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Anyone here have smoking relapse are 90 days in?

Question asked by Bstar888 on Dec 20, 2018
Latest reply on Dec 20, 2018 by Youngatheart.7.4.12

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Hi y'all! I'm new here and have not ever shared my attempts at quitting with anyone before, but I've come to realize that no man is an island, and being independent is fine until you come to terms with actual dependency upon a substance.

That being said, I've been around this "mountain" several times before, and every time I come to the 3 month mark... I crack! I start smoking! The desire is so incredibly strong that it even supercedes the first week of quitting. It's beyond my understanding as to why.

Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation, and how did you defeat it? Why does this happen at this point of quitting? Any insight would be very, very appreciated! Thanks in advance, and congrats on making the decision to live, and to live without cigarettes! ⭐

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Giulia Dec 20, 2018 1:29 AM
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Oh WELCOME! to this site and my similar experience. I've given up at least two quits at the three-month mark. Why? I think that there are several reasons. For me, I still wanted one, but felt rather secure in my quit. And thought I could have just that "one" on that special occasion. THE EX ONE PUFF FILES It was always a "special occasion" that gave me the "permission" to smoke just that "one."  Which of course turned into the next 15 years of smoking. UNDERSTANDING EXCUSES

And there's just something about that three month period that is very dangerous. I've always said, "If you still want one, you're still vulnerable. Protect your quit." I'm trying to go back in my mind as to what made me more vulnerable at that three-month mark. (I quit 12 years ago.) Part of it is probably entering a stage of maintenance, when the excitement has subsided and it becomes just a drudgery of holding on day after day. No Man's Land.  No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)

The fact that you're AWARE of this tipping point is in your favor. When we recognize something, we can then take steps to change and overcome it.

How I ultimately defeated it? I became aware of an on-line support group and actively participated daily. I became educated about this addiction. I gained the necessary knowledge to overcome it. Quitting is a Skill that CAN be Learned And stayed connected through continuing educations and offering support to others on their journeys. I truly believe it is only through support that I bested this beast. You've come to the right place. Stick around. We might be able to help!

Cheers!
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desiree465 Dec 20, 2018 9:02 AM
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Ah no man's land it is a ***** to get through. There are soooo many blogs about it on here that it will blow your mind. Everyone goes through it you are not alone!
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Dec 20, 2018 9:36 AM
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Welcome to our community!

Ah - No Mans Land! 2-4 months quit. Your friends and family seem to think you should be "over it" already - and you do, too. The excitement of the first month is fading, your are more comfortable in your new life, and the craves have become more manageable. And THEN, the mother of all craves can hit you and seem to last forever. You are surprised,not prepared, and therein lies the problem! Expect it might happen, and be ready for it with the tools you found worked in the early days of your quit. Take a walk, play a computer game - change your mind's direction. It WILL pass, but it will require some effort on your part. This part of the journey WILL end - its length varies from person to person. My most difficult day was around 108, I think. I had a few spells, and then they stopped as quickly as they came. This site prepared me for it, so I was able to navigate it successfully.

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it online or at your local library. Here's a link to a video here on the site which describes nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance You can search for No Mans Land with the magnifying glass in the upper right hand corner and find tons of good information and peoples' experiences with it.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced. Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from where you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through the craves. You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game. Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time. You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits. Get busy! Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?" Then DO it. You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy
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Barbara145 Dec 20, 2018 10:06 AM
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Welcome! I smoked for 52 years. I tried to quit many times. My only long quit (more than a few days) was in 2000. I quit for 90 days. I was on patches and was seeing a physician weekly for counseling and support. I had stopped the patches. I had never stopped crying everyday. I could not let go. I drove through a bad snow storm to buy a CARTON of cigarettes. I continued to smoke until 2013 when I quit and found this site. Nicotine replacement, patches and gum for a year and this site was the answer for me. That was 5 years ago. Sure wish I had continued with that first 90 day quit. With my continuation of smoking I ended up with severe emphysema. Glad you found us.
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anaussiemom Dec 20, 2018 12:29 PM
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I had a 10 month relapse. I guess your guard has to be up, as well as mindset, and alas the dreaded pledge to ourselves. We are addicts, pure and simple, have to squish those thoughts anytime we need to.

Best wishes
Kim
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Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Dec 20, 2018 12:30 PM
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I understand your concern. After fighting for all that time just to cave in the end could never be fun. My past relapses were generally either long before ninety days or or way after, but for me, I knew I relapsed those first times mainly because I didn't really want to quit. I was toying with myself because in the end I was doomed to failure.

Don't get me wrong, even successful quitters didn't want to quit but still do. On my last successful quit eight years ago, I made sure that I was ready through a course of preparation where I learned my addiction and understood how I interacted with that addiction. It's always a good idea to know your enemy before going into battle, and that was the difference for me. And really you have first hand experience with going through the worst of the quit.

I think the first thing to do after a relapse is to determine what made you lose your quit. Exactly what were you thinking at the moment you caved. Then you can figure out what to do next time so that it doesn't happen again. If we continue to do the same things over and over again with the same results then that tells us we need to find something different to add to the mix and that starts with knowledge and learning all about the fight.

You haven't failed until you give up completely. I look forward to reading of your success!!

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck
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sweetplt Dec 20, 2018 2:28 PM
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This is my third quit (hmm? third ~ could be a charm) and I can't say I started smoking on my third month quit, but have because of drinking alcohol. That being said, I have learned through quitting that the 3's are hard. I am not sure why? The third day, the third week, the third month, the third year, etc., I have seen this in many quit smoking sites. I guess the best thing we can do is prepare for the "three's" in quitting. Every time that comes up or close...have a plan...and/or go through all reasons why you want this quit. I know ... easier said than done...but hey we have to eventually Quit...so call out to us when a three arises and let us talk you out of the smoke. You can get back on this horse and know you are so worth this quit...Gotcha in my thoughts...

Colleen aka sweetp
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Gwenivere Dec 20, 2018 6:38 PM
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I’m new to this, 3 weeks. Are you using any NRT's? I don’t want to go thru this ever again so I’m very interested in the replies here. I had my fears soothed about No Mans Land and now I am concerned again.
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- Youngatheart.7.4.12 @ Gwenivere on Dec 20, 2018 6:50 PM
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  Don't be concerned. These folks were not educated on what to expect and what to do. You have been. Don't be surprised, be prepared...just in case...and you will weather this just like you have the rest of your quit journey!
  Nancy
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Anyone here have smoking relapse are 90 days in?

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