Going Slowly Insane

Discussion created by Gwenivere on Oct 17, 2018
Latest reply on Oct 20, 2018 by elvan

I’ve been doing a gradual quit as posted in other conversations.  I’ve reached a point that I feel an almost never ending crave so am psyching myself up for the patch with lozenges as back up.  This withdrawal has highjacked my thinking, it’s all that is ever on my mind.  I’m forcing myself not to goggle ever little sensation to see if it is normal.  I don’t want to do anything but go to sleep and escape.  It’s even made my meds for the panic disorder less effective so it’s hard to go places I always did in comfort as it has me on edge constantly.  I’m always restless and time just drags by.   I’m so tired of the sweating feeling, tremors, irritability (almost outright anger) and head rushes.  Can’t concentrate well and no interest in anything.  I don’t know who this person is, but it’s not someone I’ve ever seen in myself.  


On the plus side I did find out my insurance will pay for nicotine replacements.  I’d been paying out of pocket and don’t have receipts for what I have bought so far.  Just have to message my doc for a formal letter to send in with stuff now.  Even tho I don’t even like the 3 cigs I have a day, it’s kinda frightening thinking they will be gone for good at this point.  I’m so tired of thinking of nicotine at all.  Maybe it’s a plus too that I can’t go back to smoking as I did because of the infection that has me on oxygen part of the day and overnight.  I just want to get to a place where nicotine just doesn’t matter anymore.  I hope I make it as this ongoing trip to there does make me feel I am losing my mind.  Or what’s left of it.  I could go hours without a smoke before because of laws, but I always knew eventually I could have that.  Time to wave bye bye to that.  


Sorry for the ramble, but it’s about all I am good for these days.