Hey, Kelly!! Congratulations on your 9 wonderful days smoke free!! That is really an accomplishment!!
As far as "I loved to smoke"... this is a controversial topic in quit-smoking circles. I think all of us at one time thought "But I really do love to smoke", which means that quitting is giving up something of value, something "we love doing", instead of running toward freedom.
Over time, I've come to realize that NO, I did not love "smoking".
1. I did love that relief from withdrawal that each new cigarette brought, withdrawal caused by the addiction and starting from the previous one I smoked.
2. I loved the "me time" entailed in the last few years, where I could sit and cogitate, plan out my next hour of the day, feel the relief from withdrawal as the "reward" for my last job well done, or break in the midst of a task.
3. I really did love the coffee and cigarettes, or drinks and cigarettes, when out with friends. Those days are long gone with no smoking in bars or coffee shops.
4. Again, the relief from withdrawal given by those first drags.... LOVED IT. That's what keeps addicts coming back for more.
5. The comfort of habit, like a warm blanket. The ritual of smoking. Habits are "home", they're comforting.
OK, for #1 and 4 (which are the same ) once you have gone beyond the physical addiction, the happy comfy smoker inside you has left the building, there is no "aahh" moment, and there is nothing but remorse.
#5. You can form new habits, picking up a book, playing games on the internet, learning to crochet or knit or needlework, sketching.
for 2 and 3... you can still have those parts of smoking you "loved". Just change them up to something you enjoy doing, or eating. You still get the breaks from work, you can still reward yourself for jobs well done, and you can still have me-time of doing nothing (smoking, without a cigarette... smoking is actually "doing nothing", no?) and it can be more enjoyable since you can breathe the fresh air and smell the flowers in spring and summer, and have no need to tolerate the cold, rain or snow in colder seasons.
I DID NOT LOVE:
1. The harshness in throat and burning of eyes.
2. The stink left over on everything, hands, hair clothing, car, carpets etc. etc. everything.
3. The time I took away from family and friends to go get a fix the last few years I smoked, and after quitting the realization that I really had been cramming my life into the moments between cigarettes, always looking forward to the next fix and not really enjoying the moment with loved ones.
I honestly feel that once you are down the road a bit, you will no longer feel that you really loved smoking, and you won't have to lie. I don't lie. I didn't love smoking, I liked all the other stuff that went with it. And those I still have.
