Here comes a gardener's RANT.
So every time I go out to the barn to water the vegetables, there is my garden hose splayed out on the ground looking exactly like a great black snake with a yellow stripe down it's back. Kind of like this... without the eyes and the red protruding tongue.
But otherwise it's pretty darn similar. And even though I know it's a hose, it still makes me step back and think "IS it?" When you've had so many garter snakes in your garden and so many black snakes, you do tend to take that step back.
Who designed these things? Why did they design it black with a stripe????? Were they just being cute? Were they ignorant? Did they want to torture us? If I remember I'll put up a picture of our current hose, and you'll understand better what I'm talking about. It's like WTF? Could you just make the hose bright red or yellow or something OTHER than looking like a frickin SNAKE?!!! I'm telling you this hose looks like a snake. I'm NOT out of my mind. Though I grant you sometimes I am.
Here's another thing that garden implement creators do, which is so fricking STUPID to a real gardener. ME.
I take out a minimum of three, a general maximum of five gardening tools when I'm working in my garden. (If I don't take out the five, I will ALWAYS regret it because I'll have to go back for the others. lol) There's the digger for the itty bitty stuff, that delicate thing that can plunge in next to a baby new growth without tearing up its fragile root foragings. Now I use a flat headed screw driver for that. Then there's the more serious longer true garden digger. Then there's the claw *** hatchet. (Jive just considered c um hatchet was a bad word and asterisked it out, dear Lord, sigh - I mean c um as the latin term "with" let's try cuum hatchet. That will probably work.) Then the scissor and the clipper which the scissor can't handle. But every implement you go to buy in the lawn and garden section of Lowes or any other store - they all have green handles. Like, wow, let's make a garden tool with a green handle because, well, people are out in their gardens and working with GREEN things and so let's make it green. NOT!
I lose my garden tools on a minute by minute basis. Kind of like losing quits, I guess, for some. Ahem. Happily I don't do that any more. The relapse thing anyway. The other thing - oh yeah. Even though I try to remember to paint my tool handles bright yellow every year or so.
But seriously - I'll be out there using the scissors to dead head, or whatever - put them down, go on to another very close section to weed with a different tool and the scissors have disappeared. Voila. Magic. I haven't moved more than 6' away (Nancy I KNOW you're listening! lol) and yet the scissors have disappeared. Or the digger has disappeared. Most times I will go back to look. Serious looking. Most times I do everything I can to find the damn scissors or digger or whatever it is that had just been lost two minutes before. I know I'm not alone in this. Please tell me I'm not.
And so I think, well maybe it was just under the weeds, I've just grabbed it up up in all the weeds and cuttings I've put into the wheelbarrow. And so then when I go to empty the wheel barrow, I have to take it out bit by bit so that I can find the item, should it be there. Feeling through it all with my glove bit by bit to see if I can feel anything long and sharp or something that resembles a "tool" .... And NEVER have I EVER taken up a tool by mistake in the detritus of weeding or clippage or....I have NEVER mistakenly thrown out a damn tool, yet I have FOREVER taken the time to carefully examine what I'm tossing into the compost heap. Am I alone in that? No.
Did the people who designed these garden tools - were they gardeners? Did THEY go through any of this? Couldn't be true. (Did people who design quit sights ever go through quitting smoking themselves? Hmmm.) Garden tools should be BRIGHT COLORS so you can FIND THEM!!! Because as every gardener out there knows, you constantly lose your tools because they are GREEN and they look just like the green stuff your working with.
Several weeks or a month will go by and I'm back to working in my garden in a particular area I haven't been in a while, and suddenly I'll come across a tool I was missing for - ever so long. (There's actually an analogy there for some with their quits.) And I am ELATED to find it!
But my point is: WHY THE HELL DON'T THEY PAINT GARDEN TOOLS IN BRIGHT COLORS so that we can find them???!!!! Makes sense to MY mind.
Rant over. Hope it provided a giggle or two or at least a distraction.