cancel
Showing results for 
Show  only  | Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Give and get support around quitting

virgomama
Member

Does anyone have advice on quitting when you're living with a smoker who doesn't want to quit?

I've quit 3 times.  Once for a whole year.  But Ican't beat the constant trigger that living with a smoker brings.  I so want to quit again, but the fear of failing yet again is keeping me back.  I find myself irritated with him for not wanting to quit even though his health is failing because of it.  I know it's all up to me if I want to quit, but I feel much like an alanon person.  Don't want to leave the person I love, but I'm finding it harder to live with and am tired of beating myself up because I can't do it. Any thoughts?

0 Kudos
10 Replies
GyorgyiM
Member

Where's the love? .....who loves whom? You love him, understood. His  health is failing but he doesn't love you enough to respect YOUR health and needs? Hummmm? something is wrong with this picture. How can you take care of him if your health starts to decline as well? or perhaps he wants to take you with him? I am not trying to be mean nor cruel, rather realistic...I don't  sugar coat ANYTHING, but I am diplomatic in my wording and would never stretch as far as to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings...You may want to "process" the truths and decide what is most important to YOU? It's not being selfish, if anything its being honorable. Love yourself first, take care of your health....so you can love and help others as well....

Miles of Smiles....

G.

JACKIE1-25-15
Member

Here is a blog that was wriitten by the experts. Quitting when you live with smokers  and one by a member Shout out to all Exers who have partners that smoke.  (read comments). 

desiree465
Member

The blog jackie recommended is a good one. Hopefully your partner will cooperate because there is no reason not to unless that person is trying to drag you down, which I doubt is the case. Be strong read everything you can on this site before your quit date. Knowledge truly is power when it comes to quitting smoking. I credit my success so far to this site and to my resolve to never smoke again. So come on here blog, vent, read what others go through and it WILL help you. 

anaussiemom
Member

virgomama   I am sending prayers.  That you can move past having a smoking partner.



Hugs Kim




roses-desi-glitters-59.gif

pgroce
Member

It's July 18th 2018....did you quit?

All smokers eventually become non-smokers. 

0 Kudos
virgomama
Member

Read all the replies to this question. Each one gave me another insight on

handling this. Thanks so much. I haven't quit again, yet. but these

blogs are keeping me focused and gathering info . One thing is clear. You

need your plan in order and ready to use. So that is my focus. Every time

I smoke I'm writing down the trigger and some things I can do instead of

light up.

On Wed, Jul 18, 2018 at 6:17 PM, pgroce <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>

0 Kudos
pgroce
Member

My wife quit smoking 42 years ago when she was pregnant with our son. I continued smoking off but mostly on for those 42 years. I quit a few months ago. I was usually willing to go to the basement to smoke or outside, but usually I did not have too. 

0 Kudos
virgomama
Member

He is very respectful that way.  He does go outside or to the designated room.  But I still know he's somewhere smoking.  I still smell it everywhere.  just the thought of him smoking and me not getting to triggers me.  It's a frustrating feeling. 

0 Kudos
YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome to our community!

When you do the reading I will recommend, you will understand that you aren't missing anything when you quit smoking.  All you thought it did for you is a lie!  I have a couple of car travel suggestions:  take some tunes with you and sing along, or a book on tape, or count the red/blue/white cars you see or the traffic signals you hit or miss.  At home for quiet time, maybe get a jigsaw or crossword puzzle or an adult coloring book to work on.  You can always go to YouTube and watch ca/dog/old comedian videos

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it  or at your local library. Here's a link to a video here on the site which describes nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.
 
 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. You are doing well with the the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site, but I am wondering about the "practice" quit.  You are keeping yourself in withdrawal in between each cigarette you smoke, so you might be keeping yourself unnecessarily uncomfortable.  But - if you think it's working for you, go for it!
 

I see you understand the need to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Here are a couple more suggestions:  drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work or anyplace else that is a normal route so the scenery is different  Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.
 
Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!


 Nancy