i dont know what to tell you

Discussion created by gayle2 on Sep 18, 2008
Latest reply on Sep 28, 2008 by tempest
OMG! Life is so intense. My dad has muscular dystrophy and hasnt walked since I was 6 or 7. Im 26 now and he is getting worse and my mom just got layed off. I should be in school or living on campus or living with a boyfriend or husband. Well I deliver pizzas and drive my mom where she needs to go. Just recently my parents were in a car accident and my dads knee is very badly bruised and has a hepatoma which is pockets of fluid around the knee. Its pretty bad and he needs surgery to remove it. My dad has a complicated health insurance. For years we have tried to get assistance at home to get him on the bed and on the scooter and help him use the bathroom. His life is so limited and my mom is so frusterated and depressed that she hits him and abuses him. I stopped her but that scared me. Nurses do the same when the family isnt around. My dad is helpless and nurses who dont know him personally dont know how to help him. Nobody knows. I work 40 hours my sister works 40 plus too and we live at home. I work and try to support my mom and dad. There vehicle isnt totalled but I dont know what we will do. In this world now is unacceptable. I have no health insurance and I had scoliosis surgery when I was 12 years old. I have used heroin since I was 18. My boyfriend just got tested for HIV and Hepatitis C and it was negative but he has migranes. I take pain killers and muscle relaxers and I will be on pills for the rest of my life. My life and spirit ended when I was 13. I have been depressed and down and out. What the hell more can I take? Smoking is like breathing since I was 15 or 16. I am slowly killing myself and I never thought I would live this long. I really wanted to overdose and go to the next world. I read the bible now for inspiration, and being Jewish has limited my knowledge of all religions. I would say I have been saved but I am open to anything to help my empty hopeless feelings.