Started smoking again after 9 years

[SaraPeach]

About 6 weeks ago, I started smoking again after being quit for 9 years. I was extremely depressed and anxious due to an abusive relationship that has been on-again, off-again for the past 4 years. I rationalized that I could just smoke one a day, but it only took a few days before I was back to smoking what I did before I quit and even more than I used to. I quit for 6 days because smoking was giving me bad abdominal pain, but then I bought another pack after my stomach was better and after I read a nasty email from my ex. Every day I crush all remaining cigarettes in my pack and tell myself I wont buy anymore and every day I go and buy another pack! Before I started smoking again, I was a runner and used to run marathons and ultramarathons (before the relatiinship stress got so bad that I pretty much quit running). I also love doing challenging hikes. I feel like I cant exercise at all now that Ive started smoking again. The sad thing is, when I bought that first pack after 9 years, I didnt even have the desire to smoke. It just sat there in my lap for a while. But after that first cigarette, I was immediately hooked again! When I quit in 2009, I used the Freedom From Smoking message boards for support, so I thought it may help me to join here. 

[Strudel]

Welcome to the site. You have come to the right place for support. Your message of never thinking we can smoke "just one" is a powerful one...and I hope you will continue to share it. We have a saying around here - N.O.P.E. - Not One Puff Ever! I am coming up on 8 years quit and I can only imagine how you must feel. However, as I said - you are in The right place! You can do this - stick around!

[elvan]

Welcome to EX, I am so sorry to read this, sounds to me like you got out of one abusive relationship and into another one.  Read everything you can about nicotine addiction...read blogs, comment, pay attention to what has worked for others.  Education, commitment, and staying close to the site will be life savers for you AND your quit.  What an example you are that there is no such thing as just one...NOPE was my mantra at the beginning of my quit Not One Puff Ever and I said it over and over and over again every day, sometimes very softly, sometimes silently, sometimes out loud...sometimes VERY loud.  The craves got weaker, I got stronger and I came to the conclusion that smoking never did anything FOR me but it sure did a lot TO me.  Being free is a gift to yourself and you DESERVE it!

Ellen

[Barbara145]

I am so sorry. Come here often and you will learn many things and get lots of support.  One thing I learned here is to never touch one to my lips again.  Welcome.  You can do this, again.

[Sootie]

I am so sorry. I also started smoking again after a very long quit (13 years). No---I am 8 years quit. This quit is different from my last one. This time, I did not feel as if I was "giving up" something but rather as if I was gaining something.....health and freedom.

This is THE BEST place for support and help. Please come often and reach out when needed.

Stay Strong.

[Barb102]

Please, please stay with us I started after over 2years due family losses. I know now that it doesn’t change any circumstances. It just makes things worse   Start on this site. Reach out when you want to. We will help each other

Barb

[freeneasy]

Welcome, I started smoking after a 4 year quit and it took me about 33 years to quit again. This is the right place for advice and support. I quit over 5 years ago with the aid of this place. You've quit before and you can quit again.

[indingrl]

Welcome.... Wow I am so honored by your courage honesty and strength by your sharing. You have helped me so much to choose TODAY.....to be a non smoker and you are a wonderful and kind person to share your experience with your past nicotine freedom and current using nicotine to cope. Thank God SaraPeach you.... chose...to be a non smoker TODAY.... for together we can remain ONE DAY AT A TIME Never Take Another Puff....Not One Puff Over Me.....please keep coming back.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Good morning and welcome to EX.  You have come to the right place for support.  Sorry about the relapse. Make good out of a bad situation.  You may be able to help someone else not smoke when they are going through what you are.  Smoking is like a bad relationship.  Recognize it is not good for you and not to be stuck.  Move forward and regain your freedom.  You will be better for it.  Take all you have learned and use it for a new energy that nothing, no one has control over you.  Let's get this thing started!!!. (In my loudest voice).   Come on now.  Keep in touch stay close.  We got your back if you let us. Come here read-write study ask questions. Go to Community Help‌ and scroll around. 

[SaraPeach]

Wow -- thank you all for the support and kind words! I really appreciate it. I am glad I decided to sign up here. This is the kind of support and confidence-building I need. The first cigarette did make me feel good mentally (although it killed my lungs and then started causing bad stomach pain that lasted for a couple weeks), but almost every single one I have smoked since has not even been enjoyable and is making me feel sick! This addiction really sucks. It makes me feel a little better knowing I am not the only one who has thrown away a long-term quit. I educated myself a ton the first time around. I used to spend time reading on whyquit.com and watching the daily quit videos there every single day when I quit 9 years ago, so I really have no excuse. I was well-educated about addiction. I actually thought maybe if I smoked it would help me stop obsessing over everything horrible that has happened with my ex, but I just swapped one addiction for another.