on Nov 21, 2009
IT'S A WEDDING, A BIRTHDAY, A SPORTING EVENT WIN, A JOB LANDED, A LOTTERY NUMBER THAT CAME IN BIG. IT'S WHEN YOU ARE ON TOP OF THE WORLD AND YOU WANT TO GO EVEN HIGHER. AND YOU REACH NOT FOR THE GOAL OF REMAINING SMOKE FREE, BUT FOR THAT CIGARETTE. YOU'LL JUST SMOKE ONE FOR THE CELEBRATION. YOU WON'T REALLY ENJOY IT, BUT CAPTAIN HOOK WILL HAVE GRABBED YOU AGAIN.
AND A PS IN 2020 - YES EVEN CELEBRATING A QUIT MILESTONE CAN BE A TRIGGER. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???!!!! I do, because I've been there. The Celebration Crave
Please read the responses to this original post. Some may be illuminating.
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(NOTE: THIS IS THE ENTIRE DIALOGUE FROM THE ORIGINAL EX SITE. PLEASE LEAVE ALL POSTS ON THIS TOPIC HERE.)
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Sue Permalink Reply by Sue on May 9, 2008 at 1:59pm
It's funny how we can tell ourselves that a cigarette will add to the pleasure of the moment.....it's part of the insanity of smoking addiction....I have something to be so happy about so let me celebrate by doing something that's eventually gonna kill me? How is it that our minds can go there so quickly and we can make it seem so rational?
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on May 9, 2008 at 6:15pm
Because we've lost our minds, obviously. Our minds are literally altered by nicotine. It adds receptors and connections that weren't there before. It messes with us. But WE have more power than IT!
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John C. Permalink Reply by John C. on November 15, 2008 at 8:21am
Remember to "back-pedal" those rationalizations... (thoughts which make "sense" of destructive or bad behaviors). Use positive thoughts like:
"I can enjoy this moment JUST as it is"
"Life is great, let us bask in it"
"Boy, I am thankful for this moment!"
And, just as Giulia wrote, this is an addiction, and can be overcome by the better and more constructive sides of ourselves. Remember that what you said is important, essentially that SMOKING kills! I try to remember THAT at the beginning of a craving, but like to "ease-up" on myself after the craving goes away -- not a very long time.
Above all, enjoy life! Read, EXERCISE, listen to some favorite music or favorite radio station, flip through a magazine, keep a JOURNAL or diary, and bask in every little victory you have over cigarettes!
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Dian Permalink Reply by Dian on May 10, 2008 at 10:21am
Sue, my mind has been playing unfairly all day......... I think it's mostly because my mom-in-law is an ex-smoker of many years and she goes on so about the smell and stink and yadda yadda yadda........ maybe the urge to smoke is just to flip my thumb at her LOLOL but believe me, I know that not smoking is for me and no one else but my kids and hubby, living longer for them is part of my reason to remain smoke free........... but man, do I want to smoke today....... and it's only day 4 so far.
yea Giulia, you are my cheerleader, keep us strong, nic's a bad person, we DON'T WANT NIC AROUND!!! LOLOL
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on May 10, 2008 at 3:13pm
but man, do I want to smoke today....... and it's only day 4 so far\
Uh uh, get rid of that thinking right now. It's only day four so far, meaning "boy do I have a lot more days to suffer through.." NO. Change your thinking to this mode: "Boy, do I want a smoke today. But I'm on my 4th day, glory hallelujah!, and it's gonna get easier every day!" Try and catch the negatives when they happen and turn them into positives. Day four is fantastic!
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Dian Permalink Reply by Dian on May 11, 2008 at 3:19pm
hehehe, well, even with my way of thinking, I passed through yesterday with no smokes and today, day 5, I still smoke free and actually enjoyed being a non-smoker........ hallelujah!!!!
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on May 11, 2008 at 8:55pm
Yeeeeeaaaahhhh! Too cool.
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ckoalaco Permalink Reply by ckoalaco on May 12, 2008 at 9:58am
Oh Dian... I'm so proud of you!!! You're doing GREAT!!!
Peggy
I have been quit for 3 Years, 3 Months, 1 Week, 1 Day, 13 hours, 57 minutes and 54 seconds (1,193 days). I have saved $4,475.92 by not smoking 35,807 cigarettes. I have saved 4 Months, 4 Days, 7 hours and 55 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 2/3/2005 10:00 PM - Not so much as one drag since!!
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on June 6, 2008 at 9:34pm
I went to my cousin's daughter's wedding a week ago. I was in a car going to the church with two of my other cousins, one of whom smoked. I LOVE the smell of cigarette smoke. She lit up in the car -asked me first if it was ok, 'cause she knew I'd quit. I said, "Sure, as long as you open the window."
And I wanted one SO BAD at that moment. At that moment. I'm a 2 year three month quitter and I still wanted one. It's the way it is. But I did nothing about that craving. And the moment passed. It would have been so easy to just say "Ah, give me one. Just one. I'll just smoke it in the car with you and then it'll all be forgotten." WRONG! I can imagine myself now, had I done that. First of all I would then have been thinking about cigarettes all through the wedding. And even if I did manage to smoke only that one, I'd be sitting here right now consumed with wanting another. It would be niggling away in my brain.
When you make smoking a non-option, life becomes much much easier. You accept the fact that you will occasionally have cravings, but that you will never ever give in to them. Because you don't do that silly thing any more. You have learned to always say NO to the teasing trickster in you mind. And you are free.
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Mike in @lanta Permalink Reply by Mike in @lanta on August 4, 2008 at 4:45am
This is my favorite bump of all time Guilia.
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Mike in @lanta Permalink Reply by Mike in @lanta on August 4, 2008 at 4:45am
We love to reward ourselves. I would reward myself every chance I got. Well I took out the trash, I deserve a smoke. I mowed the lawn, I deserve a smoke. I cleaned the gutters, I deserve a smoke. I'm rewarding myself for things that I should be doing anyway. I'll reward myself by killing myself. How INSANE!
My reward now is truly enjoying my family & the added years that cessation has given me.
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on August 17, 2008 at 5:33pm
(This was a post by Sharon that I copied and put here - with her permission.)
"I had a 6 year quit going and relapsed - and I didn't even have an 'excuse'.
It was a gorgeous day, my dogs had just earned new titles and ribbons, we had just spent the entire weekend with good company, running in agility and helping out; I was relaxed and happy. I was driving home, stopped at a gas station and for no good reason bought a pack; 2 years later I am again quitting.
Yes, my guard was down but it was I who made a wrong choice. So, as you say, quitting is not the hardest part, but staying quit .. and never believing that 'just one' prompting. That is the hardest part for me."
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Dawn Permalink Reply by Dawn on August 18, 2008 at 4:13am
This trap is the one I fear the most. Many of my family members smoke. Some have quit over the years, but our parties are geared to accomodate smokers. We usually get together very often, and I'm dreading the next invite. I haven't told anyone in my family that I've quit. It's only been 7 days and I don't want to deal with the pressure of other people knowing and asking questions. Anyway, I am terrified of the first get together that I attend as an ex. So many times I have relapsed on the weekend or in a social situation. I am trying to psyche myself out before the time comes. I'm glad to read that I am not the only one who feels the need to smoke in a crowd.
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Mike in @lanta Permalink Reply by Mike in @lanta on August 18, 2008 at 4:37am
Hi Dawn. I actually missed a family Christmas get together my first couple of months. By the time Easter rolled around I was ready for anything. Now I've been smoke free for three years, ten months, two weeks, three days, 7 hours, 35 minutes and 34 seconds....35...36...37...38...39...
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Dawn Permalink Reply by Dawn on August 18, 2008 at 5:23am
Yeah, I'm afraid I might have to miss a party or two. My mother will likely take it personally, but she'll just have to find a way to accept my absence! I cannot wait to say it's been three years! Wow, almost four years. Good for you!!!
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on August 18, 2008 at 8:23am
Dawn, you've gotta protect that quit of yours at all costs. The first month is the most fragile time.
When you ARE ready to have your family and friends know about your effort here, I would advise asking them not to let you bum one no matter how you try to cajole them into it. Even if they think at that moment it might mean the end of the friendship if they were to refuse you. If they love you, they won't feed your habit.
And don't forget, if you're getting crave crazy during a party, you can always just walk outside away from the crowd for the moments the craving is washing over you.
Congratulations on your week free. Stay so.
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Dawn Permalink Reply by Dawn on August 18, 2008 at 10:30am
thanks for the encouragement!
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Brandy Permalink Reply by Brandy on September 3, 2008 at 7:51am
I gotta tell ya. I have been there so many times. About 2 or 3 weeks into my (now 8 weeks) quit I had a "girls day at the lake" event and my girls all smoke. so I worried and then I envisioned how it would be for me not to smoke. I pictured them smoking and me not, how I would handle myself and still enjoy myself. At first they were a little uncomfortable around me, I gotta tell ya, the 2nd hand smoke was actually quite relaxing and that made them feel at ease about it. I didn't think about it or talk about it, or complain. I just didn't even let it be an option. It made it easier. Too much thought about it could have caused me to give in. I was sooooo proud of myself.
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shortpants Permalink Reply by shortpants on November 15, 2008 at 7:04am
OK, so here's a crazy story. A little more than a year ago I was trying to quit and actually doing rather well. I made it to a month (my longest quit to date) which ended up being the same day as my birthday. I had traveled out to Chicago with a friend of mine and we were celebrating. We had been drinking (bad idea) and I thought to myself, "self, you have done such a good job of quitting. You made it a whole month! You deserve a cigarette for not smoking for a whole month!" Boy, was that stupid. I bought a pack, had one cig and hated the way it tasted, the way it felt in my throat and lungs, the way it smelled. I did not enjoy it one bit. But that stupid pack of smokes cost $8 in Chicago and I am cheap, so I finished the pack. Made it another 5 days when the weekend was over, and that was it. Now, a year later when I SHOULD be celebrating an awesome, long, year+ quit, I am only on Day 5.
But you know what? I'm on Day 5 of cold turkey, cigarette-free and nicotine-free and that's not bad!
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John C. Permalink Reply by John C. on November 15, 2008 at 8:51am
shortpants-
You're right, Day 5 is great, especially completely nicotine-free! I am on Day 2 right now and I feel great about it! One lapse is not so bad- how much would you have smoked over the course of that year? more than one pack, I assume! Can't wait to hear that you've gone another year yet!
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on March 9, 2009 at 9:46am
Since we've been talking about this trap on the comment wall, I'm moving this up.
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Libby Permalink Reply by Libby on March 9, 2009 at 4:13pm
Guilia, I love your post. I always want a cigarette more when I'm happy and celebrating and never could understand that. Today iI had a little Spring Fever driving home from work and I thought about a cigarette to celebrate Spring. What's up with that kind of thinking???
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barbara Permalink Reply by barbara on March 9, 2009 at 4:19pm
i know what you mean Libby, it has been beautiful here to day and i though it would be nice to have a cig. i pushed the thought a way
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on March 10, 2009 at 10:55am
I don't know what's up with that kind of thinking, but it sure happens all the the time, don't it? Very annoying! We want a cigarette as a reward for an accomplishment. Which is a mini celebration of sorts. The truth is, we want a cigarette all the time. As a reward, to take a break, to calm us down, to lift us up, to ease our heartaches, to make us feel good, to make us forget the bad, to enable us to cope with any and all emotions that bombard us on a daily basis. We want a cigarette simply because we are addicted to them. Those who have never smoked, have no need of them whatsoever for all those reasons WE come up with. Only smokers Need or Want a cigarette. Only smokers "can't live without them." And yet we can't live with them. A double edged sword that causes us an incredible amounts of angst, wasted time, wasted money, wasted health.
All due to a few magical chemicals that push the "feel good" buttons in our brains. How fragile and silly and desperate we mortals are.
May we continue to CELEBRATE our freedom from smoking by simply breathing the air we were meant to breathe.
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linda Permalink Reply by linda on March 10, 2009 at 11:05am
were having easter beer hunt at my house this year its something i started for the adults 10 yrs ago we hide eggs and give the kids kites but hide beer for the adults will have lots of smoker there but almost 1 mo into my quit now and know it could be a trap oh we also have a bbq afterwards everything is outside i may have to stay inside and prepare food ! ishould be off the lozenges by then have to keep some cinamon candy in case capt hook shows up
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on March 10, 2009 at 11:12am
Can I come over? Sounds like it's a whole lot of fun! 'Cept I'd rather crawl around on my hands and knees and end up with kite rather than the beer.
If you start to get a little crazy, just walk away from the smoker for a bit until you get your head back in order. Change the scenery. Grab somebody and take a quick walk. You might even ask one of those coming (one of the non-smokers) to help you stand firm. Asking for help is a way to stay out of any trap.
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linda Permalink Reply by linda on March 10, 2009 at 12:56pm
of course all are welcome ! all the adults that want a kite get one its alot of fun. ill call it a snare not a forsure trap or a big black hole threre are a couple of people that dont smoke or drink they usually hide the beers we listen to joplin all the day just a bunch of treehuggin hippies
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Laura Permalink Reply by Laura on April 3, 2009 at 6:05pm
This is exactly what I am feeling and KNOW I will be feeling tomorrow. So, tomorrow is my birthday and my husband and friends are taking me to dinner. I picked a place that has great food and great margaritas. I'm not too worried about the alcohol because I usually can't finish one of those with all the food! What I am worried about is my best friend. She is a heavy smoker and since we've been friends for 20 years we are a lot alike...and she is a HUGE trigger for me. It is silly for me to be so worried about going out tomorrow since she is the ONLY one out of 10 people that will smoke...so it should be easy for me to ignore the cravings and have a good time with everyone that is not outside. But just talking to her on the phone and hearing her smoke gives me huge nic fits. So tomorrow will be day 12 for me and I am worried that since I will be celebrating my bday I am going to want to smoke...earlier today I was thinking that I haven't been a non-smoker on my bday for 12 years. Already that little nic demon is trying to get in my head!!! I pushed the thoughts away and went to the gym. It is helping to think of all the things that people have said and I know it will help me tomorrow.
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on April 3, 2009 at 7:02pm
Man are you asking for trouble in my book. Too late to cancel the party, but that's what I would do. OK, so the scenario is set as is the trap. Don't delude yourself. It will NOT be easy to ignore the cravings.
What you want to hold in your mind ABOVE ALL ELSE is that THIS BIRTHDAY you WILL be smoke free. And that will be your birthday present to yourself. Hold it in you mind, in your heart, in your emotions. That THIS birthday will be different from all the others. That THIS birthday you can wake up the next day from and feel proud of yourself. That THIS birthday is the beginning of the new, smoke free YOU. That THIS birthday is the one where YOU became the support for your heavy smoking friend who wishes she could be like you.
I would suggest that because your friend is such a trigger for you that you lessen the contact with her for while. I'm not saying cut it off, but just lessen it. Tell her why you are doing so. If she's a great friend, she'll understand. And support that decision.
One other thing to keep in mind, I think is, we can create monsters that won't necessarily be there. You may be surprised to to find you DON'T feel what you think you will. Imagine a different picture. Imagine the you that is having a blast and not consumed with cigarette thoughts. What you project for yourself in your imagination, tends to come true. So project the best.
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Laura Permalink Reply by Laura on April 3, 2009 at 7:25pm
Thanks Giulia,
You are right about thinking positive thoughts...some good advice there. I appreciate the quick response!
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on April 5, 2009 at 6:57am
So how was the party? Did you stand fast or cave? Hope the former. Let us know.
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Laura Permalink Reply by Laura on April 5, 2009 at 4:55pm
The party was fun. I had a few drinks and held my ground. We were in a non-smoking place and my friend had to go outside a few times. When she came back in she smelled so bad. I was having really bad cravings after a few drinks and it was hard to sleep last night, I am going to avoid alcohol for a while longer! Thanks for asking!
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on April 6, 2009 at 12:43pm
Glad you had a good time and didn't blow your quit. Booze can make us so fuzzy in the head. In more ways than one. Being in a non-smoking joint I imagine helps. Take it easy. And continue with care.