations, you are doing GREAT!  PLEASE don't listen to negativity...we are so fragile at the beginning of our quits that the very last thing we need to hear is someone saying "it gets worse"...WHY would anyone say that?  Let me guess, that person is a smoker currently, is that right?

I PROMISE you that it gets better but it takes TIME and it may take you more or less time than it took someone else.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay very close to the site, read blogs, comment, write blogs, use us as a sounding board.  We have all been where you are and if it did not get better, I think there would be a lot fewer of us here.  I remember getting to a point where I realized that all I thought about was smoking or rather..NOT smoking.  I thought I might lose my mind.  I talked to my husband about it and he is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for over 34 years...he told me to get down on my knees and to ask God to remove the mental obsession.  He said it might take more than once and I HAD to get on my knees but he was confident that I would feel a difference.  I will admit that I was skeptical, to say the least...BUT, I did it.  I DID feel a difference but I had to do it more than once...the mental obsession was the absolute worst for me because my psychological addiction was incredibly strong.  I am really happy to tell you that after 47 years as a smoker, I am coming up on my fifth year as an ex in January.  I have NEVER regretted quitting and I really do not think it got worse...it just was not easy, it was a matter of accepting that this is going to pass.  I CAN do this, one day at a time and when that is too long...one hour or one minute or one second at a time.  Whatever works...as OldBones-Larry‌ says: "One step, and then another, will get you to where you want to be."

We are all here to help you as much as we can, remember that and stay close to the site.

Ellen

[Freedomcat]

Thanks so much Ellen. I was also in AA in my early years of sobriety from alcohol...its been 10 years of not drinking now. And yes, in the beginning I prayed ALOT. I have resurrected my 12 step prayer books and daily reflection books and have a morning routine which includes those. I believe that it does work and I need spiritual guidance and surrender in this journey. Thank you for that reminder. 

Also...congratulations on your upcoming ml ing 5 years....that's amazing! 

What I find myself doing is looking at people and thinking...how do they live without smoking? What do they live for? It's a strange thing because I know smoking is not a reason to live...and I still look at them and am amazed. I have this seemingly neverending wanting and desire for something more. I guess this is craving...and I wonder what it us that I actually want...what do I really desire?

[elvan]

Freedomcat‌ First of all, HUGE congratulations on your sobriety AND on your newest journey.  I used the 12 Steps many times as I traveled on this journey.  I was very active in AlAnon and remember how much that helped me, I had a "safe place."  PLEASE let US be YOUR safe place.  I remember reading blogs written by people explaining that this was their "Forever Quit" and I SO wanted to be part of that...to FEEL that.  I did not really want to smoke since I had decided that breathing was more important but this addiction really threw me for a loop.  I am the poster child for many of the things you can expect if you keep smoking...believe me, NONE of them are good.  Since I quit, I have grown spiritually and emotionally.  I have gotten to know the person I kept under wraps for all of those years when I smoked.  We are here to help you in any way that we can and I am positive that there is not one person here who wishes you anything but success.

Best,

Ellen

[elvan]

I just commented on your other blog about your first day...I recognized some of the same things...particularly being told that it gets worse...WHY would anyone say that?  It really bothers me...I can tell you what DOES get worse...lungs...the progressive damage from COPD that is not reversible.  You might be able to slow it down but you can't reverse damage that is done.  PLEASE take care of yourself, you are worth it.  Anyone with the word cat in their user name has to be special.

Ellen

[Mandolinrain]

YES...it will get better, then bad then better then bad then better....but the increments get shorter and shorter and more manageable for the bad.

We are here so please come and blog when your feeling bad  Keep yourself busy. My house sparkled when I quit. I washed every nook and cranny and it really did help