About 6 weeks ago, I started smoking again after being quit for 9 years. I was extremely depressed and anxious due to an abusive relationship that has been on-again, off-again for the past 4 years. I rationalized that I could just smoke one a day, but it only took a few days before I was back to smoking what I did before I quit and even more than I used to. I quit for 6 days because smoking was giving me bad abdominal pain, but then I bought another pack after my stomach was better and after I read a nasty email from my ex. Every day I crush all remaining cigarettes in my pack and tell myself I wont buy anymore and every day I go and buy another pack! Before I started smoking again, I was a runner and used to run marathons and ultramarathons (before the relatiinship stress got so bad that I pretty much quit running). I also love doing challenging hikes. I feel like I cant exercise at all now that Ive started smoking again. The sad thing is, when I bought that first pack after 9 years, I didnt even have the desire to smoke. It just sat there in my lap for a while. But after that first cigarette, I was immediately hooked again! When I quit in 2009, I used the Freedom From Smoking message boards for support, so I thought it may help me to join here.