I just keep failing. Please help

[tessoshea]

I had 40 days at the beginning of June. I worked out, I went for walks, I read, I came to the sight, I breathed, I didn't drink alcohol ( trigger), I talked to myself a lot about how good it was and that quitting was the most important thing in my life. It felt good.  Had a crisis ( who doesn't) and bought cigarettes. Did another quit, traveled to help a friend, didn't think much of smoking. I live alone in a town where I know only one person who I never see. I have no friends here.   As soon as I got home I saw someone smoking, bummed one, and have since bought a pack. I smoke when I am alone. I somehow imagine it is my only friend. I am waiting to hear about a new job and am alone too much. This time was just 17 days. 

I am going to re-do my quit date and start again this weekend.   I feel horrible and feel like NO ONE is the addict that I am. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I am mad, I hate myself.  I have a health issue and smoking is ridiculous and dangerous. I have avoided this sight, but I realize it is the key for me.  That little monkey just gets the best of me. 

I have Allen Carr's book and will re read it tonight and tomorrow.  I have patches, I have gum and straws.  I felt so good and so confident after just a few days the first time.  I had moments, of course, but I made it through.  I guess I just don't know HOW to beat the triggers.  I have cried hourly since I bought them. I have since thrown them out but it is morning. 

I think I just have to get over it, start my quit again, and move forward. 

Please let me know your thoughts. # I am miserable.

[SimplySheri]

Sometimes you have to be your own best friend, tessoshea‌.  You want to quit but haven't committed to quit.  Once you do, you will not smoke come hell  or high water.  The good thing is that you do have it in you to have your forever quit!!  You can become a part of your community so you aren't lonely.  Join a club, a church, or a team.  Volunteer somewhere.  Strike up a conversation with a neighbor.  Turn your attention away from smoking and towards something that actually benefits you.  You can!!

Sheri

[desiree465]

You need to except the fact that quitting can be absolutely miserable at times. Sometimes your quitting tools will save you but other times you may have to white knuckle it a bit. This is how we fine tune our quitting tools because those times that you struggle even when you are using your tools and they don't help just means that you need to change something. Does that make sense? It's really hard to quit and you have to change around your routine and sometimes even change your arsenal of tools. The one consistent thing for me at least was coming on here and talking it out by blogging. You're gonna be ok don't give up. 

[maryfreecig]

     You've been pretty clear about what has gotten you down, what went well or ok, what didn't. Thanks for posting. I've come to believe that there is a solution to every problem. But I have to be a part of the solutions I'm wanting. It isn't always easy when fear or helplessness take over. It's not wrong to feel this way, just take time to look for some kind of solution, and to get past the ugly feelings.  Also, try to avoid cures for life (like how to quit forever today) it's just one day at a time. Big hug, great job showing up here...keep that kind of work going! Yes you can.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

I am sorry that you are feeling so bad about your "slip". Since you are early on in your quit you can lose it if you are still "trying" to do this alone. This is a community that helps each other.  We can be your friend if you allow it.  Come here BEFORE you smoke and we will give it our best to help you get through the tough times.  Sometimes quitting is like spaghetti, you have to keep throwing it up against the wall until it sticks to make sure it is done.  This is no reason for you to give up.  Review the mistakes that you made and rewind what you should do the next time the situation appears itself because it will come again and again.  You have to get past it by making a committment not to make EXcuses to smoke.  Let's get this quit to stick.  Stay close, you are not alone. 

[YoungAtHeart]

Have a PLAN for what you will do in different situations.  If you think it will help, write it down.  When you are bored and lonely what can you do?  Well, you can come to this site and read or reach out to hear from someone, you can go for a walk, or play a computer game.  You might keep a crossword puzzle book or jigsaw handy, or get a coloring book and markers to work on.  Do NOT just sit and think....get BUSY!  This takes effort in the early days, but it IS doable.

Commit to not having another cigarette again NO MATTER WHAT. 

Excuses are like butt holes - everybody has them!!!

[SimplySheri]

Lol, Nancy, you just made me spit coffee  

[Barbscloud]

I wish we had some magic formula to make it easier (I'd use it too), but there isn't.  This is hard work and really takes a commitment on your part to make it happen.  You're no more an addict than anyone else.  I'm sorry that you are so alone. That's not a good place to be.   Self-pity is the root of a lot of addictions and is a great trigger for relapsing.  We've all been there for one reason or another.  But, you can make this work anyway.   I have lots of crap in my life and if you read other Exer's posts, none of us are unique.  It's learning to live through the sadness, anger, happiness, etc without smoking.  You need to replace those behaviors and thoughts with other activities.  I'm still learning.  You need to take advantage of the support on this site, especially early on in your quit.  There are wonderful people here that have helped me save my quit several time.   If you need help, reach out when you need it.  40 days is quite an accomplishment.  Certainly something to be proud.  Get on the Ex and celebrate those events.  It makes a world of difference.  Are you taking the daily pledge each day?  It's such a positive way to start your day and committing to one day at a time.   Hope we hear from soon.

Barb

136 DOF

[elvan]

Quitting is hard work, it is a journey, one day at a time...often that is too long to try to comprehend.  How about one hour or one minute. It sounds to me like you clearly WANT to quit but you have not made a full fledged commitment to yourself or to quitting.  You do need to accept the fact that cigarettes are only the friends of big tobacco.  If your friend is holding a gun to your head letting you know that he or she can pull the trigger at any time...is that a friend?  I smoked for 47 years but I have been free now for over 4 1/2 years.  It is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  There is no way that I could possibly have done it without this site.  I came here every single morning and every single evening and I read blogs, I commented, I asked questions, I listened to advice.  I do not think this is easy but I DO think that you can do it if you commit to it and if you reach out here and let EX be your friend for now...we need to work on the in person friends later.  Right now, you need to take care of yourself.  No one can quit FOR you but no one can make you smoke either.  DO pay attention to all of the comments above...every single person here has been where you are...at the beginning and every single person here wants you to succeed.  Your mantra needs to be NOPE, Not One Puff Ever.  Smoking does nothing FOR you but it sure can do a lot TO you and none of it is good.

Best to you,

Ellen

[freeneasy]

Feeling bad is understandable and its hard to change your feelings. The way to quit and stay quit is to believe smoking is not your only friend it's your worst enemy. The way to quit and stay quit is to believe that no matter what happens in your life (negative or positive) smoking does not fix or make anything better.  Move forward be confident that quitting is the best thing you can do for yourself-it is really.  You can't erase smoking thoughts completely but you can change your thinking and convince yourself you're way better of being an ex-smoker who wants to smoke once in a while than a smoker who always thinks about quitting. Just think of prior quits as trial runs and learning experiences. You can quit. Give it time. You can quit. 

How to Quit Smoking for Good