I hadn't been in the Christmas spirit this year at all. I couldn't have cared less about getting the tree down and set up so they guys did it because they wanted it. I didn't decorate it because again I didn't care. I baked for my family and friends which usually brings me joy. Not this year. I got the boys what few presents they wanted. I tried to surprise them with some off the wall, fun things to open but I apparently screwed that up and they didn't exactly like what they got. Due to my husband's stupidity they found out about the one yearly 'secret present' that was supposed to absolutely floor them. This year we played the "A Christmas Story" movie's fun of saving it till later and hid it behind the couch like Ralphie's Red Rider bb-gun being behind the desk but they already knew what it was so it lost the the fun. My oldest is ranting right now about one of the presents I was positive he'd love. He's made no beef that he hates it and why did I buy it? I want to slap him into next month.
My husband is gone today visiting his dad who has pancreatic cancer. I haven't seen his dad and wife in many years. Once again my husband asked if the boys and I could come down for a visit but his b*** of a wife, that I have nothing against at all, once again said no. The boys haven't seen their ONLY grandfather in 10 years! When hubby asked if just I could visit was that was shot down again. I've had it. They haven't liked me for the past 30 years and I don't know why so I guess I shouldn't be surprised but he is my father-in-law after all. It may be petty but when the man dies I won't be at whatever they're doing for a memorial, that is if they do anything at all.
With emotions running so high I got so depressed. I don't say anything to anyone here any more because every time I've opened my mouth about anything I get the 'no, your wrong' either verbally of by reactions. I've really, really wanted a smoke but I have new coping skills to catch me before I fall.
Thanks to my family of Ex-ers who always have an ear to listen to my whining, a shoulder to cry on and the strong care I need any time I need it. Family is anyone, anywhere who cares and I certainly know you are part of mine! I'm keeping this quit no matter what! I've worked too hard to blow it now. Thanks again guys.