I think we all react differently to quitting, just as there are different types of how we react to addiction. My wife, who still smokes three to four cigarettes a day got there and is kind of stuck, like you. The reality to me is that preparation can be confusing at best.
For me during my preparation, I was also down to four or five cigarettes a day. I used this time to learn my addiction for the day that I'd put out the last cigarette. Sadly, I think that as long as we feed them, those nicotine receptors that we created over all of those years stay just as strong as ever until we put out the last cigarette. It's just a sad fact of our addiction. And I think the reason your addiction accepted the huge drop in consumption was because deep inside, you knew you hadn't smoked your last cigarette yet.
Now that doesn't mean that you're not progressing! Getting down to that four smokes a day is a monumental achievement and right now I think you're doing the right thing by asking questions. I'm curious. Have and do you still track your urges and triggers? That was a huge help for me.
Preparation is about learning to understand ourselves as we relate to our addiction. It's about trying to see a life of freedom, something really hard for an addict to do because we spent so long convincing ourselves that life with cigarettes IS a "normal" life. I think we change our belief system in order to keep smoking. To convince ourselves that what we were doing was the right thing to do. And as such it takes time to retrain our minds to see through the cloud we created to remain addicted.
You've taken an important step. Please keep fighting. Keep learning and keep asking. I don't even know if I answered your question but I wanted to reply because you asked a question. Either way, just don't give up and keep looking inward. All I can say is that eventually you really can call a single cigarette your last. There's no way to completely lose our addictions without a fight and yes, a bit of internal discomfort. You really want to do this and as such, I think you will. Just try to stay focused on the main goal of nicotine cessation, and before long you'll be counting how many days you've been free!
One second at a time, we can become free! I look forward to hearing of your continued success! You can do it!!
ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!
Chuck
