Failing Fast

Discussion created by Roejo on May 19, 2018
Latest reply on May 20, 2018 by elvan

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I have never been able to figure out how to join in discussions or express my concerns. Still don't know what I'm doing! Anyhow, my last cigarette was January 31, but I am getting worse, not better. I wonder if anyone else has this problem. I have no support at home--hubby 0f 41 years still smokes--hasn't seemed to bother me much, but triggers are killing me. Haven't told friends because I'm too afraid I won't make it. They would not be unhappy to see me fail because they all smoke! I used the patches for six weeks and I don't want to go back to them. I haven't used them since the middle of March. I was telling myself I was doing just fine, then all of a sudden about a week ago, I wasn't. I'm having a worse time now than in the beginning. I hesitate to write this because I don't want to discourage anyone who has just quit, but I really need to know if anyone else has his a patch like this and most of all, how long did it last?

Outcomes

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Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 May 19, 2018 5:41 PM
Hey there,

Sorry to hear that you're having problems. I think you might want to check out no mans land on this site. I had a couple of times where things were harder than before. I think how long this lasts depends on the person. If you latch onto a crave or even an addicted thought, your own mind can magnify how you really feel. I think the key is to change the mind set. Something you obviously wanted to do, because you came here to give your mind something new to think about. We don't have to think about smoking when we quit, we just do.

Your actions today could determine what your future looks like tomorrow. I hope you choose freedom over slavery. I wish you the best!!

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck
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tjanddj May 19, 2018 5:45 PM
You found the right place. Someone will be here to help you that has been through this. In the mean time write what ever you need to for this is the place to do it. There is a virtual bonfire today where we throw in all our unsmoked cigarettes I think you will find some people there. I will see if I can find the link for you.
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- tjanddj @ tjanddj on May 19, 2018 5:49 PM
  Bonfire starts at 7pm EDT
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Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 May 19, 2018 6:06 PM
Yes sometimes it does get worse before it gets better. Here is a link to some reading that was written by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007. Hopefully he will not mind me passing it along. Lots of good information here.

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/30774-what-to-expect-in-the-first-4-months
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jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 May 19, 2018 6:13 PM
You don't need to go back to the patches. What you are feeling has nothing to do with nicotine after two months.
Every time you think of smoking say "I don't do that anymore"
Say it every time
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crazymama_Lori May 19, 2018 6:19 PM
you are now riding the roller coaster. you are up one day and down the next. hang on, though. it does get better. Do some reading in Relapse Prevention and Wisdom and Motivation also General Quitting Support. click on the content tab and read some in those groups. I lived with a doubting thomas too. They were just waiting for me to cave because that's what I always did. well, two and half years later, I'm still smoke free and you can be too......
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Sootie May 19, 2018 6:26 PM
No worries.....what you are feeling is extremely normal. The path to a forever quit is not straight and has lots of twists and turns. I quit in November 2009 and in March of 2010 I was hit with the strongest desire to smoke again. We call it seasonal triggers but it can be anything at all. You need to be ready for it and expect it. You're not doing "worse".....this is just how a quit goes. Never be afraid to come on this site and express yourself. You never know who is out there reading and finds YOUR blog to be exactly how they are feeling. We help each other by sharing our experiences good and bad. This is a place of support and help. Reach out anytime. And----just HANG IN THERE. We quit day by day----minute by minute. But I PROMISE you it gets better. I no longer think of smoking and even have a hard time imagining a time when I was a smoker. It's a great feeling and you will get there.
Stay strong
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Roejo May 19, 2018 6:29 PM
It's all been helpful. I guess my problem is the number of people I know who went back to smoking after a long time quit: My father went back after seven years--my sister went back after two years. Not very encouraging, that. So I was glad to hear about NML and I read about it. I always come to this site when I'm feeling like I'm going to relapse, but I am not very confident about where to comment. All sites have their own etiquette and I don't know this one.
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- crazymama_Lori @ Roejo on May 19, 2018 6:43 PM
  the easiest way is to hit reply to a post you either have a question about or want to comment to, like I'm doing here. I have a question for you, though, have you ever asked your sister or father why they went back to smoking? There's always some reason why they went back. You know, I could go back at any time, I just choose not to
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  - Roejo @ crazymama_Lori on May 19, 2018 6:48 PM
    Yes, I did ask--they had no reason. Dad said he "just did" and my sis said she only quit after she and her hubby split up because she couldn't afford them. Two years later she was back on her feet and right back to smoking. I am 73 and have smoked for over 50 years. I am proud of myself--NOPE since Jan 31, but I wish someone in my family could be there for an "atta girl" or two! Gosh that sounds so childish...
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    - Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 @ Roejo on May 19, 2018 7:02 PM
      I got zero support from my bio-family - but all the support needed from people at this site! That is all you really need! Congratulations!
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    - crazymama_Lori @ Roejo on May 19, 2018 7:07 PM
      actually it's not. But trust me as they see you're sticking to it, they will be very proud of you. I've been quit now 2 and some years after smoking for 43, I couldn't ever imagine going back. I know I'm not one of those people who can have just one and I'm just fine and never have another one for another year or so. And there are some people out there just like that. My husband for example doesn't smoke but occasionally will light one up once a year or two and that's it. I rationalize it as there's something wired in my brain that just likes nicotine or the dopamine it creates. It's just simply something I need to stay away from because I truly have no control over it and I know that now and I'm good with it. And actually part of NML is having people just say, gee, you should be over this by now or you can have one, you've been quit long enough....... I've heard those before. These are some links to a series that was posted here when I first signed up that really helped me around that time (gesh, more reading) No Man's Land Weekly Blogs
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      - Roejo @ crazymama_Lori on May 19, 2018 7:22 PM
        I will go to the site, and thank you. You're right, and somehow I know in my heart that I am not one of those people who can have just one! My friends are po'd because I won't join them for a glass of wine yet--something else I "just know"--I'm not ready for it. Especially with their cigs readily available to me. They don't see why after 3 and a half months I'm not ready to do all the things I used to do. I'm just not. So your words helped.
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    - TomW5.15.17 @ Roejo on May 19, 2018 7:41 PM
      Not childish at all. I had many failed quits before joining this site. The support here made all the difference in the world. At first I was a bit overwhelmed with all the support, and even thought some of it went overboard. But it really is such a great motivator! I just celebrated a year free, and could not possibly have done it without my new friends here on EX. Glad you found us too!
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    - karenjones @ Roejo on May 19, 2018 9:38 PM
      No it doesn't sound childish. But maybe unrealistic. i think you are doing absolutley great under the circumstances. Consider us your non-smoking family for the purpose of your quit. We are here for you. You just have to quit for yourself and it is too bad that your family does not have the strength and discipline that you are showing, but you can't quit for them. You can only quit for yourself and it sounds like you are doing great. keep up the good work.!!!
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  - jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ crazymama_Lori on May 19, 2018 11:50 PM
    Every smoker knows they can choose to go back to smoking any time they want.
    It's not so much about trying to not smoke until you do.
    It's more about accepting you can smoke any time but knowing what you're getting yourself into this time and what you will be giving your control to if you do.
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pir8fan May 19, 2018 6:45 PM
Keep moving forward! In the words of Ray Lewis “only a fool trips on what’s behind them”! Do not go backwards! Happiness is just ahead! Promise!
You can do this!! We will help!! Tommy
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pir8fan May 19, 2018 6:52 PM
We got your “atta girr’s”!
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Barbscloud May 20, 2018 5:59 AM
Nothing else profound to add, just my support. I'm on day 68 and it it still difficult at times. It's all those psychological attachments with have between smoking and life events. I also find it discouraging when I meet people who have quit for long periods of time and then returned to smoking. There's some support, but I've learned with most things in life we have to support ourselves or we'd probably never accomplish anything.
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- Roejo @ Barbscloud on May 20, 2018 8:35 AM
  What is really helpful is to find out others have the same challenges. People going back to smoking after quitting for a long time is my worst fear and worst dilemma. If I allow myself to dwell on it, I can really get negative! It helps to know that that bothers you too.
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Barbscloud May 20, 2018 9:01 AM
I find this whole fear thing interesting. What are we really afraid of? The cigarette swat team isn't going to come to our house if we smoke. Only thing I can come up with, it that we're afraid of failing, i.e., disappointing ourselves. That doesn't really make any sense either, because we'd never attempt to do even the most trivial things if we expected to fail EVER TIME. After many attempts to quit, I tried to squelch the "unexplained" fear this time by telling my to give it a try. I can always go back to smoking if I chose to. So, what is there to be afraid of. You're ahead of me in this quit (March12), so I'm looking to you for inspiration!
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jtheo May 20, 2018 9:14 AM
One of the things helping me....i don't need to worry about 2 years...5 years or 10 years down the road!! Just today. I only need to make the choice not to smoke today, this minute. It's my choice and I certainly feel empowered when I get ready for bed each night. Brushing my teeth I look myself in the eye and celebrate my choice. I sleep well knowing just for the day I remained smoke free. Tomorrow is another day and I don't need to worry or stress over it today.
Good luck in your journey. Never hesitate to post and ask for help!!
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elvan May 20, 2018 1:28 PM
I am 68 now, I quit over four years ago after smoking for 47 years. Smoking was something I did to deal with my feelings...anger, sadness, even happiness, I smoked to plan my day, I smoked to reward myself for getting through the day. I had to find new associations for everything, new associations for dealing with life. Life happens whether we smoke or not and it really is okay to get angry sometimes, it is okay to feel sad sometimes. I quit because I got so sick that I really did not know if I was going to survive and it was smoking related. I have COPD and I am constantly reminded of why I quit because of my shortness of breath...I am on oxygen at night. While I realize that COPD does not happen to everyone...I cannot imagine taking that chance or the chance of the number of cancers that are related to smoking...it just is not worth it. When you quit and you start to grow emotionally...you find that you can deal with all of your emotions and actually GROW. You become more confident..you have more self esteem...you learn to deal to with the things you stuffed for years. This journey is one day at a time, one step at a time...stay in today, don't worry about next year or the year after. It sounds like your sister and your father did not really want to quit, did not take the time to seek our education about this addiction and did not have the support of a community like EX. I can tell you, with no doubt that I would not have made it to over four years without EX. I had lots of stresses but I KNEW that smoking wasn't going to help with any of them. For me, that was the key...ask yourself what having a cigarette would do, how it would fix anything, and THEN I answered HONESTLY and I was never able to come up with a reason to smoke...NEVER.

You can do this and every person here wants to help you. In one way or another, we have ALL been where you are.
Welcome to EX,
Ellen
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- Roejo @ elvan on May 20, 2018 9:45 PM
  My story is very much like your story. I got to spend 5 days in ICU over Christmas, COPD related. I try also to do one day at a time. To all of you--my today was much better than my yesterday, thanks to all of you!
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Deena-A.-Yenni May 20, 2018 2:41 PM
Atta-girl. I can read your responses and feel that your getting stronger and stronger with the help of this site and the people in it Atta-girl!!!!
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ShawnP May 20, 2018 2:55 PM
I have been through this before. I still have 3 in the house that smoke. I don't think about it anymore like i used to. It took awhile to get past certain triggers. Not everyday but they would hit once in a blue moon when i was least expecting it. Here is some inspiration. sorry so many, i just couldn't decide but they helped me along the way. Sometimes you have to reread 2x for it to really hit you.

we have a bonfire going on...stop by and throw those unsmoked cigarettes in the fire. you will feel better.
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/community/celebrations-events/blog/2018/05/19/the-bonfire-is-now-beginning
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- Roejo @ ShawnP on May 20, 2018 9:47 PM
  These are beautiful, ShawnP. Thank you.
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  - ShawnP @ Roejo on May 20, 2018 9:48 PM
    they are. You're very welcome.
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  - elvan @ Roejo on May 20, 2018 10:42 PM
    It DOES get better and when you feel like you are in danger...come here, read blogs, write a blog with the word HELP in the subject line. Keep your quit in today and when a day seems too long, keep it in the hour or the minute. That is a HUGE help...never forget what it was like to be in that ICU. My doc wanted to admit me to ICU and I am a retired RN (world's worst patient) I promised him that if I did not get better in 5-7 days doing everything I could at home that I would agree to be admitted. I had three inhalers, a nebulizer I was using every 2-4 hours, I was taking two antibiotics, drinking GALLONS of liquids, and I did something called "postural drainage" and hung myself off the side of the bed...my face was on the floor, my body on the bed. It was to help the stuff in my lungs to drain at least somewhat by gravity. I ran a warm steam vaporizer and the WALLS were dripping. It was like a sauna in my room. My husband and son kept coming in to check on me and ask how I was doing...it was so hard to breathe that I could hardly talk and I couldn't cough effectively. I do not EVER want to go through that again. There are no guarantees that I won't die of a respiratory illness anyways but I won't be craving a cigarette when it happens. We all recover at different rates but, if we stay committed, we DO recover and we learn a whole lot about ourselves along the way.
    
    You are here with us and every one of us want you to be successful in your quit! Believe in yourself, we believe in you.
    
    Best,
    Ellen
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JAA13 May 20, 2018 9:05 PM
I am just finishing day 2 of my journey to freedom. The support here is so amazing. So many beautiful souls. And it helps to know you’re not alone. EVERYTHING you feel, SOMEONE here has felt and gone through also. I feel honored to be part of this group.
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Failing Fast

Outcomes

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