Don't know why????? This morning after going to bed, way earlier than normal. Sleeping in,dragging around with light weight chores. I'm still so Fatigued! Yesterday was Day 60 for ME.....Just had the Overwhelming Urge to go back and read what I had put in my blogs.....Trying to put together, new blog about the past 60 days. What has happened,
what I've learned,where I'm at and where I am heading!!!!!!! (my goal for the weekend,Snow is on its way)
I HATE THAT CONCENTRATION is so WACKY! Somedays it is 100% and other Days, it feels like ZIPPO!
Yesterday,I don't know what, I DID????? I was defrosting a Cinnamon Bagel from freezer,then toasting it...
My finishing touch is usually some peanutbutter on top. I HAVE NO IDEA, WHAT I PUSHED ON THE MIC????
I took the bagel out, was tossing it back and forth from one hand to another...It was Smoking HOT!!!! Finally cools,
I split it, turn heat way down on toaster, to Brown it up....... I smear the peanutbutter and sit down with
some decaf coffee. I go to BITE into it and WHOA!!!!!!! IT IS LIKE BITING, INTO OVER BAKED SALAD CROUTONS!
What the HECK, did I do???????? Hubby thought is was pretty FUNNY! As this house rarely has a Food Disaster,
when I'm in charge........I was Hungry and ready to EAT...so I DIPPED IT in coffee and ate it anyway! This is an
Example of the TWILIGHT ZONE,I FIND MYSELF IN SOMETIMES....I am the Organized person in this house....
NOT FLY BY SEAT OF HIS PANTS GUY! (Glad I'm entertaining him as my journey progresses.) I haven't
been CRABBY but a couple times....Sleep patterns and Exercise patterns are CRAZY! Finding things, I WANT
to do, while TRAPPED INSIDE.....USUALLY READING,NEEDLEWORK can keep me BUSY, if I finished
my work for the day....(Past few days , I just don't feel interested in anything...) Just going through the motions of laundry,meals,cleaning on auto pilot! As of yesterday,Do have the repairs and painting of 3 rooms scheduled
later part of April. Hubby is off to a farm sale of friends today. I couldn't go,because it is all outside and it is too
COLD FOR ME.... I do plan to bake 2 small batches of cookies today. It was the only thing, I didn't get done
yesterday. I was Thrilled to HIT Day 60 yesterday! Today the only thought that KEEPS POPPING BACK INTO MY HEAD IS: there's another 60, then another 60 and another 60,etc.......Sure makes things that need to be done,
VERY DIFFICULT! Appears when 1 thing Improves, ANOTHER POPS UP???????????
I THINK, it is starting to TICK me OFF, that Hubby goes to town several times a week.....Whether the Trip is Really Necessary or NOT???? He is Outside morning and evening to FEED Livestock. During day to check the water
tank and get the mail. When temps. are warmer he is outside most of the day.........I Miss ALL the people, I see on a daily basis,the months I am in my Senior Park in Texas. Most of them will be back in their home state or traveling elsewhere before April is over. About 3 dozen residents that are there year round. I avoid the Phone, as it has always been a HUGE TRIGGER for me.
STILL WINTER HERE..........Sun is shining, but high today is maybe 20. It was -5 a couple nights ago,and the future forecast is little warmer, but then Snow ...every other day for the next week........... The weather is Depressing ME!
Not nice enough to be OUTSIDE....... I have the issue with Cold Temperatures and what it does to me.... Think,I'm getting a case of CABIN FEVER????? My little mazy girl has gotten cabin fever....Have Gained Some Weight,because
I can't shake the Fatigue,so I'm NOT GETTING MY EXERCISE PROGRAM DONE! Outside weather is a BIG part of the problem.... There shouldn't be any snow on ground now...The temps. should be around 50 at least!
I HAVE NO DESIRE TO LIGHT UP, but if they were here: I THINK, I would Anyways..... Putting those words down are Shocking to ME! I have FOUGHT for EVERY SINGLE STEP of FREEDOM! I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO
DAY 1, EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!! I CAN'T FOCUS TODAY AND FEEL SO LOST! I HAVE A REAL HARD TIME PROCESSING ALL THESE EMOTIONS..........THE EMOTIONAL STUFFER would like to go back to just STUFFING
MY EMOTIONS!!! WHY????????? Because I have no idea, who this person is!!!!!! I am not sure I am going to
like her........
I'm going to hit the publish button....You will NOW Know, how Crazy I am!!!!!!!!!
. You're NOT crazy, you're living a new life really. That's the way I decided to look at it. I could always stop smoking when I changed my environment (went on vacation, etc.) but picked it up as soon as I came home. I've gone easy on myself as far as daily "accomplishments" since I quit...Going easy on myself is a very hard thing for me to do...I think I "drove" myself with nicotine a lot of the time and didn't realize it...Try and cut yourself a little slack...SIXTY is huge...the physical craving part gets easier, but the psychological adjustment takes awhile...you accomplish something every day that you don't smoke! And every day you deal with your emotions without nicotine...I'm realizing my emotional "maturity" may not match my physical age since I used cigs to deal with strong emotions most of my life...and ruined many a good quit by relapsing because of some emotional trauma...NOT THIS TIME...Let's stay strong ♥
