Does anyone have any experience quitting when their partner won’t? I’m struggling with this a lot since I feel like I’m not just giving up smoking - but also quality time with my husband. Any advice is welcome!
Welcome to our community!
Dr. Hays, our resident expert, wrote a blog about living with smoker(s) that might help: Quitting when you live with smokers. I hope others who have been successful will chime in!
The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it online or at your local library.
You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmokingonline.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. You should also do the tracking and separation exercises suggested in My Quit Plan http://www.becomeanex.org/my-quit-plan.php
After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort. I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for three reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, and 3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire. . But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.
The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced. Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
You need to distract yourself through any craves. You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game. Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time. You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits. Get busy! Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?" Then DO it. You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.
Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!
Hello! As women, we tend to adjust ourselves to our men, don't we? How about turning the tables this time, since your quit is so very very precious...you aren't giving up quality time with him, he's giving up quality time with YOU.
it's only ten minutes and he'll be back. You'll be a role model for him. After a while when he sees you're sticking to your guns, he might just join you. You're really not missing out on anything, unless he's a chain smoker and lives outside puffing away on his cigarettes all day. I remember thinking that when I was still hanging around in the bar and thinking about quitting and seeing everyone go outside for a smoke. I thought to myself, boy, I'd be the only one sitting here (addictive self thinking here), how lonely....... but you know what, they're back in 10 minutes or so chatting away and you can bet in about an hour or so, they'll be back outside doing it all over again. I even stopped socializing after the smoking ban. I was one of those, if I couldn't smoke where and when I wanted to, then I'm not going. I'm just happy to be free of trying to find a lighter, do I have enough cigarettes, is it going to rain, how cold is it today, how windy is it today, huddling to get a cigarette lit, craziness !!! You're not missing out. You're actually gaining more time with him by extending your life. switch your thinking to a positive spin
You have hit the nail right on the head. But you know that addiction screws up the way we think. Sounds like you are thinking so clearly. Congrats.
Whatttt???? You think that spending time smoking with someone smoking is quality time???? Check your head my girl. do heroin junkies shooting up together say it is quality time? Quality time would be time spent not smoking together. any other option is about addiction speaking. . not about quality time.
Welcome to EX. You will find that quitting smoking is about making a choice for yourself. We have members who have been successful quitting and still living with a smoker. Education is the key to a successful quit. Read the suggested material from. Youngatheart.7.4.12 Learn about the addiction so that you will better understand what you are going through. What To Expect In The First Four Most times the smoking partner eventually quits. So right the focus should be about you. Here is what the experts on site say. Boundaries & Support: Living With Another Smoker Live your Passion - Passion Connected What To Expect In The First Four Months This is what members say read the comments. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/104899-re-living-with-smokers?commentID=104899?sr=search&searchId=3ac238c0-41… Has any quit smoking while living with a smoker? Welcome to Ex you have come to the right place.
noknowingwhereweregoing Welcome to EX...you have gotten lots of wonderful advice and support from people already. Do know that we each own our own quits and we are responsible for caring for them. Damage done to the lungs from smoking is irreversible, don't let that happen to you. NOTHING is worth that.
Stay close to the site...we are here to help and to support you.
Thanks everyone!! Day one has begun. So far so good.
Well, by tonight, day one will be DAY WON!
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