This is something I wrote two months into my quit back in 2006:
THE POSSIBILITY DOOR
I haven't chosen not to smoke. Not really. If I had, I wouldn't have to fight the demon every day. It's because I've left the Possibility Door ajar in my mind. The door that I could walk through at any time and return to smoking. The demon knows this and keeps curling his bony, crooked finger, beckoning through that dark crack, tickling, torturing, coaxing, wearing me down.
But I'm on the side with the angel.
On the other side is the old me that smoked. And there too is the same Possibility Door. But from that side it's the possibility of quitting. And for those on that side it too is ajar. And the angel knows this and keeps shining the light through the crack and beckoning with gossamer wings, full of hope, tickling, coaxing, urging, praying.
It's a swinging door with well lubricated hinges. On one side the demon of slavery, on the other the angel of freedom.
One can walk from demon to angel and from angel to demon. We have free will and it's a choice we make.
What I must do now that I've walked into the light, is close the door behind me, lock it, throw away the key, and put up a barricade of such magnitude that the Possibility Door becomes a misnomer - from this side."
Which side are you on?
(Addendum 7/13/17 - Since I wrote this I have long ago closed the door on the possibility of smoking and the door is now sealed tightly shut with over 11 years (4152 days) of being smoke free. The demon did not wear me down and his power has faded.)
Replies to This Discussion
ManOfSteele Permalink Reply by ManOfSteele on May 10, 2008 at 7:15pm
what a cool story .... and usually I need pictures to keep me entertained ...
I do have to admit I went straight to the last chapter and then I needed to find out why I made a smart choice to walk down a different street.
Reply by Giulia on July 24, 2008 at 4:47pm
You stay on that pothole free street, lovely one. 68 glorious smoke free days! Proud of you I am.
Reply by polly on July 24, 2008 at 5:34pm
Giulia, your story is beautiful and touching! Often, when I meditate, I imagine a metal box. That metal box holds all of my thoughts and is then locked up until the end of my meditation! I see a lot of similarity here! The autobiography by Portia Nelson is awesome as well (of course the picture is too)! We all have choices and decisions to make that nobody else can do for us. I'm so ecstatic to be able to throw away the key and to walk the road less traveled. Stumbling on the worn and beaten road over and over again is no longer a choice, simply because it leads to a place called nowhere!! Thanks for putting this up -- I loved it!!
Reply by Giulia on July 24, 2008 at 5:54pm
Oh how I wish I had a metal box to lock some of my thoughts up in. Especially at night when I can't get to sleep. It's non stop chatter! I'll have to try that. Thanks.
Reply by Mike in @lanta on July 25, 2008 at 11:15am
WOW Guilia...just WOW!
I would say I was 3 months into my quit when I locked that door. That was the time that I accepted being an addict & knew in my heart of hearts that smoking would no longer be a part of my life. Not even a possibility. I would no longer HAVE to smoke. I gained a peace at that time also just from being so comfortable with my decision. I still have the occasional smoking dream & anger sometimes turns my head to listen to Nic. But I know that being an addict means that deep down those thoughts will dwell & remain dormant until I give them reason to surface. They can't come up without my help. So as I try to become a better human being I'm forever pushing them deeper into that forgotten zone of my mind.
Thank you for this post.
Reply by Giulia on July 25, 2008 at 4:27pm
Yes, when you close and lock that door, there come a peace. You put it all very well, Mike. Let us never give them reasons to surface.
Reply by Jennie on March 1, 2009 at 9:29pm
What an awesome way of putting things !
Reply by Giulia on March 1, 2009 at 9:40pm
Well if you've searched this far down the blog list, you're doin' your research, lady! It's an ongoing journey. Glad you found this part of it useful. Stay free!
Reply by Jennie on March 1, 2009 at 9:55pm
Yeah I love reading sometimes I come here and do nothing but....
Reply by Cindy O. on April 14, 2009 at 5:00am
I love this, you are a blessed person to be able to write nuggets of pure gold wisdom such as this!!! Thanks, this will help me and my friends stay sober, clean, and off smokes today! God Bless You & Yours, Cindy O.
Reply by Giulia on April 14, 2009 at 9:38am
Every day is a new day with different wonders and woes coming at us. So every day we need to latch on the positives. Glad you're here, Cindy. Stick around!