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Discouraging Questions

Question asked by Shumba on Oct 12, 2018
Latest reply on Dec 19, 2018 by virgomama

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Hi Fam, what is the most discouraging or weird question you have ever been asked on addiction?

I must confess that I am always judged about my addiction. The issue has been a nuisance and at some point I was even depressed as it is not anyone fault to be an addict. Everyone has their own side of the story on how they ended up being addicts. It is thus unfair for anyone to judge you before hearing your side of the story and what you are doing about it. The only place I find consolation is my family who have always stand by me throughout. I am now 1month sober and thanks to them I feel loved, appreciated and encouraged to continue.I am sure some of us have also undergone the same.

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Mommamich Oct 12, 2018 11:49 AM
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My only addiction has been smoking so as to other addictions I have no experience. I can say that I never considered tobacco an addiction but always wondered why people drank or did drugs. How hypocritical of me. Of course my husband nor my children smoke so they always looked at me with disgust as to my stupid choices. I guess we all judge what we don't understand.
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- Shumba @ Mommamich on Oct 12, 2018 1:51 PM
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  I like your thought. People are prone to pass judgement but they don't know what a person is going through
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elvan Oct 12, 2018 12:01 PM
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Congratulations on your month of freedom, I would have to say that the most discouraging thing ever said to me was said over and over again..."oh, you'll smoke again"..."how many times have you quit so far?" To be fair, I quit so many times that I lost track myself.

No one wants to be an addict...ever ask a kid what they want to be when they grow up and have them answer..."I want to be a junkie." NOPE

Ellen
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- Shumba @ elvan on Oct 12, 2018 1:52 PM
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  Thanks Elvan
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Barb102 Oct 12, 2018 12:03 PM
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Oh wow Ellen I’ve heard those things too. They made me want to prove them wrong. So I did. It doesn’t matter how many times you try to quit.all that matters is that you do for your sake and your loved ones
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Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Oct 12, 2018 1:31 PM
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The silliest question I'd ever been asked while quitting was from a co-worker who said, "I'm going out for a cigarette. Want one?"

I simply laughed at him and continued working, my point being that when we're in the middle of a quit, it completely consumes our minds. The entire world seems different to us. Unfortunately, no one around us really understands what's going on on the inside of us.

As such we tend to run into two things. The first being that nothing is different to those around us, so they say dumb things to us, usually before they even realized that they did.

The other thing that happens is that those who are still comfortable with their addictions or rather the fact that they don't intend to quit seem to be just a little jealous of the fact that we're working to improve our lives, and so they say stupid things to us. I Think when it comes to addicts, they're actively doing what we always did before we quit. They're protecting the addiction and concealing it from themselves and their internal realty in order to keep the shroud of addiction firmly in place. In order to reinforce what they are doing as they continue to smoke.

That's my take on it at least .Congratulations on a month!!

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck
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- Shumba @ Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 on Oct 12, 2018 1:53 PM
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  Thanks Chuck
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virgomama Oct 12, 2018 11:58 PM
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I haven't really been asked any questions, but I am surprised at how unaware people are of what you are going through when quitting an addiction. I only have experience with smoking, but I suspect that addiction to any substance has at least some similar qualities. I'm only 12 days into my quit, so every thought and action still circulates around my ex smoking. I feel raw about it and others in my world don't seem to notice. It's a strange experience I'm not quite sure how to explain.
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crazymama_Lori Oct 13, 2018 8:38 AM
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I've been addicted to nicotine for years. I've lived with heroin, meth, oxycodone addicts. I've also lived with alcoholics. We all have a story to tell. I received most of my insight from reading blogs from former and current alcoholics and drug dependent people. We all use for different reasons, covering the pain from sexual and physical abuse, poor self image, undiagnosed depression or other mental disorders or simply the main reason, it felt good, we kept doing it, now we don't know how to stop. In my case, I used smoking to be "cool" in adolescence, saw it only as a habit to break in my 20's and finally saw it as an addiction in my 30's. I always use the term dependence. But it became easier once I learned that I'm not that person that can only have it, do it, smoke it once every once in a while. I'm a person that once I do, I'm off and running with it. Addiction/dependence is not curable; it's manageable. See those questions as a teaching tool because maybe some day you may be saving another person's life by sharing your life story
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indingrl.01.06.2011 Oct 13, 2018 10:10 AM
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How long have you used the drug nicotine-i used at 5 years old pickng up cigarette butts off the street for MY grandma and used -smoking before i gave them to her-i collected them in a coffee can for her she rolled her own - i obeyed MY elders i didnt DARE not to do what i was told!!! I used MY drug nicotine 38 yrs-using all day 50 death sticks a day! ONLY BY GODS GRACE TODAY I AM A RECOVERING NICOTINE ADDICT! AMEN! Please take what helps and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim-thank you!
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jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Oct 13, 2018 12:36 PM
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First, congratulations on 30 days.
I don't believe quitting all addictions are the same.
Smoking isn't an incapacitating addiction in the same way heroin or alcoholism are.
What I mean is smoking isn't the extreme escape because you aren't smoking to black out.
This is why I believe smoking is the most ably unlearned of all addictions even though we did it more often.
It's something that can be broken down unlike damage to our psyche that makes people wish to escape, which I believe is more difficult to resolve.

I think this is why I try to help smokers.
I can see Quitting smoking is a process.
Heroin or alcohol addiction are quite different.

Just my opinion
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- maryfreecig @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Dec 7, 2018 9:38 AM
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  I see nicotine addiction as a silent addiction, but not easier than alcohol (other drugs I wouldn't know). Sober over 31 years since 1987. I also see addiction as not a hopeless situation in which I am made helpless and a victim. Recovery is the end game, and it's my business to work recovery rather than feel sorry for myself. Does seem to me that most quitters need support from other quitters to get beyond the dependency.
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jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Dec 7, 2018 11:15 AM
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I'm addicted to EVERYTHING

in moderation
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anaussiemom Dec 7, 2018 2:47 PM
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I don't believe anything is discouraging " about any question. Being we are all different, we will each have our own interpretation , though.

What yo said about your sobriety is just awesome!!

Hugs
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elvan Dec 7, 2018 4:53 PM
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The only question I found discouraging was the one..."Really? Do you think you can make it THIS time? How many times have you quit?" That one hurt my feelings even if it was justified. I am no longer asked that question, some people never even knew I smoked, THAT is pretty nice.

Hope you are doing well and that you make an appearance more often.
Ellen
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- DavesTime @ elvan on Dec 10, 2018 12:36 PM
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  Ellen, you said you were asked, "Really? Do you think you can make it THIS time? How many times have you quit?" As a closet smoker (of over 40 years!) no one asked me that. But after attempting to quit more times than I can count, I did ask MYSELF that question, in one form or another, many times. I truly was beginning to wonder if I would ever be able to quit. But...I stopped listening to that discouraging voice! I have quit; I now believe I CAN do this. I've been going through a few No Man's Land struggles this past week, but I'm not going to give in now!
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  - elvan @ DavesTime on Dec 10, 2018 3:05 PM
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    Many people knew I smoked and knew I tried to quit over and over again...it was a real merry go round. I knew this was the last time because I was so sick when I quit...I knew that the importance of breathing had finally reached my oxygen deprived brain. It was SO embarrassing to admit I started again every time I failed...particularly to my youngest daughter who turned out to be my biggest supporter.
    
    Yes, you CAN do this...nothing is made better by smoking. I should know after years and years of excuses.
    Ellen
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Gwenivere Dec 8, 2018 1:05 AM
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Someone once asked if I was stupid when they found out I smoked. I said do we REALLY want to get into human failings including yours? That ended that discussion.
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Barb102 Dec 8, 2018 3:50 PM
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I agree with Ellen after many tries I too was asked “do you really think you can quit this time”. Now I’m asked did you go back to smoking. It feels great to say NOPE
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virgomama Dec 11, 2018 8:54 PM
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During one of my earlier quit episodes when I relapsed and had taken up smoking again. I was commenting to a friend that I hated smoking and I should start thinking about quitting again. He said there is no thinking you just decide to quit and then you do. It's that simple. Well it wasn't that simple for me, obviously and I felt quite misunderstood. He did just that. Decided to quit, put down his pack and never picked it up. I guess this falls more in the comment than question category, but it left me with some hurt feelings.It just wasn't that easy for me or I didn't hve that much will,
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- elvan @ virgomama on Dec 12, 2018 10:54 PM
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  virgomama I have actually known a couple of people like that, I was NOT one of them. I lost track of how many times I quit...it was embarrassing, my excuses were pretty much the same every time..."If I could just get this pain under control, I KNOW I could quit." I knew that smoking didn't really help with my pain but it was the only thing I could say that sort of stopped the constant judgement that I felt whether it was there or not.
  
  This is a journey and there are no shortcuts...if there were, believe me, I would have FOUND them.
  Hugs,
  Ellen
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  - virgomama @ elvan on Dec 12, 2018 11:21 PM
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    My story is like yours elvan. Struggled for years and nothing was easy.Excuses galore. I think I have what I need now.
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    - elvan @ virgomama on Dec 12, 2018 11:48 PM
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      virgomama Me too...I was a slow learner but I've got it THIS time, FINALLY.
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      - virgomama @ elvan on Dec 12, 2018 11:58 PM
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        Let's hear it for slow learners. Tortoise or hare, does not matter. Getting there does. I think I've got this too this time. I'm still too early to be completely confident, but I'm in the 90% confident range.
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        DavesTime @ virgomama on Dec 13, 2018 10:40 AM
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        Add me to the slow learner group. Excuses, attempts, failures, procrastinate, attempt, excuse....for years! I think some people can up and quit, but obviously I'm not one of them, nor, I would guess, are most of the rest of us who have found our way to EX. I've always been pretty strong-willed, except when it came to quitting smoking. Does a number on one's self-esteem, so I tried to put it out of my mind and kept on smoking. Not anymore! vigomama, I think right now I'm with you in the 90% confident range, too.
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        Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 @ DavesTime on Dec 13, 2018 12:33 PM
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        DavesTime I was what one would call a slow learner as well. The only difference is that when I was smoking, I was smoking. When I wanted to quit, I was quitting and I pretty much always just bought some patches and started my attempt, never really giving the process much thought and giving in to myself every time as well.
        
        But this last quit was different. This time when I felt the intense fear of the "process" I knew I'd need some time to wrap my head around what I intended to do if I was going to be successful and so even with my prep, I took my time. That was almost eight years ago and I'm still free. As virgomama said, how we get there isn't as important as the fact that we do get there.
        
        Chuck
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        virgomama @ Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 on Dec 19, 2018 6:17 AM
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        I felt that fear too Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011. I agree it was the planning and taking my time that made this quit successful. I tried to make it as easy on myself as I could. So far it's worked.
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Gwenivere Dec 11, 2018 10:52 PM
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Ouch, Virgo. Guess some people have that kind of will. But as seen here, most us minions have a hard time. Did your friend mention it got hard or was this an ego kinda thing? As I’ve shared my journey with people I run into, I have yet to see anyone not wince and say.....go gawd, it was soooooo hard. Only heard from people that weren’t really smokers that had no,problem. The kind that try a cig a few times and don’t like it. That’s not addiction.
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- virgomama @ Gwenivere on Dec 12, 2018 11:17 PM
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  He really gave no mention of his process. I think it was like that for him. He just quit. Don't know if internally it was hard or not. Back then smoking wasn't really understood like it is now. All I know is I was really frustrated because it wasn't like that for me.
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