elvan, I wanted to let you know that I was able to sit on the porch and do a puzzle this morning with coffee and a bottle of bubble stuff! LOL I blew bubbles and didn't care even when my sister came out and gave me a puzzled look. My bubbles now live where I used to keep the ashtray on the porch. Lookin good out there!
My goal today is to not overeat. I gave in yesterday. I made cupcakes and froze most of them, and I had a bagel. Plus, we had burgers from Burger King last night for dinner. I made the decision to indulge for one day. I still have 26 pounds to lose and don't want to let my quit get in the way.
I'm feeling pretty confident today, but don't want to let my guard down. Not smoking is front and center with everything I do still. I'm having "argh" moments once in a while and my mind is playing games with me (oh, I can smoke next time I drive a long distance and not worry about it; oh, I can smoke when I play cards and it won't matter; oh, I can smoke ...... and it won't matter) and I'm constantly squelching those thoughts. They're part of the Junkie Thinking routine.
Speaking of Junkie Thinking - I'm sure most of you have seen this, but if not, it's worth a read:
From the Alt Stop Smoking newsgroup:
JUNKIE THINKING: "One Puff won't hurt"
RESPONSE: "One puff will always hurt me, and it always will because I'm not a social smoker. One puff and I'll be smoking compulsively again."
JUNKIE THINKING: "I only want one."
RESPONSE: "I have never wanted only one. In fact, I want 20-30 a day, every day. I want them all."
JUNKIE THINKING: "I'll just be a social smoker."
RESPONSE: "I'm a chronic, compulsive smoker, and once I smoke one, I'll
quickly be thinking about the next one. Social smokers can take it or leave it. That's not me!"
JUNKIE THINKING: "I'm doing so well, one won't hurt me now."
RESPONSE: "The only reason I'm doing so well is because I haven't taken the first one. Yet once I do, I won't be doing well anymore. I'll be smoking again."
JUNKIE THINKING: "I really need to smoke now, I'm so upset (or depressed, or whatever)."
RESPONSE: "Smoking is not going to fix anything. I'll still be upset or
depressed or whatever, I'll just be an upset/depressed smoker. I never have to have a cigarette. Smoking is not a need, it's a want. Once the crisis is over, I'll be relieved and grateful I'm still not smoking."
JUNKIE THINKING: "I'll just stop again."
RESPONSE: "Sounds easy, but who am I trying to kid? Look how long it took me to stop this time. And once I start, how long will it take before I get sick enough to face withdrawal again? In fact, when I'm back in the grip of compulsion, what guarantee do I have that I'll ever be able to stop again?"
JUNKIE THINKING: "If I slip, I'll keep trying."
RESPONSE: "If I think I can get away with one little "slip" now I'll think I can get away with another little "slip" later on. And the slipping will get stronger and the trying will get weaker"
JUNKIE THINKING: "I need one to get me through this withdrawal."
RESPONSE: "Smoking will not get me through the discomfort of not smoking. It will only get me back to smoking. One puff stops the process of withdrawal and I'll have to go through it all over again."
JUNKIE THINKING: "I miss smoking right now."
RESPONSE: "Of course I miss something I've been doing every day for most
of my life. But do I miss the chest pains right now? Do I miss the worry,
the embarrassment? I'd rather be an ex-smoker with an occasional desire to
smoke, than a smoker with a constant desire to stop doing it."
JUNKIE THINKING: "I'm Bored"
RESPONSE: Smoking is an "activity" or "something to do" only for smokers.
I'm really not "doing" anything when I smoke except still sitting/standing
there. The rest of the world survives occasional boredom quite well without inhaling life-challenging chemicals.
JUNKIE THINKING: "But they've been smoking on TV and in the movies for
years! There are even magazines devoted to tobacco products!
RESPONSE: "That's right. They were on TV for years, I wasn't. I'm still
alive; many of them aren't and they departed this vale of tears in prolonged and painful ways. And the smiling faces in the magazines now are risking painful and disfiguring surgery later, at which point they won't be smiling at all."
JUNKIE THINKING: "It's so nice to go out for a 'breath of fresh air' and a
RESPONSE: "Fresh air? I've got to be kidding. And face it, sunny days are
one thing, but how many days do I huddle out in the rain with the rain
hitting the cigarette and turning the cigarette paper that disgusting yellow color? How many times is it windy and it takes forever to keep a match or lighter lit long enough to light the cigarette, and then how often does a gust of wind come up and blow the ashes into my eyes? And when it's icy outside, freezing my face off is bad enough, but when it defrosts, there's this bizarre yellow condensation around my nostrils. Now THAT'S attractive."
JUNKIE THINKING: "Smoking makes work go faster."
RESPONSE: "Most jobs where you work indoors are in companies which ban
smoking in the workplace. Some companies won't hire me if I smoke. And every time I stop for a smoke it actually prolongs my work, since I'm not busy accomplishing it."
JUNKIE THINKING: "Let's face it. I am a smoker. I always will be."
RESPONSE: "The truth is that you're not a smoker. The only thing that smokes is the cigarette. You are the sucker though for falling for the belief that you cannot live without the habit of inhaling smoke. If everyone who believed at one time they were forever doomed to smoke then places like AS3 would not exist."