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Give and get support around quitting

MaineCoast
Member

A Solitary Quit

Hello all!

I am looking for confidants. I have recently quit, 9 days strong.  I have not let anyone in my life know about it yet.  I have tried to quit about a million times before and let everyone in my life know each time.  Then each time I would relapse and immediately feel like a fool around all of those people I had told. I felt like it had gotten to a point where they were all just being kind but not really believing in me.  Who can blame them? My track record is anything but clean.  Please keep in mind, all of my friends and family are non-smokers.  Also, I guarantee if I did tell them they would be overjoyed for me.  This unwillingness to divulge the information is purely my own issue.  Or is it really an issue? I am struggling with this daily.  Thanks for listening ex community.  It’s nice to know you are here. 

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16 Replies
Giulia
Member

We are here indeed.  And we ALL know what you're going through because we've been through it ourselves in our own ways.  

Our quit journey is solitary in the sense that it's ours alone.  But here you will find many understanding souls.  And here you will not feel alone on that journey.  For we all shall a common denominator - that of addiction to cigarettes.

You're just afraid of failure, is all.  And afraid that you're crying wolf.  That's not quite the right term, but you know what I mean.  9 days is good.  When you have 100 days under your belt, you'll feel a lot better about shouting out your accomplishment to those non-smokers who love you.  But also, to shouting it out for yourself.  For when we blow our quits time and again, we feel like we're crying wolf to our own selves.  

Wanting acknowledgement for our accomplishments is normal.  But when we keep failing and asking yet again for the same rah rah's, it becomes hard for the person giving the rah rah's.  And some probably were being kind thinking "oh, here they again with another attempt, I wonder if they'll make it THIS time...."  And that's understandable, I think.  

So?  If you've quit a million times and told everybody each time - why NOT change things this time by not telling anybody?  Seems you've already altered your past norm by not telling your friends and family.   If something you've done in the past doesn't work, then it's GOOD to change the modus operandi.  You could even keep your silence as a test to see who notices first.  Or who notices not at all.  

But, you've told US!  You've confessed your success.  Egad!  (grin)  To my mind it's only an issue if YOU make it one for yourself.  The support here never ends.  This time can be your final quit.  How much you want it to be and how willing you are to put in the necessary work will be a clue as to your continued success.  

I can tell you this quit family really cares and wants you to be free of this burden and slavery.  We totally "get" the effects of this addiction and the difficulty in overcoming it.  

Stick around.  Glad you've joined us!  And congrats on the 9 days.  We also understand the effort that takes.

SaraCorinne
Member

9 days!  Good for you!  I was the opposite, I never told anyone of my previous quit attempts for fear of failing.  I would tell my husband and kids but that was it.  This time, I told everyone that I knew and some I didn't even know!  I think that held me accountable. This is absolutely THE BEST PLACE TO QUIT SMOKING!  As Giulia said, we ALL know what you're going through and we ALL have the same goal!  There really IS strength in numbers!  I wish you GREAT SUCCESS!  YOU CAN DO IT and WE'RE HERE TO HELP!  Welcome to the community!

Sara 

elvan
Member

I had about a million failed quits as well...fortunately, I had found EX several months before so I had a plan...I had read some blogs, I had done at least some preparation.  I like YoungAtHeart‌'s welcome to new people and I am going to paste it here.  I think you will find it helpful.  As far as telling people...that's entirely up to you.  I told everyone EXCEPT my youngest daughter because she was out of the country and I did not want to disappoint her AGAIN.  I had done that too many times before.  I waited until I had been quit for about three months and then told her and she was absolutely ecstatic, everyone was.  We are here, we will listen, advise, and support you.  The keys to a successful quit are education about this as an addiction, support from people who have been there, and commitment.  The first two are right here on this site, the third has to come from you.  No smoking, no matter what.  Go to the Daily Pledge and pledge each morning along with others who are also pledging One day at a time:The Daily Pledge November 2018 

What follows is Nancy YoungAtHeart‌ welcome:

Welcome to our community!

 

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it  or at your local library. Here's a link to a video here on the site which describes nicotine addiction:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.
 
You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-exhas lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance.  You should also do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site.
 
 After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort.  I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  I do not recommend the e-cigarette for three reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, and 3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire. . But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.
 
The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

 

 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

 

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.
 
Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!


 Nancy

Barbscloud
Member

Welcome to the Ex.  10 days today-welcome to the Double Digit Club.   I told everyone that would listen.  You're in good company because we've tried more than once.  Stay close to the site and reach out if you need help.

Barb

242 DOF

maryfreecig
Member

Welcome to Ex and congratulations on 9!  Placing yourself among quitters is a strong way to work your quit!  

YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome!

Congratulations on your decision to quit smoking and your fist nine days.

Stay close!  Read!  Participate!  WE will be your cheering squad.

Nancy

TW517
Member

I had the same question early in my quit.  Here's my post and all the responses to it:  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/thread/16019-anyone-else-keeping-their-quit-kind-of-a-secret 

MaineCoast
Member

Thank you so much for attaching the question that you had previously.  I read through all of the comments and it really helped.  Seems to me that you and I have the same thought process! It is really interesting and awesome how different we all are.  Some find telling people empowering while others don’t.  I definitely prefer people not knowing.  I like that I can be all in my head about it.  I actually started looking though this site yesterday, reading everything and just absorbing and it was the hardest day of my quit yet.  It’s better in my head sometimes because I’m not constantly reminded of it;)

YoungAtHeart
Member

Just as no two people are alike, what helps one may not another.  We say here,"take what you need and leave the rest."  Know that we stand ready to help - just ask!

Nancy