(NOTE: THIS IS THE ENTIRE DIALOGUE FROM THE ORIGINAL EX SITE. ALL NEW POSTS ON THIS TOPIC SHOULD GO HERE.)
(THIS TOPIC WAS STARTED BY MIKE)
* Posted by Mike.n.Atlanta on July 15, 2008 at 5:36am in RELAPSE TRAPS
We enjoy feeling sorry for ourselves & the joy is even more justified if we can swing others to feel the same for us. "Oh you poor thing. Why don't you have a smoke? You can quit later." Or, “Why me, I enjoy smoking, why does it have to be bad for us? I don’t wanna gain a bunch of weight, Aunt Sophie smoked every day till she died at 94. It can’t be smoking that is causing all this cancer.”? We love it if our mood has changed during our quit & someone remarks that if we’re going to be so bitchy or such grumps then we should start smoking again. Anything for an excuse. We all know an Aunt Sophie but they are the exception to the rule.
At some point we have to face our fears & get past all the excuses because we really knew all along that you can count on one thing, if you smoke it will kill you.
Replies to This Discussion
ChristineQuit2007 Permalink Reply by ChristineQuit2007 on July 15, 2008 at 7:55am
I couldn't agree with you more!
Marty Permalink Reply by Marty on July 15, 2008 at 9:00am
Oh yea, Mike.
The most convincing arguement I used -- "Everyone is terminal -- no one escapes death."
A doctor friend of mine agreed with that, but he added, "The quality of the life is abysmal for a smoker during the last few years."
Let's all focus on the quality of life we really want as we age.
Louise Permalink Reply by Louise on July 17, 2008 at 7:23pm
You are so absolutely right! Right on, for you and your doctor, that said that to you. Nicotine, is the MOST insidious addiction of all. For us to know people that have suffered horrific, suffocating deaths as a direct result of smoking and continue anyway is insanity!!!! My ex husband, (Friend of mine) and I watched his dear Mother, die a horrible death from lung and breast cancer and empysema 12 years ago!!! And he continues to smoke to this day even though he has Bladder cancer and Lymphoma himself. Abysmal indeed. I am forever grateful for this site and the many supportive people I have found since quitting. I am proud to be able to say I'm an EX on this matter!!! Let us all focus, on what is real and true and that is we only get to go around once... At least this time, in this world!! Thank you all.
Debbie Bishop Permalink Reply by Debbie Bishop on July 16, 2008 at 6:35pm
I went through this for years. I'd quit and start back. When I turned 50 I know the health problems would be starting big time. This summer I had enough. I decided to fight with all I had. I bought gum but still needed something for the hand to mouth thing. Found the easy quit on the internet. It's a fake cigarette which you put mints cartridges in. That helped me so much. I've made it three weeks and this has been the easiest so far. I'm just so sick of it. My son is playing in the band at Mississippi State this fall and I don't want to be sick and miss any games. I feel you will quit then you've had enough but it has to be your time. My mother quit at 65 after two heart surgeries. She's been quit 9 years and says she never misses it. If she hadn't quit we would have lost her years ago. Hang in there and remember you are worth it.
Mike in @lanta Permalink Reply by Mike in @lanta on July 17, 2008 at 4:08am
A huge congrats on the 3 week quit Debbie. Hey...we do what must be done to remain smoke free & tell your Mom we're all proud of her too. I'm glad you're gonna make to those games for your son.
Mike in @lanta Permalink Reply by Mike in @lanta on July 17, 2008 at 12:55pm
We made those statements so boldly knowing we didn't really feel the conviction of them. When I had to have a chest x-ray I was reduced to a whimpering coward. No we're not that ignorant & yes it was the addiction. We just didn't want to or were afraid to see through that nicotine haze.
A huge congratulations on 2 smoke free months Debbie. How great is life now?
We had better protect our quits...it may be our last chance. We just never know.
Celeste Faris Permalink Reply by Celeste Faris on May 14, 2009 at 4:34pm
Thank you for those inspiring words - "protect our quits". I just now wrote them done as part of my 'plan' to quit smoking. I feel certain your words will wind up in a sticky note on one of my kitchen cabinets.
ChristineQuit2007 Permalink Reply by ChristineQuit2007 on July 17, 2008 at 6:59pm
Today my husband and I volunteered at a huge Festival. We live within driving distance to a place called the City of Festivals in the Midwest.... ethnic festivals with big name acts (music) and incredible food all summer long. It was my first real big exposure in the last nine quit months to a mass of people who may or may not be smoking.
I have to say that I was really feeling so blessed and lucky that I am quit! The awful smell and the looks of dependence and addiction of those walking past us repulsed me. And, I rejoiced in those feelings of repulsion... How great. Nothing about those butts interests me.
I remember the times when the smell of smoke would trigger me to start scratching around for my butts... but no more. However, I'm not going to take these feelings for granted. I agree with everyone here to be in PROTECT mode from now on.
DearLeigh Permalink Reply by DearLeigh on April 23, 2009 at 2:25pm
You know, Christine89, I know what you mean - I too now look at smokers like they are dependent and (just a bit pathetic) and it is repulsive. WOW - it was a revelation for me how I got to the point where I thought it looked tacky and low-tone. Me - the biggest smoker of them all.
ChristineQuit2007 Permalink Reply by ChristineQuit2007 on April 23, 2009 at 4:49pm
Wow, I posted this almost a year ago! LOL But, glad we're of the same mind!
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on July 17, 2008 at 5:27pm
Fabulous post, Mike. The Poor Me Trap. And one we don't want to fall into.
Louise Permalink Reply by Louise on July 17, 2008 at 6:56pm
Hi Mike, I like your Challenge in Relapse Traps. I think it's great idea and one that will really support the purpose of this group. Count me in! I have a friend that told me the other day, that she liked me much more when I smoked.... This is a friend of 25 years! A friend, that on one hand, says she is proud of me for trying to quit and then the next day or so makes a comment like that! Nicotine addiction, is so very insidious... I'm simply keeping my distance for the time being.
Mike in @lanta Permalink Reply by Mike in @lanta on April 20, 2009 at 8:16am
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
Without ever having felt sorry for itself.
-- D.H. Lawrence
To me feeling sorry for yourself is one of the greatest obstacles to to get over when quitting. We all think we're special, we all believe that our quit is somehow more difficult than anyone else's. The only thing that sets your quit apart from anyone else's is your attitude & willingness to accept the fact that you're an addict. Don't feel sorry for yourself because you're an addict. Celebrate because you recognize that fact & are making the comittment to do something about it.
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on April 21, 2009 at 1:55pm
Thank you for this, Mike. Another gem.
Sue Ross Permalink Reply by Sue Ross on April 21, 2009 at 1:14pm
Good share - I can relate....Sue
Cindy Wilson Permalink Reply by Cindy Wilson on April 21, 2009 at 7:02pm
so seriously true, no excuses, sometimes they actually aggrevate me, especially when they are said repeatedly by the same people over and over. It kills me that the number one excuse is death in the family; well at least when you die from smoking, know someone else in your family will use you as an excuse too!
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on April 21, 2009 at 8:36pm
Whoa, Cindy, that's one heck of a funny but cynical comment. It "kills" you that death due to smoking kills you. Oh yeah....
Mike in @lanta Permalink Reply by Mike in @lanta on April 22, 2009 at 5:17am
Sad, funny AND true Sue. "My friend just died so I think I'll work on killing myself a little more." I'm sure if that person knew that we broke a quit in their behalf they would haunt us until a good quit took.
angie h Permalink Reply by angie h on May 9, 2009 at 6:06pm
i know what u all mean.cigs killed my wonderful mother,she drank quite a bit too,so we always thought it was the alchol that would kill her,but it didnt it was cigs,lung cancer,she lived two wks after her diagnosis,this was in 06,i have 15 smoke free days,,people say why didnt u quit then after looing ur mom? I said i wasnt ready,I feel like dont quit for others i quit for me not for other people,because if i dont do it for me it wont wk,when i do it for me,others benefit in the end right along with me,Her death really scared me,made me realize i have to much to live for,pushing 50 i want to stay around ,mom died at 64,too young,the withdrawls are still eating at me so bad,theres days i want to smoke,so abdly,but i think i have some time now with out no smokes,why would i want to start over,to painful for me to do that,thanks all,angie h
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on May 9, 2009 at 7:45pm
When we're ready, we're ready. It sounds like you're ready now. Better late than never. Be very proud of those 15 days because you have earned every one of them. As each of us have earned all the smoke free days we've garnered. And we all know the cost. But the price, the prize, is worth it. Health. Stay true to your cause. Stay true to your quit. And congrats on your perseverance.
Ben Permalink Reply by Ben on May 10, 2009 at 8:44pm
I almost threw my quit away of 108 days tonight. I had a pity party for myself because im frustrated with my life right now. I almost made the mistake of buying apack of smokes and going back to my old ways. Here are the reasons I would of went back to smoking for.
1. Im hungry constantly now. Ive already gained 25 pounds but I lost 5 so far. Ive been counting calories and its been killing me because im always hungry now and the wieght still isnt coming off like it would if i was back smoking again. Ive been riding my bike to burn calories. Smoking =easy appetite control and weight lost.
2.Im flat broke at the moment. Im still working 3 days a week and my finances are driving me crazy wondering how im going to pay the bills. I would rob Peter to pay Paul but Peter has already been robbed. I couldnt afford to go back to smoking if i wanted to right now but some how going back to smoking would solve my financial trouble. yeah right.
3.my life in general and my shyness is driving me crazy right now. smoking would calm me down and solve my shyness. wrong again.
Im stuck in an rut right now and some how smoking would solve my problems. not realy but that was my thinking as I threw a pity party for myself. the only problem it might solve is being hungry constantly and wieght lost but smoking isnt going to give me six pack abs like i want so i would still have a huge belly. I hear rat posion will suppress a person apetite too, would I eat that to curb my appetite and lose a few pounds. No of course not so why would I go back to smoking (posioning myself) to control my wieght. damn it all. Not looking for sympathy or advice on this one . Just needed to get this out of my system.
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on May 10, 2009 at 9:41pm
I'm stuck in a rut too. But there ain't a thought of a cigarette in it. I don't have any answers either, but I know for sure a cigarette ain't one of them. I was hungry all the time but that's finally fading. I've gained 15 pounds and exercise three or more days a week and it does nothing to take off the weight. Still I won't smoke. You're right, smoking again would probably enable all that weight to come off. If for no other reason than our bodies are spending all that energy on fighting the poisons. Still not worth going back and giving up this incredible freedom.
Sometimes life ain't anything we want it to be. Tough. That's life. And nobody said any of it was fair.
Vent away Ben.
Lenna Permalink Reply by Lenna on August 3, 2009 at 9:59am
Here's my favorite...on a really bad day i say "your life is useless, so trivial, so not important, and so are you! so what the hell, smoke, who cares..no one!" That is my favorite poor me, nobody loves me I think I'll eat some worms...except it's not worms like we sang in that kids song, its cigarettes, booze, drugs, food, whatever....If I have a poor me day now, I tend to hide under the covers...ALONE!!!!! LOL cant get into too much trouble there. I have noticed that for me, a good nights sleep, sometimes two nights and I tend to rise out of it...anything above and beyond that, I know I need some outside help!!! thank god for this site and some very very special people here.
Kathy Permalink Reply by Kathy on August 3, 2009 at 6:44pm
(NOTE: THIS IS THE ENTIRE DIALOGUE FROM THE ORIGINAL EX SITE. ALL NEW POSTS ON THIS TOPIC SHOULD GO HERE.)